HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

This is for all the SINGLES!!

Support Forums
>
Ulcerative Colitis
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 4/24/2008 8:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

This thread is for all the single people in this forum who want to chat with other singles who deal with the same illness. :)

So I'll begin by saying my name is Tony, I'm 25, and I'm from Oklahoma.

So don't be shy people. If you're single I want u to post a reply.

I'll be in touch.

Sincerely

Tony

 

Posted 4/24/2008 9:20 AM (GMT 0)
Although I expect our moderators will take this thread down as being against one of the many rules of HealingWell, I recon one of the things that's barely discussed but in great need of open discussion is young singles with UC. I find the fact I have severe, active UC limits my ability to meet new people let alone go on a date!

So my turn,
I'm Severin, 28, Bris Australia and to add a twist to it, I'm also gay.

So there you go.
Posted 4/24/2008 10:43 AM (GMT 0)
38 Male in New Jersey!! Any WOMEN in the house?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Posted 4/24/2008 11:04 AM (GMT 0)
It's ok to discuss the trials of being single and living with Uc but remember that this is not a "pick up" site.
Posted 4/24/2008 11:47 AM (GMT 0)
Seriously, I'd just be happy to have some UC people to hang out with who are understanding when I need to dash to the toilet, who get it when I'd rather sit around and watch movies with friends then go out clubbing all night. :-)
Posted 4/24/2008 1:00 PM (GMT 0)
Actually having too many ucers, you would run out of toliets!

All of my friends know, and understand once I tell them what I am really going through.

And yes I am single too, 27 in South Carolina!
Posted 4/24/2008 11:13 PM (GMT 0)
I'm at the "wearing a diaper" stage, so dating for me has been a DISTANT MEMORY for years. I've been taking it off of late though and "trying" to get back in there. So sad, and yet...a small victory if the progress continues.

So yeah...dating is pretty sucky with UC.
Posted 4/25/2008 6:33 AM (GMT 0)
NachoLover - thats me. I can't go anywhere, or do anything without knowing there is a toilet within (extremely) close proximity. I also have to carry around a change of clothes and clean-up kit just incase.

Being at home all the time sux. I really want to get out and meet people. Would like to settle down, but I find I have trouble getting the confidence to go out on a date as I have to spend the first 20 minutes explaining why I will be running off to the toilet every half hour all evening.

"Hi, my name is severin, and I need to go to the toilet!"
Posted 4/27/2008 5:51 AM (GMT 0)
Come on people I want some feedback.

:)

Posted 4/27/2008 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
feedback on what??? Not to burst anyone's bubble, but being married with UC sucks just as much as being single with it- I don't go to movies, out to dinner, don't go to company outings, don't do many family vacations without a LOT of planning, ie- Immodium & diapers & baby wipes & etc, etc, etc. The same limitations apply to everyone, single or involved. In fact, I think it's worse being involved, because then you deal with the guilt associated with not being able to do things, & the biggest one for me is not having as much sex with my husband as I "should" be having! At least when you're single you only have to deal with your own feelings. And your limitations are yours alone, they don't directly affect other people.

Posted 4/27/2008 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
I guess I am a lucky guy, being married and having an understanding wife. Even during a flare, in pain, etc. I am good to go, so having a mate is not a problem for me. I would not want to be single though, having to explain the disease and such to potential partners. Not everyone is as cool with this sort of thing as those of us on this board have had to be out of necessity.
Posted 4/27/2008 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
My wife left me while I was having my worst flare. I just could not be romantic during my flair.

Do I as a divorced man count as being single? :)
Posted 4/28/2008 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
I think this is a very important post actually!!  I had UC through my 20's...spent some time being single...  I missed out on a lot because of it.  I still dated and partied, paid for it later and avoided embarassing accidents, but for a long time I didnt go anywhere...  It is very hard to be single with UC.  I have scared away potential dates with it.  I actually dated a girl who's husband coincidentally died of complications from chrons - needless to say that didnt go far which I can understand.

Anyhow - I hope the moderators dont pull a thread like this - I understand this isnt a pickup site, but its a meeting ground for people who can understand each other's issues....it is a great place for that and it would be cool to see a sub-forum for UC singles to hash things out....  I would be very happy to see something like that acutally...  There isnt such thing as "UCmatch.com" or "UC-Eharmony.com"....

I am married now with a very supportive wife - among the lucky ones...  but I feel for the suffering singles who feel eternally alone!!!

Posted 4/28/2008 2:04 AM (GMT 0)
i've seen a thread like this before here...it's important to reflect on the trials of dating with uc. that being said, i don't think people here would try to pick up other ucers as said before - who wants to share the bathroom or both have these issues - that could make life tougher in alot of ways. having friends with uc is better.

