UC funny stories!

We are probably among the top stressed out people in the world so lets turn a stressful
 moment into a funny story. The stories may also help us realize that others are dealing with
the same issue's. I'll start.

   Years ago out on a date during a major flare. I pick the closest restaurant,fastest route
and everything went smooth, until. We pull up to her house and I feel the urge. I say good night fast cheek peck and see you later. So she starts a conversation and I cant hold it any longer. I say hold on I am going to pee on the side of your house. We where young and she lived with her parents so this was the best option. ExPloSion and I Had to give up a sock.
Then again and again and again.  By the time I was done I used both socks my under wear
and ripped off the bottom half of my shirt. Now what do I do with all my mucus covered clothes??? Well maintained lawn and landscape so I could not just leave the pile so I threw it all on the roof of her house........  I must of been on the side of the house for like 20 minutes. I get back in the car she give ME weird look and says "What took you so long, I have to go in the house now".. Really stressed me out at the time but dam funny to me now.

my farts crack me up sometimes........other than that nothing really good.

Steve - that had to be the funniest story I ever heard.  I was rolling with laughter and barely could read it out loud to my husband.  We were cracking up.  Thanks for the laugh!!!

I took my 3 year old out to dinner one night while I was flaring and of course she picks pizza.  I told her that was fine and that I will just order it with light cheese b/c of my butt (she is well aware of my butt issues and knows that when it is hurting I can't eat certain foods).  So we get there and she said she wanted to order.  My daughter is very well spoken and actually speaks like a 6 year old so I told her she could place the order with the waitress.  When the waitress arrives my DD says loudly, "We'd like to order a pizza with  light cheese for my mom's butt."  The waitress died laughing and a few heads in the restaurant turned.  I had to explain to the waitress so she didn't think we were crazy.

Haha. These are great. Who would steal a bag of poop? lol...

I heard off stealing bags of crack but never bags of crap. HAHAHAHA!!!!
The more I think about it the more I have.

The next scope I get I am going to draw a smilely face on my butt check.

The bag O crap storie reminded me of my own bag of crap story.

I was going to this girls house for dinner and had an pop acident. Had everything I need
so I change get clean and finally park at her house. I see a trash can in front of her garage
so I put my trash bag with my dirty undeis in it. So next day she calls me. She went to put trash in the can and noticed a steamy bag that was not hers and yelp she found my ditry under wear. I admitted to it. We dated for 6 more years. Cool chick shhe was. And he was hot to.

I really should keep the smiley face on the butt in mind!

Speaking of colonoscopies...how fantastic is Demerol!! I've definitely said some funny stuff on that drug! Whoever drives me to appointments usually gets an ear-full on the ride home, which I never remember!

My first colonoscopy (which led to my official diagnosis), I remember practically yelling at my grandma to leave me alone the morning of the procedure. I was in an awful mood! After the procedure, I got home in my Demerol stupor, and my Grandma asked me again how I was. I told her something like: I don't know, but I'm really, REALLY happy! Then I proceeded to eat two plates of something home cooked and passed out! Ah...what would we do without colonoscopy drugs?!

I was coming off a pretty good flare and things were returning to normal for me bathroom wise. My wife, 8 year old daughter and I just dropped my wifes friend off at the airport. We were at least 15 minutes from home and I knew that I had to "go" now! It started with the usual crampy, gassy feeling. I am trying to drive and rub my stomach at the same time. My wife is telling me to relax, that everything will be fine. Unfortunately for her and my daughter, things were about to get not fine and very BAD. I dont know how this is physically possible, but I had an intense gas bubble that wasnt gonna take no for an answer. I knew that if I tried to "vent" anything there would be a mess. But, my body decided that it had reached its maximum pressure, and my rear-end valve flew into the open position against my will. What happened next was a blur to me. I thought I had just filled my pants. I looked at my horrified wife and could only mouth the words "I am so sorry!" Luckily for my pants and van seat, it was only gas. Unfortunately for my poor wife and daughter, the heat was on and the windows were up. My poor daughter screamed out something about me being a bad Daddy, and my wife was trying to filter her air through her coat, shirt and napkins while fighting back the vomit. I will say this, I have field dressed deer that smelled better than that. I have since learned to channel this powerful weapon. I will walk through crowds and "crop dust" like a bomber dropping napalm. If the local police need help with crowd control, I am on the call list now. Sadly, I have to register my intestines as a concealed weapon. Just dont be at the range when I have to qualify on that gun!

I love to hike and my girlfriend and I were hiking one Saturday morning. I thought that I was good to go for the day, butt to my surprise I was not. So I feel some bloating and then shortly there after I drop my pants and tell my girlfriend to be my eyes and ears. (so she could see or hear if someone was coming)

I'm sure you guessed it, someone quickly came up behind me and I'm sure he saw a full moon and was wondering why the moon was out at 10 AM. So he passes me and I say, "When natures calls, you gotta answer it." And he replies with "Just do it further away from the trail."

So my girlfriend and I continue our hike after about 10 minutes of waiting around so I don't have to see him again and I'm talking like "Oh well, I'll never see him again." Little did I know, we saw him about 4 more times on the trail and we kept passing each other.