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Posted 5/27/2019 9:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hubby has just started chemo (Docetaxel and carboplatin) because BAT didn't work and PSA rose to 12 in a month and a half. Also MRI showed very active tumor on C5. He was radiated back in 2012 on his spine, so can't take any more. Anyway ... his depression is real. Any suggestions other than being there, holding him ... can you give me to help his depression? Thanks ....
Posted 5/27/2019 10:26 PM (GMT 0)
Debbie, has he seen a professional? I’m sure your Dr can refer him if he’s willing.
The first thing should be to determine if there is a clinical diagnosis of depression, or if he is just sort of feeling down due to some bad luck, which might pass with time, and someone to talk to.

If it doesn’t pass, consider an anti depressant, with a doctors guidance. But try other approaches first.
Posted 5/27/2019 10:29 PM (GMT 0)
His depression is inevitable. Granted his outlook is not good. Dare I say bleak? Depression goes together with cancer. One in three cancer patients experience depression, yet only one in seven are treated for it. Medication may help. A therapist or support group may also help.

Unless you are a licensed therapist, there is probably little you can do other than being supportive, and be prepared for some possible slings and arrows. There will likely be outbursts, crying over trivial things, withdrawal. It happens.

And often it is more difficult for the caregiver, as the patient may become "numb" to what's happening to them, whereas the caregiver may fell helpless and unable to do anything other than watch their loved one suffer. There are "caregiver only" Facebook groups, no patients allowed. Yours is a special calling... It is said that caregivers are angels but minus the wings.
Posted 5/28/2019 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
I think your husband may be grieving. But I'm no shrink.

Seems natural.

If he wants it, his GP would probably prescribe meds
Posted 5/28/2019 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
RobLee pretty much nailed it, wise words. It gets worse before it gets better, you will both need some help with this I think.
Posted 5/28/2019 5:16 AM (GMT 0)
Prato nailed it period...the rest of the advice is dangerous.....ahh whats the point...do gooders who know little but keep on "giving" now pout and ignore...
Posted 5/28/2019 10:58 AM (GMT 0)
I use serious (2 - 3 hours every day after breakfast) daily exercise to address my consistent depression issue.

PTSD, then add in cancer and treatment failure. sad

Cannabis helps as well, and 'magic mushroom' therapy has proven to be very successful in addressing depression in terminal patients. Now legal in Denver due to its success in that area.
Posted 5/28/2019 11:31 AM (GMT 0)
Meditation may be worth trying. It can really relax you and put a fresh perspective on things. It's something you can do together or alone. Lots of classes around that can help when you're starting.
Posted 5/28/2019 3:18 PM (GMT 0)

logoslidat said...
Prato nailed it period...the rest of the advice is dangerous.....ahh whats the point...do gooders who know little but keep on "giving" now pout and ignore...

Well I'm sorry you feel that way. If medication and therapy are bad advice, well, what can you expect from a goofy foot. I always was an outlier... tried to help, but often I fail. I just wanted to help Debbie prepare for what might be expected.
Posted 5/28/2019 5:03 PM (GMT 0)
“Prato nailed it period...the rest of the advice is dangerous.....ahh whats the point...do gooders who know little but keep on "giving" now pout and ignore...”

I didn’t know you were qualified to make such advisements. However, if you are in fact a shrink, it would explain some things.🙂😉
Posted 5/28/2019 5:06 PM (GMT 0)
To Debbie,
I do think there are some good observations and advice above.
Posted 5/28/2019 5:10 PM (GMT 0)
Today is better ... but I will talk to his doctor about the possibility of adding some meds. Thanks
Posted 5/28/2019 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
Debbie,
Medications do a good, but not perfect, job of controlling my clinical depression symptoms. Because your husband’s symptoms seem to be situational, they may simply improve with time.

