Please help me...I feel horrible!!!

Here is an update- He texted me two nights ago saying this "I miss you....." I texted him back saying that I miss him so much also and if we could talk soon. This morning, I woke up at 3:30 to use the bathroom and couldn't sleep. I checked my phone and he left three or four text messages. The first four was this : " I want to talk, but I'm not sure what I want. I think you should see your doctors this weekend first. I;m not selfish, I don't expect you to wait around for me. I honestly don't feel I could take it if you lashed out and yelled at me again when you're angry, upset especially about something that has nothing to do with me, is not my fault, or is trivial nonense. You know it occurs frequently and I am afraid to talk to you." He goes on mentioning that I should be more supportive about his job choices, career, etc. (which is true). He also says that I do what I think is best for me. Then he goes on telling me that he was at a concert (which my brother was at also) and says that he was looking for my brother.

I just don't get it. I've made a lot of mistakes, which I've realized and comes to terms with. This is why I am getting help. I just don't know what to think about his text messages. I am really confused right now. :(

Heather

Thanks. As much as I am trying so hard to not left the situation affect my UC, it really has. I don't feel well. :( This is why I hate letting things dwell on for so long. I guess only time will tell.

heather

Hi, UC + relationship problem - u r going through a tough time! But it will pass and trust me when u will look back -u might feel it was not worth so much tension & pain. Time heals everything... what hurts today might not be so painful when we look back.
Whatever decision u take, make sure that is what u actually feel about things. Dnt make decision in a hurry or just because u want to get out of this situation which ever way it is. Evaluate very well what makes u happy and what u really want - advices do help but in the end it is just you who has to live with the decision. If u strongly feel that he is not the right guy for u - try to live with that thought for a couple of days/weeks and see how that makes u feel - if u still feel the same then go ahead and tell him and begin life fresh! But if that thought makes u feel miserable - then think again if that is what u actually want. There is something i have learned (& still learning) We r our best counselor - know what u want and then work towards it.... be happy and u will surely make everyone happy. All u have to do is BE HAPPY and trust me things will fall in place! My advise, do not be in a hurry to end relationship - take your time - go slow - u r young & u have lots of time Just because u r not able to walk this long road of 'break' from your bf ... dnt let ur impatience make u jump to the decision that he is not the guy for u.... take ur time! and most of all - do everything that makes u HAPPY!
Wish u lots & lots of luck!

Hi Heather! tell u what - become free!! yes FREE!! i just read ur reply and felt u really need to get out of everything and live your life! my last post, i thought maybe u r hurrying but your reply gave me a more clear idea of what u r going through! u need a bigger break than he does Just get free from all tangles, love your life & live your life!! Be happy (i m repeating this a lot ) Get control of your life that is the most important thing! If u decide to move away, promise yourself not to waste your time, energy & health thinking if what u have done is right, just stop thinking in that direction!! Take care of yourself and take care of your grandfather!
We have 2 choices - either we can be happy OR we can cry whole day with UC in our life .... so why not have fun despite our UC dear following us everywhere

My guy just left my house. After a few text msgs from him, I called and left a msg saying that I wanted to talk to him. He then called me in an hour and said that he was outside of my house. So I let him in and we talked for a few good hours. I pointed out his faults in a very nice way and told him what was bothering me about the situation. I was very determined to break up with him before I he showed up but then once we started talking and I looked into his blue eyes, I got weak again. Grrr!

The appointment went so well!! The therapist is so nice! I felt a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I feel very weak emotionally and not strong whatsoever. I have a lot of stuff to deal with. Only time will tell if this relationship is going to work. I just feel that I need a break from him and just from life in general. Thank god I have a vacation coming up in two weeks.

Its 2:30 am and I am tired LOL. My uc is acting crazy today. Oh well! :)

Have a good weekend.

Heather

Heather...I am so proud of you! Taking actions to work on yourself and making yourself a priority can be very empowering! Yea YOU!!!! : )

I think you're emotionally stronger than you think/feel you are...you're just entering a new situation feeling vulnerable...and that is perfectly acceptable and understandable. Just keep your eyes, mind and heart open and you will do great!!!

If there is a significant age difference between you and your boy toy that definitely could be the cause of some of the issues...I really try not to address age issues unless all other options have been explored. However, I will admit that when it comes down to it some of the main issues are caused beause of the age difference.

Again, I am so proud of you for taking care of you!!! Whoo-hoo!!!! Go HEATHER!!!!

: ) Robin

I've been married for 12 years dated for 6 years before we got married and when the UC hit and I was on presnizone, very evil drug, he looked at he and asked, "What the hell is wrong with you?" This is a man who bought me a beautiful black silky nighty when my scoping surgery turned out I couldn't get pregnant. Awesome man. My point is, these drugs can so change who you are and how you deal with things.
The counseling will help, but don't let them put labels on you. I think most of us who have UC are obsessive and perfectionist because it's something we can control b/c we can't control our own dam bodies, yes I still have some issues.
The time apart can be very healing, but you must reconnect to see if the bond is still there.
As for the teaching, I teach 2nd grade and on my lowest days it has often been my "kids" who have brightened my day with their crazy questions or their responses that are not anywhere near on topic
UC sucks, but don't let it run your life.
Good luck.

Move on, girl.
Heartbreak is hell, but you'll get over it, in time. Be strong, Peace!

