Warning! This is a downer! ::Spewing::

Okay-So aside form the horrible physical effects of this terrible disease are the emotional scars that one can be left with.
First off, I have and incredible support system around me (husband, family) who have been my pillars throughout this horror feature film starring my Colon with an overactive immune system as a supporting cast.

Today was full of tears and hopelessness. I can't figure out why that is since I have felt a lot worse...My husband hates when I say this but I am gonna say it...it's not fair!!!! Why me?? I want off this ride. Sometimes in the middle of the night when I am not sleeping I feel like running out into the street and screaming.

Been thinking a lot about surgery lately...my visits to j-pouch.org have increased too. Lately I have been fantasizing about waking up from surgery being in some pain but knowing that the problem has been taken out...sweet relief. Then I have this though: Is it possible my mind is just as sick as my colon? This sickness is slowly taking hold of me. I pray I wake up with a different perspective.

Hugs to all, sleep tight.

 If it were me I would do it. I had a temp ileo in 2005 before I had UC. It was not fun at first. Finding what works and learning how to change my wafer was hard but once I got it figured out it was easy. By the time I had my reversal 6 weeks later it was second nature to me. I just had that talk with my GI that I do not want horrible side effects from drugs and I do not want to deal with anemia. He told me whenever I wanted surgery I could have it.