I started ADT three months ago and decided to lose a little weight and do some walking in anticipation of the ADT side-effects. I have been walking about 45 minutes four days a week. A nice side benefit of the walks has been an improvement in my depression symptoms.
Posted 5/28/2019 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Exercise is helpful. Dr. put DH on low dose of anti-depressant about two years ago. Huge improvement. He ran out about a month ago and we saw how much it helped!
Posted 5/28/2019 6:03 PM (GMT 0)
Mattam not sure you have to be a shrink to advise someone to see one...but you may or may not be on to something...Im open to advice as well...as for as the rest of the post...and tho I hate clichés and their "truth"...'if the shoe fits..

roblee no worries...being goofy is in...in all ways...me I am extremely goofy...I had a great day yesterday
with a terrific Tasman swell with consistent overhead sets( I know Im blessed that I can still do it at such a high level of skill for my age 76) for anyone else...we ALL have issues(I have every acyronym in the mental health book} with life/death and the fear if we 'lose our demons our angels will leave as well " fortunately...in my view...both are imposters.( only one truth) alchemists of old were right but backwards...you will have to "figure that out for yourselves...when transfiguration occurs it is never recognized...but always realized...

Too much...too soon...not enough... 'shadows on the wall...chains on all' ...the light...the light it burns...it burns

sense sense...costs a mite...less than a halfpence...adjust...adjust...sight returns...no muss...little fuss...burden lite...reward that's right...oxen tight...lord amighty...why me???...why me...ahh a spot of tea...yes a spot of T...
Posted 5/28/2019 11:08 PM (GMT 0)
Let’s face it guys, none of us really know any of the answers in an ABSOLUTE sense. We all just speak from our own actual experiences. And that in itself makes everyone’s comments valuable. It’s up to Debbie to sort through the responses and determine with her husband what makes sense for them. And I’m sure she’s very capable of doing so.
Posted 5/29/2019 10:56 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah...I should have added that I also went to see several shrinks, which was very helpful. My best friend is a retired shrink and is still very helpful to talk with.

I tell my wife tat any time she thinks we/I should get counciling I am game. In fact, I am always up for a session or 2 as they are cathartic, if nothing else. smile
Posted 5/29/2019 2:15 PM (GMT 0)

logoslidat said...
... if we 'lose our demons our angels will leave as well...

I like that. Ties in with the whole Karma thing as well. Our journey ends when we have learned all we came here to learn.

Logos, I've never been a hard core surfer. Living in the midwest limited how much time I could devote to the sport. But I did enjoy watching the WSL championships the other night on Fox sports (I don't remember the name of the Aussie venue). But always riding goofy I came under a lot of ridicule. The other guys may have seen it as just ribbing. Guy stuff. Always insecure and never being more than a rank amateur I probably took too much too seriously. Thin skinned.

Ken - I will always remember that it was you who encouraged me to come to HW and to seek medication (not necessarily related to each other). HW has been an educational experience, though at times perhaps overly contentious. And the meds have brought peace to my life.

I do see a shrink, but only for advice on medication. I see him again tomorrow, and every three months. As my depression is strictly situational, the passage of time and resolution of issues have been as great a help if not more than medication or therapy... the latter being nothing more than just someone to talk to. But I'm pretty sure that I'll remain an an A/D for life. DIscontinuation is just too complicated and the SE's are merely an annoyance. Plus I am much less volatile and reactive than I was before all this started. So I see no reason to change anything.
Posted 5/29/2019 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Debby,

Several people have suggested that exercise will help, as will simply keeping him busy, out and about doing things. They're right. Other people have suggested that it might be a good idea to see his doctor about whether antidepressants might help. The meds are above my pay grade but the talking to his doctor part is clearly a good idea so they're right, too.

Where appropriate, the best thing is to do both. Getting depressed men out and doing things -- getting exercise and keeping busy -- works if you can convince them that it will help. But its hard to convince the depressed that anything will be that helpful. That's almost the definition of the problem. They have a tendency to want to lay quite still, clutch the lilies to their chests and try to look natural. The less they do, the more miserable they get and the more miserable they are the less they want to do. When you do finally get them out doing things it's not clear whether it is the first step to recovery or the first sign that they have already begun to recover. Staying active is the key but you have to reverse the downward spiral to get there. That's where meds can often help.
Posted 5/29/2019 7:29 PM (GMT 0)

RobLee said...


