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visiting relatives who only hv a 1 bathroom house

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Posted 12/25/2010 11:22 PM (GMT 0)
My husband & I visit his parent who lives in an older house with 1 bathroom. I asked my mother-in-law what they do in case of emergencies and her reply was to "hold it". She knows of my condition and I tolder that won't work for me. I was ignored

I tried a second time and emphasized that we really need to cosider some alteratives as I hv no control over my condition. I was ignored.

My huband tried bringing it up and he was ignored.

I figure if an emergency happens then I have no choice but to poop on her floor!
My other option is to purchase a portable pottie. Where do you get one of these and how expensive are they?

I can't understand some of the reactions I get because I hv UC! Trying my best to deal with it...that's all I can do. Even my husband was shocked how his mom reacted!
Posted 12/26/2010 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
That's so incompassionate that they don't seem to care about your needs. I seem to always have to stay with people who only have one toilet and it's not easy. I also always have visitors and I only have one toilet. It's really inconvenient to have guests when you have UC and limited bathroom facilities. I try to get a hotel these days instead of risking being uncomfortable in someone elses house. I have visitors coming here in a few weeks and I actually thought I should get myself a hotel and they can have my place because I am worried about the "whatifs". Luckily I am feeling pretty good right now so I don't anticipate any issues but you never can tell, things could go awry at any moment. Last time I had guests, things started acting up after a couple days and I was on the toilet 5x/day by the end of their trip. I think the stress of being in a place with one toilet makes matters worse.

Merry Christmas!
Posted 12/26/2010 12:39 AM (GMT 0)
Of course we UC'ers are very aware of how important having an accessible bathroom is but what could your MIL do? Adding another bathroom would be impossible.
Is there a motel in reasonable distance?
How about having them visit you instead?
I remember when I was in such bad shape that even 1 toilet in a motel room filled me with fear of when my spouse was using it and I couldn't. Bad old days (just last year).

Good luck.
Posted 12/26/2010 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
Wow, i have never had anyone treat me that way before!! All of my family and friends and even people at work have always been so supportive and understanding to me and my extra needs. I think maybe you need to sit down with them and explain that you love coming over but how it makes you feel uncomfortable. I dont see another way besides what imagardener2 suggested. Goodluck!
Posted 12/26/2010 6:52 AM (GMT 0)
yeah, the one bathroom houses are the worst when you're flaring. I am in a little flare at the moment so had to invite my family all up here for Christmas instead of going to my brother's where there is only 1 bathroom.

http://www.amazon.com/Sanitation-Equipment-Deluxe-Portable-Toilet/dp/B000FBNWYK/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1293345916&sr=8-3

this one has good reviews but is $110.

I would get one, or something like it if I were you. will you have a private room or are you sleeping in a main room? Ideally you could use it in your bedroom if you have a room to yourself. Sometimes just knowing you have the option of a little potty can help you hold it until the actual toilet is free.
If you really don't want to spend that kind of money, you could just find a large kids' potty and then you'd just have to empty it into the toilet once the bathroom is available. stinky but better than the floor.
I keep a kids' potty in my car for emergencies and have had to use it a couple of times. I hate when I have to use it but it is about a million times better than pooping in your pants!
Posted 12/26/2010 7:34 AM (GMT 0)
why are you staying there? stay in a hotel and visit when you're able.

Your MIL will eventually get it when/if she ever loses her bowel control and poos her pants. But, it'll be too late for empathy..

I'd never stay there...actually, I'd never stay where my butt doesn't have a place for privacy and a pot to poo in.

q
Posted 12/26/2010 8:46 AM (GMT 0)
I went through similar situation, not with similar folks but one toilet in the house and I was popping in 40mg bentyl 3 times a day. I felt like constipated after 3 days but that was worth than pooping in the pants.

In your case, better don't stay at your MIL's place,, stay in hotel or motel. What is your husband's reaction? He 'still' wants to stay?
Posted 12/26/2010 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
 

I've had UC for 20 years.  In the past, I've always stayed at a hotel when visiting people.  I think people don't really understand chronic disease.  I guess they think it is like a cold, you get it and then you recover. 

I used to travel a lot.  The bathroom setup on airplanes was my worst fear. 

Posted 12/26/2010 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your suggestions and support.

My husband explained it to me this way. It's the culture there...a small Catholic mining town out in the boon docks. It's "taboo" to talk about such things...but they can joke about it.

I found it interesting how my MIL clams up over my situation but can always make general referenced pertain to my symptoms and problem areas in fun. In fact she bought here sister a Jolly on the John talking snowman from Hallmark. It's a motion detection showman holding a plunger cracking bathroom going jokes. I'll admit it is entertaining but when I think of the type of people present I found it to be insensitive and insulting...now if I was in a group of people with UC and this gift was presented then I think we would be a BIG HIT and I wouldn't feel embarrassed. it's just very ironic...you can joke about it but you can't talk about it seriously.

This really puts a strain on our relationship. From time to time I going to need to talk to her about this so I can be reasonably accommodated. It would be different if it was another type of illness. It really "blows" having the digestive one (pun intended).

