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What's your funniest UC experience?

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Posted 12/23/2008 12:43 AM (GMT 0)

Hi everyone, new here.

I'm 20, female, and was diagnosed with pan-ulcerative colitis two years ago, but have had it for three. I could go on and tell you about all my struggles with UC, but I thought it would be better to introduce myself through some light-hearted fun (besides, I want to save the complaining for another topic!)

I'll start by sharing one of my funniest UC experience (so far):

A few weeks ago I had my first taste of what it is like to not make it to the bathroom in time, and I ended up going in my bedroom waste bin (thank God I wasn't in public, or this would certainly NOT be a 'funny' experience!). I had to plop the poop into a plastic bag and sneak out of the house in the middle of the night to slyly get rid of the waste. I thought about throwing it into the river, and even considered dumping it somewhere down a dark alleyway, but then I found a doggy poo disposal bin - perfect! No one would know the wiser! To cover up the evidence I sprayed my room with a whole can of air freshener, but it still smelt like dirty nappies for a week! I could so easily have cried, but luckily, my dignity was already lost the first time the doctor shoved the six foot colonoscope up my backside!

So what's the funniest experience you've had with your UC? I think it is always better to share our embarrassments so we can laugh about them. Then they don't seem so bad anymore :)

Best wishes to all,
Chaos

Posted 12/23/2008 5:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Chaos,

I went to the post office to mail some boxes. I was waiting in line when all of a sudden I felt the urge to go. I hurried to the front desk and asked if I could use the bathroom. It was obvious I was in pain. They looked at me like I had a bomb or something and refused. I left the boxes on the desk and ran out the door yelling that I'd be back to mail them.

Needless to say, I didn't make it to the toilet. It wasn't so bad though. Only my underpants got messed up. I've had much worse happen with my period.

I threw the underwear alway, cleaned myself up, changed my underwear, and drove back to the post office and mailed the packages.

It was the only time I've been refused to use the bathroom.
Posted 12/23/2008 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
Had a very, very LOUD stomach "gurgle" on Monday - drowned out the music in the office (good old Xmas songs), and everybody (even from across the room) turned around to look at me. Took me ages to stop laughing and explain! Had to rush to the loo after that, and didn't quite make it. Fortunately, was able to go home as it was lunch, and "tidy up". Don't think anybody noticed...
Posted 12/23/2008 6:59 PM (GMT 0)
#1.... was hurrying home to use bathroom after work... jumped out of truck... and just knew I was going to make it to the house, and had to drop trous and go right beside my truck in the driveway. Luckily I live on a farm out of sight of any neighbors. Just to embarrassing to have go in your own driveway. Guess I waited to long.
#2..... Was deer huntin with the guys this year. Figured I would be okay, I'm in the woods right? every tree is an outhouse. Wel I forgot that some of the guys didn't know about my UC. Seems every time that day ( about 10 ) that I backed up to a tree, one of the others would be walkin right at me. And at the end of the day we were all jokin about the "unclebubba tracks" (little piles of TP ) all over the farm. Wouldn't have been to awful hard to track me through the woods that day. Up side is I did get a deer, so now I have good fresh healthy meat.
Posted 12/23/2008 8:58 PM (GMT 0)
I was on a packed train coming home from work awhile ago and I accidently let out the worlds loudest, for a lack of a better word, fart.   I had bad gas all day that day and I'm usually good at holding it in on the train but for some reason it just slipped out.  I tried to cough to cover it up but it was to late. 
Posted 12/23/2008 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
     Used the Men's room because the Ladies room was too crowded...as usual.
Posted 12/23/2008 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Love all the stories.