Ken - I will always remember that it was you who encouraged me to come to HW and to seek medication (not necessarily related to each other). HW has been an educational experience, though at times perhaps overly contentious. And the meds have brought peace to my life.

Rob, i am glad i was able to help, when you needed it. I have to say, the above made me laugh out loud, expecially the bold part. Because there have been a few times when being on HW especially as a Mod, have driven me to Xanax. LOL

Posted 6/13/2019 7:08 PM (GMT 0)

Hello Debbie ~

Thanks for reaching out ~ it's a complex issue.

My health and treatment history is revealed beneath my signature. I'm an educator and continue to teach full time.

My number one bit of advice ~ in my case, there is no substitute for a daily WALK ~ outside, if possible. It gets you out there, helps take away the blues, helps with anxiety, and refocuses one's thoughts on brighter things ---

During the school year, I walk in the later afternoons or early evenings. On weekends, I set out on a morning walk AND an evening walk. It doesn't have to be far --- it's not a marathon ---- it's a walk.

Something that I have found --- outside walks seem to be more uplifting.

There's SOMETHING restorative about nature and being outside. Fortunately, I have a large park and creek and walking trail right behind where I live --- perfect.

On weekends, I walk on other trails and often walk at some small local lakes with nice walking trails around the lake. Mix it up, get outside for a bit, and try to be consistent ... a half hour walk can work wonders. A friend, relative, or neighbor who will walk with you can also lead to greater consistency.

If there's cold winter days or rainy days, try very hard to walk at an indoor location --- a nearby shopping mall, a rec center, a gym. I have a stack of "one day passes" to the local recreation center that I use on icy winter days. Sometimes, large area schools and churches and shopping malls even allow local citizens to walk inside.

Even for us fellows here who have gone through chemotherapy or radiation ~ when I went through those treatments, my oncologist recommended that I continue walking, whenever possible. Over time, it helped restore my energy.

To add to my walking experience, I have stopped and picked up litter along the way on walking trails and in town parks. It has added a sense of "community service" to my walks. Just for fun, I have also kept a little list of birds and wildlife I have seen on my walks --- on trails and around lakes and in the neighborhood --- so far, some highlights include a family of deer, a family of lake otters, migrating pelicans, Canadian geese, majestic blue herons, and hatching eaglets in an American bald eagle nest.

Just some thoughts, from some first-hand experience. I don't own a dog, but most folks who do will agree that walking helps their DOG, but also helps the OWNER.

Anything that involves activity --- a workout at home or in a gym; lawn work; gardening; bicycling --- whatever works.

My lesson learned? There's no substitute for my daily walk.

With caring thoughts, from across the miles,
CYCLONE ~ Iowa State University
Posted 7/5/2019 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
Debbie,

We all hurt for you and your husband. And although we're not doctors, many or most of us have been there. I experienced the same deep depression myself from many thoughts ... my mortality, 3rd generation with PC, my father was dying of the same, I was only 47, after surgery I had ED and incont. I crashed completely after two years post-op. Needed medication and a therapist. And an awesome wife! You are incredibly important to his recovery.

Offroad Jeep Guy
Diagnosed: 47
Current Age: 51
8/2012 : PSA 1.30
6/10/15 : PSA 7.83
6/17/15: UTI, DRE test negative
6/22/15: Biopsy, 12 cores, negative
9/26/15: PSA 10.71
9/30/15: Biopsy with 72 cores, G6 3+3, Stage T1C
12/26/15: Robotic RP, ED, incont
3/31/16: PSA 0.01
6/12/16, father died 9-year battle: RP, chemo, HRT
6/30/16: PSA 0.01
12/31/16: PSA 0.01
12/31/17: PSA 0.01
12/31/18: PSA 0.01
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