Dreams and wake up

I think I got depression and stay in down mood almost all the time. Sleeping is affected by UC, medicines, emotion. One issue is I often dream many times at night. It is hard to fall asleep, and I wake up times. In these dreams, I go back to the healthy life before UC, studying/working hard, playing a lot... But I seem to be 'conscious' during these dreams, and suddenly wake up, then reallize what in dreams is just past forever. I wonder how many have experienced such dreams and what you have done?

Some people tell me not to focus on UC, and to do somthing helpful/useful. I am dying for the healthy life before UC and hateing why I got UC. The too strong desire of getting healthy and having a normal life is squeezed by UC into my dreams. Buddism says dreams are the reflection of human being's greed. I just can not take it easy becuase life has been affected by damed UC. The healthy life in dreams lets me think I would never be saved by God...

I don't have a pet. - I am not in the survival mode but definitely need to fight against UC and its complication ... I am not scared nor unhappy because of beling alone. Were I healthy, I would rather practice what I have in dreams ...

quincy. No, I denifitely have not accepted the difference of life before and after UC. I would describe myself with 'good' words before UC. A very promising graduate student, solving a fundamental problem. Without UC, I would have finished degree and got a faculty position or a researcher position. In terms of career, money, marriage, and tons of 'bright-side' things, my life would be worth expecting had UC not come.

against.....I started sign language classes just before diagnosis, and 3 years later I was taking a 2 year interpreting program.

I can honestly say that it was very stressful....especially because of the anxiety attacks I was having before and during that period of time.

I succeeded and once working full time...I did so for 5 full years in the educational system.

My UC was actually the least of my problems, but when I did flare, I was happy they were able to get controlled fairly quickly with my meds.

I was on maintenance (tapered) meds for most of the time.

You life isn't over...you just may have to change the plan.

This is going to sound simplistic, but even people who don't have UC or chronic illness have major life-changing decisions regarding profession, relationships, etc.

I'll also tell you that this will not be your only disappointment. I suggest you make the full effort regarding your medications, get your UC under control and get on with your life.
It will serve you well for the rest of it.

Now, I don't have kids or a demanding husband, and I do have the option of continuing my small mobile hairdressing business.

Maybe some sort of counselling or therapy can help you get a different perspective on how you interpret your life.

I have mega vivid dreams, lots of issues get resolved through them, and I used a Dream interpretation book that helped the symbolisation of my dreams make sense as to what was going on in my life.

I'm not into the fatalistic interpretations such as teeth falling out and money coming my way, etc.

quincy

Well, your expectations are what will surely disappoint you. I learned that eventually in therapy. hint.

One has choices in this life, and the most humbling of realisations is that it's difficult when we have to choose to grow and experience the pain of learning another way to function rather than the ideal we've believed we deserve and nothing short of that.

The more negatives and disappointments you tally, the more miserable you will become because that's all you'll you'll be satisfied seeing. Seek to balance it with something that'll allow you to move forward and prepare you for future challenges (trust me you'll have lots).

The saying of get busy living or get busy dying makes sense to me. I'm not here for a perfect life, but I do want to say at my death that it was worth the struggle.

quincy

I have dreams that have my pre-UC life with UC (ex. I didn't have UC in high school, but I have dreams about high school and trying to avoid people figuring out that I have UC or what I would do differently). I blame the stress and depression and anxiety that I had in high school as the environmental trigger to my UC, and I still have trouble accepting UC sometimes. So I guess it makes sense.


Againstodds, are you flaring right now? I know that when I was flaring and none of the medications seemed to be working, I was completely hopeless. I didn't think I would finish my Bachelor's and would be stuck living with my parents forever and be just a bum. But here I am, a little over a year later...graduated from college and applied to graduate school.



But I understand about incomplete dreams (not the sleeping kind). If I hadn't gotten UC, I would have gone to different college (probably one that I would have actually liked!) and chosen a completely different career path. I worry that I'll be alone forever--it was going to be hard enough to find someone even before UC just b/c of my personality and interests, and now it sometimes seems impossible b/c who wants someone with a pooping disease? But you have to have some kind of hope...maybe I will find someone who wants to take care of me, maybe I will be able to have the original career path I wanted, and if not maybe I will enjoy the one that I have now chosen...



I've found that talking to a therapist helps a bit; maybe you want to give it a shot?

You should see a therapist or counsellor or religious counsellor possibly.

I don't believe God makes those decisions for us....

You have choices in what you believe....maybe do more research on the religious aspects of what those statements really mean at a deeper level through your religious minister, etc.

quincy

i dont think you have to accept UC, you need to fight it, you need to beat it. Thats survival mode. You do have to accept however that your life is different, and that even when/if you beat UC your life will still be different, it will never be like it was before UC.
Its not something that one person gets for being bad or for being stronger or whatever. Does God only give us what we can handle? Who knows. I know i am stronger person for what i have been through, and at times i am bitter because at the age of 22 i had the health of an 80 year old and because i missed so much out of life. But now i am making up for it. And when i look back, i realize that even though i was missing things, i was still doing what i could and trying very hard not to let UC rule my life. And at times it did. I do still sometimes dream about what my life might have been like if i hadnt gotten UC. But if i hadnt gotten it, then things might not have worked out like they did and i might not have my beautiful baby. everything happens for a reason. We cannot always change our cirumstances, but we can always change how we deal with them. And it is not what we are put through that makes us, but how we deal with those trials.
But back to your dreams, i have very vivid dreams, that are often odd and make no sense whatsover. And i do have those "awake" dreams. But never about that, i had one the other night where i thought there was a burglar in the house, and my son woke me up and i told him he had to be very quiet there was a bad guy in the house. He looked at me like i was crazy, but he stayed quiet, lol.
Im not much for the counselor thing, i find that writing helps me through things. Just watching the ink from the pen, makes it tangible and easier to deal with. And once its real to me, i can handle it. So if you dont want to try a counsleor, try that.

Sleep has been a problem for me as well.... i wake up at midnght and am not able to go back to sleep ..i just lie awake trying to think of different stuff...BUT i am actually sleeping - sometimes i even snore during those hours i am "awake"...and then wake up tired in the morning - saying to myself that i didnt sleep half the night when actually i had slept.

My dreams are the reflection of expecting promising/good life. For many reasons, I lost the courage/confidence of beating UC and "silver line" does not help me much. I also lose the interest of seeking/dating/loving a girl. Before UC, I just could not understand why a monk could live so well without a woman (love&sex).