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Posted 5/7/2008 6:19 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry I haven't been here lately that much.... I've been having on and off again marriage problems and right now it's on again.... When I went to Montana back in October, I wasn't really planning on coming back to CA, but hubby convinced me that I should and that he would get counseling with me...

  Well, that lasted for about a month, then he quit going to counseling, now he's sleeping all the time after work and I know things are bothering him financially (he's made some bad real estate decisions lately) so I am sure he's depressed about it, but won't seek any help and I feel like I live TOTALLY ALONE......  Plus he doesn't do a THING around the house, except for sleeping and making a mess for me to clean up... 

   I am thinking about heading back to Montana, maybe for good, and it's a shame too because my Hay business was really starting to take off with this season.  At least up there I was happier....

   ~Susie

   

Posted 5/7/2008 10:56 AM (GMT 0)
Susie, sometimes you have to do what you think is right. Sad to say, some marriages just don't make it. I'm so sorry that you're having difficulty again. How is your gut handling this?
Posted 5/7/2008 12:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Susie. Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I agree w/ Sherry...sometimes you have to shake hands, say you tried and go your separate ways. If you were happy in Montana maybe that is the place for you. You hang in there and keep us posted.
Posted 5/7/2008 1:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Susie, just wanted to chime in and wish you well. Sounds like Montana might be a good place for you right now -- and you (and your gut!) know what's best.

Take care my friend and let us know how you are doing. Safe travels if you decide to head out to Big Sky country.

Posted 5/7/2008 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Sorry to hear that, Susie. I hope you can find peace through all of this.
Posted 5/7/2008 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in there Susie. Take care of yourself thru all this
Posted 5/7/2008 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
(((Susie))) Many hugs and thoughts headed your way!

It's very hard when people don't help themselves. That being said - you have to do what's right for YOU! I LOVE Montana, so I'm a bit biased...

Vent away!
Posted 5/7/2008 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
I am praying for you, Susie. You hang in there.
Posted 5/7/2008 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
Susie,
Sorry, very sorry.
As a mom(me), what is your mother telling you to do?
Posted 5/7/2008 5:56 PM (GMT 0)

Susie,

If one of the conditions for you coming back was that he'd go to counseling with you and he's stopped...that's reason enough for you to leave...BUT...that decision is yours to make, you know in your heart and gut whether you should try talking to him again or just leave.  IMHO, being alone is horrible...but if it's the only way to have peace of mind, maybe that's the way to go. Everyone is different, but I do my best to take the load off of my wife...we take turns with laundry, I do dishes (when the kids don't do it), I take out garbage (alright, I used to...my son does it now lol), etc. But your situation maybe different...was there a time when your hubby used to help more and now all of a sudden he doesn't help? You know your situation and how much you're willing to take...maybe he needs a maid.

NBT


Posted 5/7/2008 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Susie. Tough when things don't work out, and it's tough to keep things going when they're not working out.

Your husband probably is depressed, but he has a responsibility to work things out for himself...and that includes counselling and the most important...accepting responsibility for himself and his part in the marriage.

If you do go to Montana....you have to as well make the decision to either not move back or move back for good. The saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has a lot of truth.

Make some decisions to get on with your life, for if you always have an "out" (moving to Montana), as well as your husband always having an "out" (you forgiving him and moving back), you'll never get to the next step.

You tried....he tried....old habits die hard.

Make sure you have your support systems intact.

If you do intend to give it a last shot before you do leave, offer your husband the options of getting his act together by a certain date or you will be leaving (and filing for separation?). Antidepressants might be in order for him as well as therapy/counselling (but alone without you).
Maybe financial counselling for him as well since his mood is dependent on his business successes.

You two should consider to be on Dr. Phil...joking but with a possible suggestion.

I hope it works out....and that's a subjective wish meaning in the best possible result, be it together or separate.

You really have to look after yourself....some people just aren't good for each other even though they do love each other.

quincy xx
Posted 5/8/2008 7:13 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for the replies..

Quincy, your words of wisdom are much appreciated, I'm sure he is depressed, but I'm not going to sit here and watch him drown himself in his sorrow, he's got to do something about it...

Yafit, both my parents are in Heaven, so I don't have them to lean on, but I do have solid friendships with a few girls here and they are great support....

NBT, he doesn't need a maid, he needs a mommy... lol...

To everyone else, thanks so much.....

Here's the latest.... Since we don't talk, I sent him an email telling him I need him to return to counseling with me and that I am moving into the spare bedroom for now. A move to Montana now that I've thought about it a bit is probably not the best idea for me, due to the fact that where my cabin is, there's not much work and finding a job would be difficult, especially one that would pay enough for me to cover all my expenses. I could do some horse training or riding horses for people, but that would also take some time to establish a clientelle and I just think a move like that would be too hard at this point.

So, my last resort for now is that I have a girlfriend who lives on an awesome 800 acre ranch very close to here and I can go live there if I need to. That way I could have my horses and dogs with me and I'd still be in the area to sell hay and do the horse training and lessons I've been doing lately.

Hubby is probably going to read my email in the morning, so I'll know by the afternoon if I'm moving into the spare room here or moving to the ranch...

I'll keep you posted, thanks for the prayers and well wishes.... It's nice to know that even though I can't picture all of your faces, I do have friends who care right here at healingwell....
Posted 5/8/2008 8:02 AM (GMT 0)
Options are good, and your alternate plan to move out to your friend's place seems more feasible.

Keep us posted.
q xx
Posted 5/8/2008 1:11 PM (GMT 0)
Susie; and you know how to find me too if you need to stay with me. I'm not too far from ya! :-)
Posted 5/9/2008 3:36 AM (GMT 0)

Carol,

 Just the fact that you would open your home to me... I don't even have words to say what that means to me.....  You are such a sweetie!!   XOXOXO

  Today was better, I confronted him about everything (in a very nice way) and he has agreed to continue counseling with me on Mondays..  He and I both broke down in tears... He's been keeping a lot inside..

  I'm exhausted, I delivered and stacked 102 bales of hay today.... WHEW.....

  Carol....LUNCH????   Sweet Pea's has great sandwiches!!!  hee hee... 

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