I was waiting for my dog to come in from outside in the middle of the night and I felt what I thought was a little flatulence. Well, it wasn't just gas... I had to run to the shower and clean up, do laundry. smilewinkgrin

Posted 12/23/2008 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
Left work, and had that OMG feeling as soon as I got on the road. Pulled into Dairy Queen parking lot to run in to their RR, then realized I wasn't gonna make it. Had to pull behind a gym for a little cleaning then on off home, lol.
Posted 12/23/2008 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
21st birthday, a bit drunk (no more drinking!!! that was may 1st ) @ the beach @ 3:00AM, there was a children's playground I went down the slide and felt something @ my buttocks... crapped my pants, lol, thank god I had a rented villa to clean myself up. My friends were there with me to see me crap my pants in action :)

lol, I have another story from a playground, I was not diagnosed @ age 17, I had to crap near another slide @ night cause I was @ a party and there were no bathrooms!

No, I have no obsession with playgrounds :P just coincidence.
Posted 12/24/2008 1:47 AM (GMT 0)
A while back I used to eat cinnamon sticks as a treatment for UC. After several days of taking UC my stools began smelling like cinnamon.

One day at work I was in the toilet and I heard one guy telling another  "I just don't know why some people eat their cookies in the toilet"

 

 

 

Posted 12/24/2008 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Possible upcoming funny story. I'll share it now so maybe it doesn't happen. Tonight for xmas eve, my girlfriend and I are having all her family over. Her grown kids, mother, brother and his family. about 18 people in our duplex. Should be fun and nice for everyone. Nice for me, no traveling and I get to cook which I love to do. Only possible problem... this Duplex only has one Bathroom. This could get interesting. What I have done is set up one of those folding toilet seat things with the bags in my basement cold room. In case of an emergency and the bathroom is full, I can slip off down there and use that. Hopefully this won't happen BUt..... Precautions. LOL THe girl friend is sworn to secrecy with her family over this, but she thinks its funnier than hell. ALthough I do have to say she has been amazingly supportive through this. This week makes one year we've lived together, and 10 months since this flare started. She really doesn't realize what its like to live with me when I'm not flaring. LOL
Posted 12/24/2008 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Uncle Bubba - don't be afraid to cut the line either - it is your house! But I understand how embarassing it is to stink it up and know that someone you don't know so well is going in next.

I'm going to chime in but my diagnosis is Crohns - I just lurk here. I have two (Uncle - yours just reminded me of one of mine)

My husband and I had a little one bedroom apartment with one bathroom. We were just engaged at the time and his family lives a plane ride away so I didn't know them all that well. They came to stay with us for the weekend. His dad had just got into the shower and his mom was in the living room making small talk with me. I had to GO then and now and was not going to run into the bathroom with future father in law in the shower, nor was I going to kick him out of the shower. While talking to MIL I said oh goodness, I have a library book due today, they are about to close - I forgot it was in my car last night. (The library was a 5 minute walk from my apt.) Without asking her to come or anything, still in my PJ's, I ran out the door, jumped in my car, sped around the corner, ran into the library and pooped my brains out. Then I drove back and went back inside just as FIL was getting out of the shower. MIL asks me what book I returned. I looked at her all confused and said "what?" Then I remembered she didn't know I went there to poop. So I made up some book. Then my future husband is looking at me like I'm insane and is like "it wouldn't be that big of a deal if the book was late and I'm pretty sure they were open another hour." I had to pull him aside and tell him I had to poop. He was like "why didn't you just say that" well for one it is TMI and second they probably would have made FIL get out of the shower. And Three I didn't want to waste precious time explaining. To this day the inlaws don't know why I had a book emergency.