Unfortunately staying at a hotel doesn't really solve anything if I spending the day at their house. I think the portable toilet is the best solution. That solves one main problem. I can't force my MIL to to participate in a conversation. If I don't go there for visit it would be due to this type of reaction. The silence treatment is the worst. You never know where you stand with that person.
Posted 12/26/2010 9:35 PM (GMT 0)
Of course she can't be expected to install a new bathroom, so there's not much she can do about that. But she sounds like precisely the sort of person I wouldn't care to visit anyway. There's no way I would pay the price of a hotel or the cost of a portable toilet (wait for the jokes about that btw), just for the opportunity to visit some goof. ...the only thing that would tempt me to visit such a person would be the opportunity to leave a memento on their floor.

Nice thing about the silent treatment - it works both ways.
Posted 12/26/2010 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
At least if you're at a hotel, you wake up and have your own bathroom and if you have to go in the night, you don't have to worry about someone being in there. I know it sounds like a slim shot that the bathroom would be occupied in the middle of the night but it happened to me at my in-laws house. Grandpa was in the bathroom for an hour in the middle of the night. I swear, I almost crapped myself. Maybe it was the night I sharted. I don't remember. It was awful, one bathroom and someone was in it at 4am. How I dreamed of a motel room with my very own toilet! I agree that she doesn't sound very nice & I wouldn't want to visit her. At least my in-laws try to be thoughtful about my UC, there was nothing that they could have done at that hour, gramps has digestive issues as well... I forgot to mention, when I finally got in the bathroom after grandpa, the smell was absolutely unholy. I am sure I added to the odor.

How would you show up with a portable toilet? She doesn't seem like the type to be accepting of such things.

 

Posted 12/26/2010 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Not looking to start any family wars...already cut off communications with my sister as she seems to be so opinionated and believes if I lose my colon it's my old God-darn fault because I didn't watch what I ate!  Now those type of people I can do without!

Everybody reacts differently to chronic illness and I was just diagnose this July so it's still quite new to all of us.  

My husband's parents are good people. They did buy me some decaf tea as I no longer drink cafinated.  They just don't know what to say, I guess.  I can't keep pushing people away.  Being alone is the worst thing that could happen to me right now.  I don't want this disease to make me bitter.  Life's too short.  I just want to be reasonabily happy in this life...that's all.  Not asking for much.

My husband said he'll try and talk with her later this week. 

The portable toilet will come in handy for other things too :)

Truly I don't care how she would react if I show up with a portable toliet.  It's only only choice at the moment.  At least I'm showing I'm taking care of myself. She'll just have to get used to it.  There's nothing more I can do.

We had the same problem at my grandma's house as kids.  Grandma would at least have a bucket with some water in it with a toilet seat on top prepared for emergencies down in the celler.  I even mentioned this to her but got no reply.  A commode would be another option if it stayed there. You can get one for about $40.  if she wants me to visit then she'll just have to put up with it. 

Posted 12/27/2010 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
It sounds like a MIL-thing. My boyfriend's mom would probably respond the same way, with the jokes and all.

If you don't go, your relationship with your MIL might get worse. If you go, you might have to suffer. For example, your MIL might make fun of the portable putty.

I stopped going over to my boyfriend's parents' house a few months ago. His mom knows why.

And then a relative really wanted me to go over to my boyfriend's parent's house the day before X-Mas because she [the relative] was going to be there. So I went. His mom was worse than usual due to my choosing to stay away.

However, I've no plans to see my boyfriend's mom again unless the other relative goes over there and then it will just be for the other relative.

It's a shame. But it takes two to make a relationship work. Sometimes you have only two choices: suffer or leave. After five years of suffering, I've decided on the later.

Post Edited (subdued) : 12/26/2010 5:39:38 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/27/2010 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
I'd stay at the hotel or stay home.
Posted 12/29/2010 12:34 AM (GMT 0)
Well my husband spoke to his dad and apparently the thought of a second bathroom is a touchy subject. Apparently there was some fight over putting one in at some point in time and I guess some "old feelings" resurfaced. My FIL like the idea of getting one of those camping portable toilets. He knows how it feel to have the urgency to go. apparently he has that problem quite a bit and that's why he doesn't stay overnight at our place on visits....which doesn't make sense as we have 3 bathrooms!

He said he'll talk to his wife about it.

Sometimes it not always the way it appears to be. wink
Posted 12/29/2010 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
That's great that he is so understanding. I guess it's never easy having one bathroom & it's always a sore spot. I only have one right now and it's very frustrating for me. I would love to entertain guests more often but it's uncomfortable for me to have to worry about the bathroom being occupied. At least you got the porta-toilet conversation out of the way so they won't be surprised when you show up with it. Sounds like your FIL may be needing it more than you do!
Posted 12/29/2010 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
That is the worst! Nothing gives me more anxiety than staying somewhere with one toilet! And usually that is when my mind seems to make my butt think it has to go more! Taking a port-a-pot is a good idea!

In my family we have learned to laugh about it, with me and my dad we had too! This xmas we went to FL and I shared a hotel suite with my parents. I wasn't worried about one potty until one week before we left my dad said his UC was flaring! It made for very interesting mornings! Funny thing is I felt sorry for my mom, the only one not sick! She couldn't get in there between me and my dad for the first or two hour of the morning! It was poop central as she called it! Luckily with some good toilet jockeying and butt clinching - no holiday accidents with only one potty for two IBDers!
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