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how r u feeling?....really

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 2/15/2010 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
OK so maybe this will make me sound like a u know what but I have to ask.  Iv been sick for a long time so even when Im "better" im not great.  But my question is does anyone else get tired of people asking how you feel.  I know that they are just conserned and I love all of my friends and family to death they have gotten me through a lot, but I mean I have UC I feel like crap(no pun intended) a lot of the time.  It doesnt always affect my life but as of now it is what it is.  I get a text message or call or something at least once a day asking me. I dont know if its the question itself or is it that I just wish I could say once "yeah I feel great" that makes the question so anoying.    
Posted 2/15/2010 9:48 PM (GMT 0)
I usually feel good. My UC symptoms are mainly bloody D so other than doing the deed and getting depressed at what I see I generally feel good enough to tell people I'm good if they ever ask. I do feel tired at times but I chalk it up to staying up late even though UC may have a little bit to do with it. Friends, family and coworkers hardly ever ask me how i'm feeling b/c they don't know how many times i go to the bathroom and I always say i'm doing fine anyways.

I try to be positve always so even if i'm having a really crappy day I can answer that I'm doing good if at that moment in time that they asked me I am feeling good. :) I guess maybe that has prevented a lot of questions about my UC from people,,, I don't know.

Posted 2/15/2010 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
mmcprincess
I want to say you're lucky you have people in your life that care about how you feel, but you knew that :-)
Maybe you mean that you can't say how you really feel and have to be upbeat. That takes a lot of energy that none of has to spare.

Maybe you could come up with a code like "I'm a 5 today" on a scale of 1-10. Something short and sweet to say how you are truthfully but not lots of detail. I get the feeling your peeps do care and want to know.

Or if you feel it's too much every day to respond just turn it around and say "Oh I'm tired of talking about me all the time. How are YOU?"

I am lucky to have a person that cares how I feel but I've told him not to worry and that when I feel bad I'll let him know. So he doesn't ask or worry constantly. Maybe you could do that. I don't like to think about my condition ALL the time, maybe you should let your peeps know how you feel about being asked.
Posted 2/15/2010 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
Any question gets annoying when you hear it over-and-over again. I used to live overseas. Being a "foreigner," I used to get the same questions over and over.
Posted 2/15/2010 10:12 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry this question annoys you so. It does me too. I'm feeling pretty well, but people know me when I was in the throes of it. The question comes up and up again. If I'm feeling OK, I'd rather them say to me, "How are you managing" because it's a management issue right now for me. I'm sure that people are really concerned about you, but they don't really want to hear the details. This forum is good for that.
Posted 2/16/2010 7:06 AM (GMT 0)
I don't mind people asking, and if it's a bad day, I say so.

People will always ask...some are a cordiality, others are serious...depends on who asks and depends on how they respond to my initial short answer as to how I continue.

I don't sigh or talk like I'm out of breath (as my mother-in-law) like she's on her deathbed....lol...I probably would make a serious statement and then say I'm coping.

I always ask those I talk to and would expect at least some sort of answer in truth.



quincy
Posted 2/16/2010 7:22 AM (GMT 0)
I never tell anyone anything is wrong so it really annoys me when people ask because I know my boyfriend told them my situation without my consent. Usually, this means they know too much. I generally pretend I am fine even though I feel like awful crap. It would be interesting if I let people know how tired I feel. The thing is, I am not sure I am any more tired than anyone else because I ask people and they all say they are tired. I wonder if everyone feels a little off or if it's just me? I am worse on different days and most days it seems to be tied to my sleep patterns but if my UC is flaring, that wil usually override any other crappiness I feel. Yeah, it's annoying when people are overly concerned but it's nice to know they care... Actually, the few friends I know who know I am "not well" always say that I complain too much and they don't want ohear about it. They want to tell me about their cold but if I mention my illness, I am a big, fat, whiner. Nice friends, right?
Posted 2/16/2010 8:12 AM (GMT 0)
i always answer truthfully. if i feel like crap i tell them.
if i feel ok, i tell them.
if i feel good i tell them.

usually they dont want to hear anyway, its just a courtesy question and they want to move on.
or, if they really care, they want to hear more and i tell them straight up.
sometimes its nice to unload how crappy i feel and have someone listen.
Posted 2/16/2010 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
I find that when someone asks and you say something like, "Oh there are good days and bad days, and I just try to get through them", they usually say, "Well you look great. You must have gotten over the Colitis!" I usually then just smile and say something like, "well not quite, just trying my best."
Posted 2/16/2010 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
I have to agree with you notsosickly girl. Other people always say their tired or something is wrong with them. I think people try to make a lot of excuses about things. Like for example, i play basketball once a week and if I make a great play on somebody or win the game I hear all kinds of excuses like "I'm soo out of shape" or "I'm old" or something else. I have to chuckle inside b/c I'm more out of shape and I'm probably older and I have arthritis and I have chronic diahrea and so on. But you'll never hear me complain. Life is what you make of it.

