OT--interesting post--what do you think? (Alias Dear Abby/HW)

I have 2 friends F1 and F2. The have been friends for 60+ years. We are all males in our 70’s. Apparently a few months ago, F2 asked F1 some personal medical questions. F1 said it was none of his business. Then F2 asked again, F1 got very upset, feeling his wishes were disrespected, and decided to end the friendship. A month or so later, they patched things up and resumed a friendship. Note that we all live far apart so conversations are only via telephone, and I'm relaying this second-hand.

Now, fast forward to a few weeks ago. F1, in a telephone conversation, mentioned that he had one more thing to relay, but couldn’t remember it. F2 said, seriously, “do you have dementia.” As far as I know, F1 does not, (he reads a lot, writes well, and is a skilled tournament chess player) but once again F1 takes umbrage at such a question. He again feels disrespected and is ready to end the friendship. I tend to agree with F1 that such a question is out of line, especially since F2 was put on notice. But, then again, given the long friendship, is F1 wrong. F2 does not seem to feel such questions are inappropriate. I do, but I'm sure as heck not getting in the middle of this.

This could be related to PC, I guess, if you don't want it known, don't want to discuss it, and a close friend has a suspicion and asks a question too many times. For me, I gladly educate men and will discuss PC quite readily.

What do you all think? Put more succinctly, is the specific question above (given their history) inappropriate.

Mel

I guess if someone asks you a question that you consider sensitive and you ask them to drop it, then that is what they should do. Mediators can be helpful. But they sometimes are viewed as ogres, and end up taking the brunt of the downside. In my previous life I was often called upon to mediate disputes, particularly domestic. Very rarely was it resolved, or did I come out feeling good.

Seems like F1 is being a little too sensitive while F2 is being a little too aggressive (and nosy). So I guess it depends on the depth of the friendship.
I’m biased. I shared my diagnosis with anyone who wanted to know (and probably with a few that really didn’t want to know).

Now for the related query:

If this was a story line in the movie "Grumpy Old Men" or "The Odd Couple", who (F1 or F2) would be Jack Lemmon and who would be Walter Mathau and why? I can give arguments both ways. In fact, F3 could be Ann Margaret in "Grumpy..."

Mel

Am I the only one? I can't help but wonder what F8 thinks.

if a friend says he doesnt want to talk about it you should respect that or risk losing the friendship

I'd stay out of it, so your 60 year friendship with both isn't broken by your trying to take sides or referee.

I think F3 should quit while he is behind...locked in is own thread,,,which...again...like the film Tenet...is interesting in spite of itself....now where is that bottle of Listerine?...

There have been some good comments that I can't add to directly but thought of this aspect: it depends on the medical issue. It seems that certain maladies are more culturally sharable than others and people don't seem bashful about sharing some while avoiding others. I think the Big "C" still has a taboo about it similar to mental illness.

When I had to drop out of my running group when I had RALP I simply told them, a mix of men and women, that I had PCa and was it removed. A few of the women seemed more interested and asked questions which I answered. One of them later told me that when she shared this with her husband that he was taken aback that I would even think about telling anyone what I had.

I figure that with something like PCa, sharing is good because it might prompt just one person to find out what their PSA is or encourage a loved to do so.

Code cracked...there is a god