The whole situation is really painful for me right now. Even though I did leave a msg for my ex or whatever he is, I felt it was the cold way to do it. I did call him back while he was at work, and we discussed things in a mature manner. As much as we do love each other, and we honestly do, we both have a lot of issues to work on. I really should have gotten my issues worked on after my divorce. I've realized that I;ve been depending on my ex to fill a void of unhappiness and to build my self esteem. I cannot do that anymore. Its not appropriate for anyone. There are alot of "stuff" going on. I do miss him terribly. We both decided to talk in a few months and see if this is fixable (not sure if its the right choice of words lol). He is not a bad guy as I am not a bad person either. We just have stuff to deal with. I've been told by his family members that I've made him a better person. It makes me wonder now how lousy his self-esteem, self-worth, etc. was before we hooked up. There are a lot of things I wish I can change about the last week, but maybe its an omen. I am getting help now for all areas of myself and I can focus on ME. As much as it does hurt, its time. I'm so burnt out emotionally and tired of making irrational and impulsive decisions just for the sake of being in control. I am also SO tired of relying on other people's opinions in order to make a decision about something. I am 30 years old! I should be able to make a deciison about what I want, not what others want or think is best for me. My ex-husband really did do a number on me emotionally, and its time for me to explore the world of therapy and get help. I met my therapist on Saturday and meeting her today as well. So regardless of what will happen between my ex and myself, hopefully this will be a learning experience for me as well as for him. I want to become an even better person and more relaxed, "go with the flow" kind of gal. Its tiring nitpicking, complaining, being in control, and relying on others to make decisions for me.

Yesterday was a very difficult day for me. I honestly felt I was being pulled in so many direcitons. One part of me wanted to run to my ex and have him kiss/hold me. The other part of me wants to run the other way. I've never loved any man like I love him. This is why its so painful. He did make me happy, but something went amiss over time. I became selfish, super controlling, moody, angry, and didn't want to do anything.

Hopefully I will heal in time and things will improve.

Thanks Quincy for your nice comments.

I really do care about others, especially my family and ex-boyfriend. We both agreed to let things be as they are for the next few months. I told him that I love him very much, but need to work on myself FIRST. Its a long time coming. I know I have trust and control issues. I want everything to be PERFECT. Obviously, this is not the way to live in life. My ex is not a bad person at all. He made a lot of mistakes in life as I have as well. Only difference between us is that nothing gets in my way of reaching my goals. As for him, he is more of the "go with the flow" kind of guy. This is one of the many reasons I was attracted to him. He taught me or at least tried to help me see that you can only life for today and tomorrow, not next year or even five years from now. His immaturity just got to the best of me. All he predominately discusses is Disney, Star Wars, and things of that nature. He is a very bright man and does his job well, but he has his own issues. He needs to attend therapy just as much as I do.

I told him that I do not plan to date or see anyone during this time of healing. He said he will not as well. We truly do love each other and I assume only time will tell if we are meant to be.

It bothers me to no end that he walked away from me or told me to "just go" when I was dealing with all of these problems. In addition, he was not there for me the past two weeks regarding my grandfather being in the hospital. This was an eye-opener. Made me wonder if he would even want to be there for the long haul. I feel that he wants everything to be perfect in our relationship. Sometimes I wonder if he even knew he was doing it!

In addition, he was very proactive with trying to learn sign language in the beginning of the relationship. As time progressed, his interest became miniminal. He did make some attempt to practice on his own, but there was no improvement. I just feel that I am stronger than he is in terms of dealing with stressful situations. The only difference is I can be obsessive and jump to conclusions as well as impulsive. Breaking up with someone on the answering machine is not in my nature. I had that burning desire to make a decision then and there yesterday morning that I did it in that fashion. This is why I called him later that day to apologize for the way I did it.

I don't want to depend on a man to make me feel beautiful. I want to find my self-worth, self-being, and do everything for ME right now. Basically, I want to become selfish for awhile until I decide why I am reacting in this manner.

So only time will tell. :) I do miss him terribly. I just feel all of this could've been prevented if he did not kick me out of his house and if we sat and discussed it. Maybe it was a learning experience for both of us. We shall see. :)

Heather

Hi saposs! You are truly a sweetheart! :) I saw my therapist toady and discovered a few things about myself that I never even thought of! So, I am going to work on myself and see what may happen in the future with my guy. Only time will tell, but it will be worth the effort, especially to heal. Thanks so much!

HEather

Sure Heather! i will
Also, good to know your therapy sessions are going on well. But remember, u and u alone are the best therapist for yourself, your therapist can contribute just 10% rest 90% is your job.
Have u tried meditation? Well even i haven't, but i plan to start it soon. The day we control our mind that day we truly learn to live- and i think that is what meditation teaches us! I do not plan to spend money on my meditation though - there is lot of stuff available on internet I also plan to learn different languages- planning to learn Spanish as of now .... want to keep my mind away from thinking about my diseases!! my chronic illness!! My antibodies who r killing my thyroid gland and my colon!!
O.k let me share with u something i had once heard and loved but m not able to put into practice - have u heard of Osho? Well i m not a follower of him(he died in 1990) but i saw on TV that one of his famous follower said - u can control your mind even in your dreams/sleep - he said when ever u go to sleep just keep thinking u want to see a rose(or anything u want to see in dreams) in your sleep.... u should try to see a rose when u r trying to sleep with your eyes closed - think nothing else.. just a rose.... within 3-4 months this is what u will see all the time in your dreams and u will wake up very fresh in morning! In my case i see a full length movie in my dreams sometimes happy and sometimes tragedy ... and i really want to get rid of them ... i tried it once or twice lately and hopefully will be able to make it a practice in near future..... Well! a long post today, i need to rush and get back to work
Enjoy!! & remember to smile for yourself...look good for yourself .... and be happy for yourself.... people close to u will automatically be happy seeing u enjoy your life