Quitting a sport (temporarily)...

Hi. So, I used to be a pretty avid track athlete (and snowboarding, but that's not germaine). Started track when I quit baseball. Sucked at first, worked hard, and got better. Got good, not great. Kept it up for three years of high school. Trained year-round. In my third year, I had my first bout of UC right during the middle of meet season. Didn't know what was wrong, was forced to pull out. Lost 20 some pounds. Finally got diagnosed and went into remission. Trained hard and gained that weight back and then some. Had a second flare-up at the end of snowboard season. Was forced to miss the provincial championships, b/c of fatigue, sudden weight loss, and long travelling time. The flare-up continued, died down, and then just recently began to flare again. Here's my problem:

I want to quit track for the time being and take it up again when I get healthty. All that training I did from last July to February is lost. I lost all that weight again in this recent flare-up. I tried to exercise through it this time, but I seemed to just lose weight faster. The main HS meets are a couple weeks away. I don't want to do them. I'm frankly terrified of embarrassing myself. As a kid, I used to have terrible performance anxiety. It went away as I trained hard and became more confident. I feel like that skinny 13 year-old stepping up against a 17 year-old pitcher again. I feel like I'm back there again. I'm out of my league. All my friends have matured up and bulked up just with age. Instead I lost weight. One UC flare up knocked out seven months of training; I used to sprint ten 100s every other day. I can't complete one now.

Anyways, I told my parents and I got the, "Are you just gonna give up hope and quit? Winners don't quit, Quitters don't win..." speech in entirety again for the first time since I was thirteen. I think I should be old enough to make that decision (I'm 18). The only thing stopping me is my mom is threatening to send all my teachers and coaches an email explaining that I gave up and babied out. She does stuff like that. She's been very upset since I got diagnosed. She thinks I'm using UC as an excuse to be lazy. She's also upset I don't have a prom date fttb, but I don't even want to think about asking anyone out when my self-esteem has shot so low. Moreover, I deliberately missed the form hand-in (sort of, I was sick with a flare-up and said screw it) so I didn't have to go through this but now they want to pressure the coach to pull some strings with the board to let me be on the team.

Advice?

Post Edited (jays_fan) : 5/4/2009 1:56:03 PM (GMT-6)

Do what you need to do for YOURSELF. Others cannot understand that the excess pushing of the body to compete also can exacerbate an autoimmune disease. It's stress of a different kind that's required to go over and above what the body may not be able to handle.

If your body is telling you to slow down, you have to do so.

If your mind is thinking guilt, you will only exacerbate your symptoms because you may not feel in control....it's the others who are telling you you're a loser, not a winner, etc.

They'll have to deal with their own disappointment....you have to deal with yours.

You're not quitting forever, you don't know what's available for you if your perception changes.

I've turned down interpreting jobs because of how I feel on a daily basis...as well, I'd have to give up my hair clients because I couldn't do both well enough without the added distress of "comfort".

The relief to say no is tenfold....and I have no regrets. My goal is to stay as well as I can mentally and physically. Not to say the mentally staying well doesn't take effort...it's what takes the most effort.

Using terms like babied out, quitter, loser, lazy...etc....is counterproductive, but I've used them a lot.

A break is good for you to rethink your future strategies. It's not to say you cannot go back, it's to say you need to get feeling better so that it's not what's controlling your every thought.

Seeing a counsellor might be a good thing for you to do to help sort out your thoughts.

Remember, the others have invested in you for their goals. You have to invest in you for YOUR goals....make them and see how it can all work for you.

quincy

So, what do you want to do about it? I'm not clear. Maybe a mediator is a good thing to consider...maybe your coach at school can help?

q

Yep, a school counsellor would be an awesome choice. Faking an injury...well, you probably won't have to fake if your flare increases. You maybe need a note from your doctor to take a year off????

I haven't gone through "this" before....but the strategies are the same in most situations. I do understand the plight you're experiencing, and how you may feel you owe your parents to be productive in an area you excel at.

Hope you're able to work it out in some way so that you feel better soon.

Life is a crisis...it's learning how to deal that's the problem.

quincy

As a former track athlete I kind of hear ya. I was not diagnosed in high school but had diarrhea problems. Our coach would drop us off 4 miles away from school and have us run back. I was always afraid I wouldn't make it. Here is the thing, even track is a team sport. Each event needs x number of people to compete. Explain to your parents that it is not fair to your teammates for you to make a committment you might not be able to keep. What if you are doing great and then flare before a championship? Tell them that it takes a stronger man to think about others first than it does to think about yourself. Now, to prove you are not lazy, you could still go work out w/ your former team mates when you feel up to it. Swing by practices and run along with them. Just don't be "on the team." Go and cheer them on when you can. I'd really like to drop a laxative in your mom's coffee, while she is at work, in front of her peers, and then take her out to a field, with all of them there, and say ok, nearest bathroom is a quarter mile away. Don't be a baby.

That would be funny, give your mother laxatives. For like a month. Evil, but funny. Never tell.

jays_fan. First of all, I am so sorry you have UC. My son is also 18 with UC. He plays lacrosse, and had a great senior year, thanks to 6MP. He played on a travel team last year, and rode in a van with the team to PA, all the way from SC. We were both totally stressed. With some Immodium, he did it. Sometimes you do have to push, but I agree with Bennie. We chose to tell the coach, school nurse, teachers, etc. just to make it easy on my son. This disease is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I want to bring greater awareness to everyone who is not familiar with UC. You need to take control, do what you can, and if you can't run, don't do it. As far as the prom, my son skipped it. I wanted him to go, and he said it was too expensive, and he isn't seeing anyone special. He wanted a new lacrosse stick instead:):) Hang in there, and feel better soon. You are not alone.