i feel like if you meet the right type of people (the hardest part is the meeting) then people tend to be pretty understanding. the girl i have been seeing told me that she didn't know if she would have come out and told about the u.c. so soon, like i did, but the way i feel about it, and from past experiences, its better not to be all shady and hide it - and by telling, i feel more comfortable about it, since they'll be a reason for me running to the bathroom or not feeling up for something because i'm feeling sick. it is really hard to meet people because our social life is forced to be different from the way mine was in my pre-uc days - so you can't meet people the same way you had in the past. good luck everyone, and don't give up.
Posted 4/28/2008 2:10 AM (GMT 0)
I have to say that even with UC (though I have the benefit of mostly being in remission at the moment), I've randomly met other people who have IBS/IBD or know someone who does. Most recently I've met a fantastic guy while literally visiting the house I signed a lease on for next year! Completely random! Turns out his whole family struggles with IBS. Life throws us many curve balls, but sometimes it works out for the best.
Posted 4/28/2008 2:42 AM (GMT 0)
Someone mentioned having to tell about their UC very first thing. I have crohns and am not single but since diagnosis moved, changed jobs, and started school. I have to make a lot of new friends (which is a lot like dating lol). Try to remember that everyone goes to the bathroom so you don't have to explain the first time you go, or even the second. I am very open about my disease and it usually comes up when I can't eat or drink something. If I have to excuse myself for a third time I usually explain as well. But...if you are on a date you might want to wait until that third time. If it never happens you didn't have to explain too soon and if it does happen you will feel better that they know why you keep taking off. Don't forget you can always blame all the water you drank before the date (even if it was a lie). Sometimes I like people to think I keep going number 1 instead of number 2.
Posted 4/28/2008 10:32 AM (GMT 0)
In my case, being an athlete with a bodybuilder physique. There aren't to many people in better shape than myself. I get alot of attention from the ladies, but always try not to let the relationships go to far because of this, Even when I'm in remission. Can you spell F R A U D. It's really the best way I describe myself because of this illness.
Posted 4/28/2008 3:16 PM (GMT 0)

As I am getting married this summer, I still fall into the single category, thank goodness I have found someone very understanding of my disease.   And when it comes to explaining trips to the bathroom, etc. I cannot be worried about other peoples opinions, as unfortunately I was born with this, and "it is what it is". 

-------------------------------------------------

yuckygut

diagnosed 1998

now off prednisone and colozal

drink 1 Haldi daily tongue

Posted 4/28/2008 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Looks like I'm the youngest one on this thread.
I agree with ThePostModernIrony--I don't think UCer's would want to date other UCer's. That would just get too complicated. Could you imagine two people living together and having a flare at the same time? How much would that suck?
But I definitely think it would be a good thing to have a group of UC friends (well, minus the whole bathroom situation). I'm sure people in my dorm think I'm a hermit. But I barely have energy to go to class and that's about it. Even if I didn't have UC, I still probably wouldn't go to parties just because I'm an introvert and I would hate it. But during a flare, I don't even feel like going out to eat or to the movies or anything.
I'm glad that some of you have found significant others who are understanding! It gives me hope :)
Posted 4/28/2008 7:33 PM (GMT 0)
wow this is a regular sausage festival... but eh I'm a male, 28 from Jersey
Posted 4/28/2008 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
i don't know if it was my post fitzy was referring to, but i didn't mean that you come right out and say hi my name is and i have uc...i just meant that since dating often involves eating together, i think that once you have to avoid answering a question or just sound strange about what you can and can't eat, you might as well come right out and explains the situation. its awkward at first, but you get used to it, haven't we all told tons of people about this because we had to at some point? if someone is going to run because of that, then they aren't worth it anyways. and almost always, i hear stories about other people they know that has something similiar.
Posted 4/28/2008 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes dates feel like interviews (I had a string of bad ones) and it is kinda hard to explain why you have gaps in your life, I usually go with that I have been severely injured and got really sick. Being former military helps a bit, but as a female it does limit my dating pool. I agree with the food thing the last two I have been on were mexican places (thank god for plain rice). I felt like ben stiller in "along came polly."
Posted 4/28/2008 10:21 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, i am new, just stumbled on this and i think its great! i have had UC for 40 years!, yes, i am 56 and getting a tiny bit tired of it!!!

right now i am doing ok, but loving the feeling that there are other people out there going through what i go through. I joke that i know where every bathroom in the northeast is!

aly :-)   

Posted 4/28/2008 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi..I am a 32 year old female...not married but have a boyfriend. I know that you can tell a lot about a prospective 'mate' by how he acts when you are sick or when 'I will be out in a minute' becomes more like an hour!
Posted 4/29/2008 12:11 AM (GMT 0)
Ok, sappy mode on:

I feel like I've actually gotten quite good at explaining the depths and severity of UC over the last few years of my life.

I like to think that everyone you date has one or two 'catches' that you'll have to come to terms with. In exchange for a girlfriend caring about me and sticking through the rough bits, I make sure that UC the BIG 'catch' to our relationship.

I don't bother going on second or third dates with girls I don't think have a chance of being understanding and caring. I don't blame the ones that aren't though--UC is a big thing to deal with, from either side of the relationship, and I've had to change a few things about myself to make me the news easier to 'deal with' when I bring it up. I guess it's one thing to say "I've got UC but am otherwise a swell guy". It's another to say "I've got UC and a drinking problem. My diet consists of cherry Cola and M&Ms and I dress up as furry anime characters on weekends."

I'm not sure when it started, but I slowly became more honest, more open minded, less 'stressed out', less argumentative, less critical, more positive, and more calm. I treat the significant other with as much love/caring as I can and, and I promise not to be defeatist (much), I don't get angry much, if at all. I try to be aware of my girlfriend's feelings as much as possible. I don't forget important dates. I eat as healthy as I can and try and keep in as good as shape as I can. I exercise and I smile more than I did before I got UC, even if I'm sick and have to do it alone (exercising, not smiling). I tell them up front about my stomach and what it means to live with this disease. I think most of all I try be grateful--it's not easy and it takes a certain kind of person to 'shrug off' UC as a dating issue, but the girls ARE out there, and what's cool about the whole situation is that, usually it's a reciprocative thing--the better I try and be in a relationship, the better relationships I find myself in.

In short, I think I've made myself into a darn good person to date, in spite of UC, or sometimes I think, because of it.

Yeah,in between relationships I do feel lonely and the severity of 'living with UC' really does weigh heavy. But everyone else out there has a 'catch' too, and it really does go both ways. Since I've gotten sick I've been in some of the best relationships of my life.

<Ok, sappy mode off. UC sucks.>
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12