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Posted 1/7/2010 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
My little brother has been pissing me off. He can't seem to understand that when I need to use the bathroom in the morning, I need to go, and it CANNOT wait. I tell him and my dad what time i'm getting up for a reason-so the bathroom will be clear when I get up. But this morning, it was occupied and I barely made it waiting for him to brush his teeth, and he's always complaining that 'she always kicks US out of the bathroom". Meanwhile I feel like I'm going to poop myself.

I really need to slip laxatives in his food or something.
Posted 1/8/2010 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
How old is your little brother?
Posted 1/8/2010 12:26 AM (GMT 0)
He's going to be 20 in February.
Posted 1/8/2010 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
Well then, shame on him! He should know better then that you have no control over this. But slipping him a laxative is a bit harsh LOL
Posted 1/8/2010 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Don't poop yourself, poop in his favorite shoes!
Posted 1/8/2010 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
Red-It's not harsh at all. I keep trying to explain, he keeps not understanding, so I'll have to teach by example.

Peety-I was gonna go for his bed, but ok lol.
Posted 1/8/2010 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel. i stayed at my older brother's house a couple months ago and he made me angry when he said I need to ask everybody if they need to go before I go.  I know I've told him before when I have to go I have to go. I'm so sure like I'm going to go around the house asking if anyone needs to go first. Yea right... I would understand if he didn't know that I had UC or if he had said it nicer but I was really dissapointed to the point i don't like staying over there any more.
Posted 1/8/2010 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
I really don't understand why people, especially close friends and family don't get it. They always seem to take our condition lightly like it's no big deal and that the problem is largely in our minds....it's very frustrating when they do that.

It's almost like they refuse to admit the obvious, that we really do have a serious bowel condition. shakehead

NBT
Posted 1/8/2010 5:36 PM (GMT 0)
Because people are generally self-centred and apathetic until they have to experience an issue/situation themselves.
It's an inconvenience to accommodate someone else continually....especially if there's one bathroom.
Posted 1/8/2010 5:52 PM (GMT 0)
Man I don't miss living with sibling. I feel for you. I can believe he's a grown adult and whining about that.
You should bake chocolate laxatives into brownies like on That 70's Show!
Posted 1/8/2010 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
These people do seem uncaring but look at thier point of view...

It's just hard for someone to know how "urgent", urgent is unless they've experienced it themselves. Even when they've experienced it they forget.

I go into remission for long periods of time (1-4 years) between flares and after a while I even forget what urgent means. I can't make it 15 seconds sometimes during a flare yet I after a couple years in remission it's hard for me understand not being able to hold something in for a few minutes.

Your brother is normal in my opinion and probably cares about you but gets frustrated at this never going away. I know he's your brother and should love you and do for you just out of love but...maybe try to pile on the thanks and rewards for the times he does has to sacrifice his use of the toilet because you have a disease that inconveniences him over and over through the years,

Yes, I’m saying instead of blaming him, getting mad, wanting to harm him…dig deep in your soul and buy him a gift to reward him for the many times he did sacrifice for your disease.

I may be way off here but I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes. If he's acting that way he must feel it's unfair you get free rain of the bathroom just because you have UC. In my opinion, having a disease should not give me special treatment...I just have to sacrafice that much more or people will resent me.

Am I worng here???
Posted 1/8/2010 8:10 PM (GMT 0)
Burli this comment is so true: It's just hard for someone to know how "urgent", urgent is unless they've experienced it themselves. Even when they've experienced it they forget.

My husband use to not understand before I was diagnosed with UC, not that the completely understands now, but he knows when I say, "I have to find a bathroom" there is a short window of opportunity!!! He made comment the other day when he had the bug, "maybe I know how you feel" my comment in return, was "I hope you NEVER know how I feel".
Posted 1/8/2010 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
I feel your pain. Again, no one knows what it's like to have this disease.
Posted 1/9/2010 1:28 AM (GMT 0)
I call it 'selfish'. I agree with quincy and Burli. I read some books on psychology. Some people, especially close to you, have to think you are OK no matter how severe your situation is, because otherwise they should not be happy. When we have a friend who is a UC patient, we feel obligated to help, which is a theory of psychology. If we do not help, then we will feel guilty. However it is really challenging to be patient with a UC patient. I get tired of keeping patient with myself!

So, what others do is to take conditions slightly (to avoid feeling guilty). I recall some lyrics - I have to/need to take it easy, because I can not take it serious.
Posted 1/9/2010 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
"We cannot know how a person with chronic ailment feels till we do not experience his sickness"..... since i have been dx i think i have a better understanding of feeling/limitations of other people than i used to have earlier....now i understand frustration, anger better as i have experienced all this myself.
Posted 1/9/2010 2:18 AM (GMT 0)
The basic problem is that people with active IBD need their own private john. In households with only one bathroom, access to it usually becomes a source of conflict among family members when kids reach their teens-- especially in AM, even when all involved are healthy. There's just a narrow time span when some have to get ready for work, others for school-- throw in some nasty cold morning weather, besides, and tempers flare, too. Sorry that you have to contend with this! / Old Hat (30 yrs with left-sided UC; presently in remission taking brandname Colazal)
Posted 1/9/2010 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
Got2Beleive-that sucks, though I'm glad I'm not alone.