2.) - This one still gives me anxiety and I have yet to go back to that church (there is another I have deemed suitable). My husband and I moved to a new town and decided to go to the small church nearby one Sunday morning. Having never been there I didn't know where the bathrooms were. I had seen a door when we first walked in, thought that was it and was pretty relaxed. Then, somewhere near the beginning of the ceremony, I have to go. I slip out to the back and try the door. It is not a bathroom. Uh oh. I look all around, can't find the bathroom. I go back to my seat and tap on the person in the aisle next to me (do you know where the bathroom is I whisper). She looks at me like I'm nuts and says if you go up over the altar there is one on the right." This is in the middle of mass! So I say, um is there one downstairs or somewhere more private. She shhhh's me and says, not that I know of. So in the middle of mass I trek up the aisle, over the side of the altar, and into a room -hoping I am going the right direction. Sure enough I spot a toilet. But there seems to be a lot of the priests personal things in there. I think it was his changing room/bathroom. Whatever, this was urgent. I plop down and explode. I can still hear mass and fear they can hear me. I finish, wash up, and head back down the altar, down the aisle, to my seat. I am beat red. My husband tells me to relax, that it wasn't a big deal. I try to stay. I feel better. Little did I know it was the start of a huge flare. about 15 minutes later at the start of communion, round 2 hits. I know if we leave I won't make it home or to a public bathroom. This is in the city so I can't just go run into the woods. So -back up the altar I go. I made my own music for communion and sat in there until I heard him wrapping up mass. I am sure the priest kept wondering who this stranger was going into his changing room, TWICE, in the middle of mass. When I came back out I grabbed my husband and demanded he bring me home immediatly. I called out sick from work and didn't go back to any church for a LONG time. When I finally did I went a day early and scoped out the bathrooms. I still can't bring myself to go back to that one.
Posted 12/24/2008 4:44 PM (GMT 0)
haha. Fitzy that is too funny!!

Bubba, you should ask a neighbor if they can make a bathroom available because one bath is difficult for a party that size. My boyfriends family has the same issue but I will not be here for xmas thankfully. They are having 20 people and all will be sharing one toilet. That is risky for me. I actually made my decision to go elsewhere partly based on the bathroom situation. Sometimes if it's bad, I could create odors worse than my boyfriends 80 year old grandfather. It could even drift out into the dining area in a worst case scenerio. skull   One time I went to the bathroom after his grandpa in the middle of the night and I almost passed out dead. I never envisioned that I could do something similar but lately, I have. My boyfriend will joke with me that it smells like the bathroom after his grandpa. His grandpa has diverticulitis, apparently that can cause a stink comparable to UC.

tongue Now my bf is making fun of me because I am sitting here having a laugh over this post. He says he knows I am reading poop stories but the truth is - I am writing a poop story. I will not clarify or he will come to this board and figure out my username and probably think I am really nuts.

Hope you are all having a wonderful xmas eve!! I will pray that none of us have a story to add after the holidays.

Posted 12/24/2008 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
Fitzy...K.... Love the church one. LOL.
Sickly girl..... upstarirs neighbors would normally be more than willing even though they are jehovah witnes and don't celebrate this holiday. They are good people and good friends but I can't ask them. They just had twin little girls that are premmies. Don't want alot of people walkin in there place till those little girls are a little stronger. I have only seen the girls once cause its cold season. I'm pretty sure I can get through with my fold down seat. Christmas day will be easier, all my family and only 10 of us. And they all are used to this.
Happy holidays ev eryone and keep posting these.
Chaosemerld... this topic was a wonderful idea. Gives us all a good chuckle.
Posted 12/24/2008 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
Wow! I am so impressed by the responses to this post. It's so great that everyone can share their horror stories and joke about them. If we can't laugh about our problems then it means we are letting them beat us. This is certainly much healthier than wallowing in self pity, and shows that none of us are alone in the embarrassments we often have to go through.

So, in the spirit of Christmas and sharing, here are another couple of stories to add to the collection...

1. I often find myself running to the toilet and having no idea which end to put down first (the poop or puke dilemma!) So I will sit on the loo and stand up and then sit down again and stand up again...and then I usually just end up sitting down with a bucket on my lap. It's quite horriffic really, but I often wonder how amusing it might look to someone else!

