HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Trying not to give in...

Support Forums
>
Ulcerative Colitis
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/15/2008 2:46 PM (GMT 0)
I'm healthy, I'm not in a flare, I'm off the steroids and seem to be doing well on the meds. I'm even going on holidays tomorrow AND it's not raining today - then why do I feel so crap? I am irritable all the time.  I know the last few months as been tough. Tough for everyone around me with worry and having to chip in etc but I could gladly just sit on the couch and bite the head off the first person who smiled at me. cry    The effects of the steroids really drove me mad, the weight gain, that lovely round face and thick neck, double chin...vanity? perhaps but you get used to looking a certain way and then all of a sudden you're Shreks girlfriend.  My clothes don't fit, I'm sure there's not one of you who's not been there already perhaps 20 times...so what am I complaining about, eh?  I know there's always someone worse off, I know that and I have been smiling and telling myself that and how lucky I am, I should be thankful it wasn't something more sinister.  but now it's become a bit harder and they are just words coming out of my mouth but I don't really believe them.  Depressed? Maybe. Fed up, definitely.  Irritable? Like a bag of cats!!!

I don't even want to be around myself, I can imagine how everyone else feels but it's oozing out my pores now....

Anyone got a shot gun? smilewinkgrin

Thanks for listening...

 

Posted 8/15/2008 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
Let it out. . . wish there were something I could say to make it better but alas I've been there and know the sheer frustration of it all.

I try to do things to relieve the tension inside myself like one day I was driving in that exact type of mood and out of no where as we were waiting at the traffic light I just turned my head and screamed "WHAT!!" at my husband. . .the look on his face was hysterical!!!! Not only that but he jumped into the window trying to get further away from me. I swear I nearly wet my pants laughing at his reaction and it really did help relieve my mood. Once I could actually breathe again I explained I needed a tension breaker and I couldn't really explain that before hand because it wouldn't have worked as well. He sulked for a couple minutes, called me a dork then joined me in laughter. . . mutting how I was a loon here and there.
Posted 8/15/2008 4:25 PM (GMT 0)

I had to laugh, I am feeling pretty miserable at the moment too but you made me chuckle at your shreks girlfriend comment. Been there, kind of losing the look now although not completely gone. So if you have done nothing else today to feel good about at least you made me laugh.

I am not a confrontational person at all, far from it - I usually do anything to keep the peace. But at work last night I let rip at somebody who has been needing it for months and that is so unlike me although afterwards I felt quite proud of myself.  Usually it's the poor hubby that gets it, I'm sure he thinks I'm a bit of a nutter sometimes.

Posted 8/15/2008 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
I feel that way too....just like I need to stand in a field and scream and scream and scream.  I'm surrounded by fields here where I live but I'd be afraid I wouldn't stop and the men in the white coats would come for me!! Mind you in saying that a nice rest might do me good... smilewinkgrin

It doesn't help that i hold things in either so when I do finally let rip....it's loud, lets put it that way.  I hold things in because I hate confrontation too.  holding things in for a UC sufferer is bad...isn't that what got me here in the first place. rolleyes

 

Posted 8/15/2008 4:49 PM (GMT 0)
Its ok to be vain. Its in our nature it is engrained in us by society. I have always been tiny from my crohns but then I found the blessed remission. Now Im constantly bloated and look pregnant and have gained 12 pounds and none of my clothes fit. Am I grateful for my remission? Heck yeah. But do I miss having the effortless thin body? You betcha. It is really hard on our self esteem to get the positive feed back all the time regarding how lucky we are to be skinny and how great we look even when we are super sick. When we get healthy we start to worry that we look like we are letting ourselves go. But in reality we are finally taking care of ourselves. Its ok to want both. Its normal and human. If you can afford it, by a few new staple items. Like one new pair of casual shorts, one or two new work pants. Having a couple of outfits I comfortably fit in helped my self esteem.
Posted 8/15/2008 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the replies....peanutmum...that is so funny...I can imagine his face.

Fitzy, this morning I decided to clear out my wardrobe of the things that tease me, the things that I try on in hope they just might fit me today. Then I get annoyed because of course they don't fit and I get fed up. So they're now gone. I have clothes that are comfy clothes, I'm a stay at home mum (no reason not to look good but I'm okay with comfortable) Now when I go to my wardrobe I'm hoping that I can just put my hand on something put it on and get on with the day. However, that doesn't solve the weight problem. I haven't been skinny since my last pregnancy - but had only recently lost weight and felt good (size wise) I felt crap becasue my UC was about to put me in hospital. Lost more weight fasting for 10 days and then the steroids....balloon city.
Posted 8/15/2008 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
I just posted on the other weight loss question about the south beach diet. My husband was on it and I lost weight since he is the family cook. I thought at first that it would not be IBD friendly but after few modifications (like cooking veggies until soft) I did ok on it.  Oh and if your clothes are not permanently gone you may wish to put them in the garage or attic in case you do lose weight! Our weight flucuates so much with these diseases its expensive!
Posted 8/15/2008 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
bag of cats, lol....I can kind of imagine that and it is scary!

I get to points where I am annoying myself really bad and then the next day I am usually able to get myself out of the funk I am in, very hard when flaring and also when coming off "the juice" (pred).

It's one thing to feel crappy and another thing to feel crappy and look crappy on top of it. I have a third eye a pimple 3/4 of an inch in diameter (yes I measured it), thanks to lovely pred, plus I have a rash like thing of zits ALL OVER MY FACE!

"When the moon hits the sky like a big pizza pie, that's Beth's faaa-aaace." I have pizza-moon face.

Also right now I know I am going to regret something I do b/c for the past 11 months I have been super careful and conscientious and right now I dont give a darn, I am sick and tired of being on pred and sick and tired of pills and Dr.s and my colon and my kidney and worrying, did I say worrying?

Sorry to rant too, but I can't effing help myself!
Posted 8/15/2008 5:44 PM (GMT 0)
beth I am sorry but I laughed out loud...you measured your pimple?  So funny and something like I'd do Ha Ha!!

Prednisone - we've all heard of the cure is sometimes worse than the cause. It's true. 

I had the rash last week and the week before...rashy roundy moony face...so lovely rolleyes ..and...AND I had a bad hair cut...bet I was uglier than you smilewinkgrin

she cut my fringe too short and so my eyes were bigger than I don't know what and I don't mean in a good way!

I want to look normal again!

 

Posted 8/15/2008 7:52 PM (GMT 0)
oh no Lynda, you win! My hair is my one good feature.........though I am going for a cut tomorrow and was thinking of trying something new, I better not now!
Posted 8/15/2008 7:55 PM (GMT 0)
Ask for a trim...a very very slight trim smilewinkgrin   
Posted 8/15/2008 9:40 PM (GMT 0)
It's the prednisone. It is an evil medication. I am (most the time) shy but when I was on a Pred taper I almost slapped a Mom at my 7 yr old son's baseball game! Looking back I feel so dumb. Yes the woman and her husband were extremely rude telling their team to run our kids over and to bang into them. But I was on Pred so I felt like screaming out how I felt after the game and I got into a screaming match with a Mom who was probably 3 times my size. Them my dh got so mad at me and I spent the night crying. Now I look back and laugh and thank God I did not hit her. Vent all you want. Hope you can get off the evil Pred soon.
Posted 8/15/2008 10:10 PM (GMT 0)
But I'm off the pred since last Friday!!! I would imagine it's still in my system tho - anyone know how long it takes to leave the system?
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply