You know you have Colitis when...

When all you want for xmas is one good poop.
When your butt and your GI's finger are on a first name basis...

When you know every TP sale in a 50 mile radius..........

all of your friends, family, work colleauges, and gym mates know you to be the source of the rank smell in the air.... weddings, barmitvahs, social gatherings--whatever, wherever--you're up for the task of potpourring the air with your own special aroma--for free!

this forum is great--thank you so much everyone for the humor. The beet comment especially cracked me up.

I've had uc in and out of remission for let's see.... 6 years? dipentum for year then it stopped working, asacol for a year which also stopped working, colazal for a year then insurance wouldn't cover it, lialda for 6 months (boy was that one terrible!), then I informed my gi that there is a generic of colazal and my insurance would cover that... thanks for letting me figure that out myself doc. weaned myself off generic colazal and successful no drugs for... 1 month. Now it's back. Taking generic colazal again and I'm visiting a nautropath this time around. My aunt and sister have had good luck with naturopathic treatments for their uc. *fingers crossed*

 

When you buy baby wipes...but you dont have a baby..lol
When you buy TP and you have 12 rolls of Charmin in the house...
Youre in menapause but your still buying sanitary napkin....
When you pack an overnight bag and your only going to the store...
Farting becomes and adventure...lol

You can actually relate to EVERYTHING on this thread!

Great additions everyone. It the sense of humor that keep me sane!

Crapping your pants isn't the big deal it once was-:) You just deal with it and have wipes and spare underwear with you at all times.

This thread is so funny!

... when you really really hoped it was just a stubborn hemmorhoid. 

Can't say I ever really wanted hemmorhoids before, but they'd be a whole lot better than what I got instead.

 

omg, that is so funny. I also wished so bad that my problem was just a hemmoroid.

Thanks for the chuckles. And let me add one...

You hate to visit friends because you know they'll notice that you use their restroom at least twice in the first hour and don't want them asking "are you okay?"

Then you dread your relatives visiting you because that's more competition for the bathroom!

You've used alternate locations for the bathroom when walking the dogs....

Your hoofing it and your pants are a quarter of the way down BEFORE you've entered the bathroom. Lucky if you can close the door behind you.

Reading this thread is very comforting and humorous!
The flashlight one I have never heard of, I can always tell if blood is in my stool, without even looking. (And I've never been wrong)

I can relate to nearly every single one of these.

Some of mine:

-Looking like three different people during the course of one year
-Somebody freaks about the pain of their diarrhea, you roll your eyes
-Sleeping 20 hours a day, being no big deal
-On the toilet, surfing web, in pain, put laptop down, no pain, pick laptop back up, surf web, repeat.
-Having toilet paper on the ground or on the toilet, versus having it wall.

Beeswax-I try to live in my PJ's during flares. Though, I had to go to some job interviews with a mild one in November. Dress pants and flares are incredibly uncomfortable together.

.......when you know good how a handful of snow feels on your flaming bottom after an emergency roadside stop on the four hour drive to see your GI......

This post is awesome.  I can relate to way too many!