ok i am going to be honest with everyone. because there is no way anyone can slap me!
if it weren't for my kids i would'nt be here. well then again if it weren't for my kids i would'nt have these bad thoughts. they don't understand how stress upsets my uc. see i can't hardly cook, clean, work. they think i am being lazy, when really i am just worn out. no energy from going all the time. standing up even for awhile i feel faint. i know it is really stupid for thinking like this. but this is no life to live. i know it is the life god choose for me, and there for, i will live it. but it runs through my mind everyday! thinking how easy it would be. on me but, not for my family. i am crying myself to sleep every night!!!!! i just want to stay in bed. i am already on depression meds, they have been uping and uping but it does not seem to be working.
i tell my husband my thoughts, he just gets scared and almost cries. i don't want him to have to worry about me. but i am really scared that one of these nights i might get so bad i might do something. doesn't help that he sleeps on the couch every night, i snore!!!!!!
i guess what is really bothering me is i don't want my husband to have to do everyting around the house. we have 3 kids and not one of them really help out. we have to yell for them to do anything. then they do it half ass, cause they are mad.
well sorry for venting but it is nice to let my feelings out. it feels good.
kittie