NuffinButtTrouble-my mom and especially my boyfriend are pretty understanding, which is great. My dad seems mostly confused. My brother, though... well, he's possibly the most self-centered creature I've ever met.

quincy-hence, the laxatives.

callalily-never seen that show, but maybe.

burli-he's never really had to deal with it before. I only started getting sick in college, and I was never home then, and if I was I wasn't flaring. My boyfriend has had to deal with more and he's a freaking saint about it. This is really the first time little bro has been around me flaring. Also we're not really that close.

againstodds-I think it's less him pretending I'm ok and more him being oblivious.

Old Hat- hear, hear! I keep telling my parents we need more bathrooms, lol. One between the five we've got living here right now (my gma has been staying with us) just doesn't cut it. Thing is it's really only my brother and me who actually need to get in in the morning...neither of my parents currently have employment.
Posted 1/9/2010 10:08 AM (GMT 0)

I’m 43 but not too old to know what I went through at your age…

Your boyfriend would say he likes the smell of your morning or garlic breath, would say it’s fine for you to change the channel to whatever you want even in the middle of his ball game, would think it’s cute when you sample food off his plate while eating out at a restaurant, would compliment all the new clothes and think it’s humorous about all the shoes you have (I’ll stop here) at your age I bet. There is payoff for him and if it’s a new relationship you’re still making yourself look as good as you can (still hiding flaws maybe) in front of him waiting for your payoff…”payoff” is whatever for different people.

Your bother is more honest about what bothers him…and I’ll take your side but I bet you’ve done some things in the past that he still holds a grudge about…could be attention from parents, jealously about grades, any number of things…point is he’s telling you how it really is because there’s no “payoff” for him. (you’ll always be his sister), value what his reactions are because it is honestly what others might feel but would never tell you to your face.

thinking back to my relationship with my sister when I was your age , I was the younger brat and she was the older (only 3 years) "hen"--always in my business...I guess I was looking at a way where you could give even when he didn't deserve in order to open up doors of communication. Sometimes, however, sibling rivalry is not that easy.

But do look at his side and reactions as an honest gauge at what extra sacrifices you may  have to do because you have this disease…I get up at 3-4 am while on vacation with family when in a hotel room so I can be out of the bathroom by 6 so my wife and kids don’t have to sacrifice their vacation because I need the bathroom at my disposal…the rest of the time I try to use the lobby restroom in order not to sink up our hotel room.

I’m saying, because you have UC, you may have to sacrifice more and limit how late you can be out or what you can eat or wake up earlier (or give a gift) because, like it or nor/fair or not, you have something that limits the amount of fun you can have compared to someone with no chronic illness.

I don’t want to burden someone; if anything I want to make it advantageous for people to be my friend…or husband, or Dad, or brother…not bribe but fair

My sister and I have a great relationship now…living in a house with one bathroom where you need more time…I’m saying you may need to sacrifice in other ways or there will be resentment.

Posted 1/9/2010 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
Burli-We've been dating 3 and a half years and we've lived together previously (then had to move back in with our parents cause of the economy, bleh). Considering that he's sat with me through overnight ER visits and colonoscopies and has made food specifically for me to eat when I'm flaring (like roasting a whole chicken then making soup out of it), I think it's the real deal. He might not like morning/garlic breath, but it's not gonna stop him from kissing me, if you catch my drift.

As for logistics, I'm at the point where I only have to use the bathroom once once in the morning, but the urgency is still there (though it was a little better this morning). He also has to leave the house before me. The most recent instance, my brother said he was leaving the house at 7:20, and I was getting up at 7:15, which I told to him and my dad. Lo and behold, I get up at 7:15 and he's in the bathroom, and gets angry because I had to go. Every time I try to coordinate my morning routine with his it doesn't work because he lays in bed til the very last minute as opposed to actually getting up and taking care of things.

When I was flaring worse and going a couple times in the morning, I would take my first poo, then take my toothbrush out and eat breakfast and stuff to give him a chance to use the bathroom. Generally I try to be as accommodating as possible.

And as of late I've been very good about diet, and I generally don't stay out late at all as I only have one close friend within a half hour of me.
Posted 1/10/2010 1:06 AM (GMT 0)
I feel for you and understand your situation. For many times, I could not hold urgent poos on the way to school/hospital (anywhere). Washing unders is not a pleasing story...

I'm older than you and your brother. A man (boy) at this age does not understand as much as a mature guy, although he is older than 18. My parents sometimes don't understand me either. They ask me "what will happen if you just don't go BM?".

Find a way to adapt you to what you have. I would like to see all people act in the way you like, but this is not real case.
Posted 1/10/2010 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
well then send your brother over to my house--sounds like this kids needs to learn some respect for others...sorry you have to deal with that. Sounds like you've got the real deal so good for you!
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