I am a HUGE Michael Jordan fan and remember game 5 of the 1997 NBA finals (my jr year in H.S.). MJ was diagnosed with a stomach virus and food poisoning. From watching the game you could easily see he was feeling horrible, but he still dominated and the Bulls won...

The people closest to you probably really don't even need to ask how you feel they can sense it. My brother who I hardly ever see never asks about my UC b/c as far as he's concerned I look and feel great. But my mother who I see everyday can just tell...
Posted 2/16/2010 3:50 PM (GMT 0)
I respond to this question differently depending on who is doing the asking. I'm a caregiver professionally, so when those folks ask, I understand that it's not my job to unload on them, and I give them a "courtesy answer." If I'm not great, I smile and say, "hanging in there." It gives them the message I'm not great but also deflects the topic.

I really don't like to talk about it much with even my closest friends and family. I'll update my husband, whether things are going better or worse, and maybe one or two close friends - but I figure bloody diarrhea isn't a great topic for conversation. So, though I, too, should feel grateful I have people who care, I am more likely to feel annoyance at people's questions, like mmcprincess.

Aren't we humans funny creatures!

The "scale of ten" system seems like a good system.... I should get my son in the habit of answering that way, for future reference.

In regard to Nor_TX's comment, I remember years ago when I was in the hospital for a few weeks for IV steroids and bowel rest, and someone visited. She looked at me and said, "You look good!"

I said to her, "The problem is NOT in my face...." lol
Posted 2/16/2010 9:23 PM (GMT 0)
I am generally not bothered by people asking me how I am. I give the courtesy answers to people I am not too close with as well, like the other moms at the preschool or what have you. When my close friends and family ask, I tell them the truth. I mean, it depends on the person, but I will tell people I am closest to how many times a day I am in the bathroom, how much blood I am losing, etc. (only a handful of people fall into that category though) I have no trouble with the honesty part, lol, and I find it easier for me to just be honest than deal with the questions about it that are so far off base, you know? Not that I ever invite anyone into the bathroom with me, of course (though my girls don't hesitate to come in and make comments-but what else would 3 and 4 year olds do?), but I do keep certain people informed. I don't try and make it sound worse than it is, or try and elicit sympathy, I just want people to understand as best as they can what my day to day is like during a flare.

I wasn't always quite so open. Between giving birth and going through the UC procedures, I guess I don't have much shame about any of it anymore. Maybe that isn't always a good thing though!
Posted 2/16/2010 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, Supa, I hear you on the giving birth and having no shame thing! I mean, the first time I used the potty after delivery, a nurse came in the bathroom with me, then squatted on the floor in front of me to demonstrate how to use the squirt bottle to clean up. Now, I'm sure I could have figured it out if she'd just told me what to do, but oh well!

I'm also pretty open as to how I'm feeling. Close friends and family get the gory details and others get a "I could be better" or something of the sort. Just after I was diagnosed, I let people know what was wrong (as it was clear by my physical appearance that something was very, very wrong), but just said I had UC, and left it at that. I didn't fill them in on the goriness.
Posted 2/17/2010 2:32 PM (GMT 0)
SongLady, that is a perfect reply, I hope you don't mind if I use it.

Today I am 2 days away from a delayed infusion and I am dragging my behind around work. So far (and it is only 1 hour into the school day), I've had 3 people tell me I look terrible. And I thought I did pretty good with the eyeshadow and blush this morning... must be my gray shirt.
Posted 2/17/2010 7:25 PM (GMT 0)
My son replies, " I'm lucky I got to get up this morning. I feel awful. Thanks for asking." Then he goes on his way. People who know him closely understand his witty reply, gossip hunters just shut up. For those that really want to know they ask more in depth ?'s.
Posted 2/18/2010 6:56 AM (GMT 0)
Great response!
Posted 2/23/2010 4:30 AM (GMT 0)
I have to say that my answer would depend on who's asking..and I can understand the frustration in always getting asked how I'm doing/feeling, but having the support of people around me has really helped me stay positive :)
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