2. Yesterday I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping and had to use the public toilets. There was a huge queue inside and I was freaking out that I wasn't going to make it in time, hopping around in little circles trying desperately to hold it in. Thankfully, a kind lady let me go in front of her and I made it just in time. It was impossible to hold back all the noise but I didn't care, I was so relieved to actually reach the toilet! Anyway, once I had finished, I flushed and opened the door, only to get the instantaneous urge to go again. To the dismay of the others who were still in the queue, I had to slam the door back shut and proceed with Round Two. This time I hung around in the cubicle, just to make sure I was completely done and so not to embarrass myself again. Of course, as soon as I left the cubicle the urge returned, but when I turned round to go back to the toilet, someone had already disappeared inside. I had to hop around on the spot again (all the time with the other ladies watching me) and as soon as the next cubicle opened, I skipped the queue and pushed my way in front of the lady who was next. There were a lot of angry shouts from the ladies who had been waiting so patiently in line. Needless to say, I waited in my new cubicle for a good 30 minutes before I came out again. I won't be able to show my face around there again for a while!

Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you for sharing your stories! :)
Posted 12/25/2008 5:59 AM (GMT 0)
I used to be so scared of going to the bathroom in public. Now that I have Colitis, I'm not.
Posted 12/25/2008 6:15 AM (GMT 0)
see the thread on UC and camping for a funny one!
Posted 12/25/2008 6:26 AM (GMT 0)
nevermind- here it is...cut and pasted...

ok funny camping story for you...years ago (college days) we were camping in Sedona, AZ...We used to go almost every weekend somewhere...so anyway it was early in the am and i woke up and had to go! so i walked pretty far away from our camp site went behind some big rocks, squatted and got ready to do my thing...all of a sudden I was literally caught with my pants down when a Pink Jeep Tour jeep camp around the corner less than 15 feet from me!!! i was mortified! i think they were too...what did i do? the only thing i could- smiled and waved!
Posted 12/25/2008 7:56 AM (GMT 0)
Took the wife,girlfreind at the time,out to dinner for our first year anniversary.It was a beautiful classy restaurant so I wore a brandnew just bought suit.We had dinner,I had the fettucine with white sauce(big mistake) shakehead .Everything went perfect that night until it was time to drive back home.I kissed her goodnight and got into my car.As soon as I got on the highway I knew I was in trouble!I started to get the dreaded cramps, you know the ones that send shivers down one`s spine.I started to press down on the gas peddle a little heavier and said an "Our Father" every time I approached a traffic light once I had gotten off the highway to not turn red.Well I was really prairie dogging it,you know how the prairie dog bobbs his head in and out of his hole in the ground,well that is what was happening with my poo!Finally got to the last corner before home sweet home and blessed relief.But it wasn`t to be all of a sudden I just put the brakes on,it was about 2 in the morning so there was no traffic,and let it happen I coulndn`t hold it any longer the warm oozy feeling running down both legs and in my suit pants was incredible and I actually enjoyed it for a split second but the reality set in and I realized what a big clen up job was ahead of me.I parked the car in front of my house got out and did the old "John Wayne" walk up the stairs and into my home.Thank God everyone was sleeping,I went to the bathroom took my poor destroyed suit off and took a long hot shower.I got dried up and went in search of some news print to wrap my now unwareable suit in so that I could bury it first thing in the morning.And that is what I did I got up before anyone else went to the backyard and gave my suit a proper burial.This all happened some 30 yrs ago,to this day I wonder if the new owner of the house found a surprise while digging to plant vegetables! shocked
Posted 12/25/2008 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Just an update on the Porta folding toiltet in the basement cold room. Made it through last night (eighteen people0, with out having to use it. Also made it through today ( ten people ). I think part of it was just knowing it was there for my peace of mind. LOL. Also I contribute alot of this past few days to the spinach diet. Started it four days ago and today only had a little gas, and only two BM's. Kinda scary, cuz I know what I'd like to scream but am afraid to jinx it. Will give it a few more days or a week before I start hollerin.
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