A question about sex/marriage

shy to post this question, but really wonder how you deal with it...

met a girl, and she left me because of worring about the heredity of UC...

Another girl left too because UC affects sexuality...

 

I agree with Sara14.... My hubby and I when we were dating hashed everything out, even before we started dating and were just friends. If a girl leaves you because of 1 issue, then that girl just isn't the right one. The right one will accept you for who you are, and will be there for you when you need that person the most.

That's terrible. I am sorry you have encountered such heartless girls. i agree with the others, when you meet the right one, she will want to be with you regardless of UC.

Keep looking for the right girl, she's out there looking for YOU.
Do not accept those others opinions into your heart, they are the wrong person, their opinions do not count at all.

You don't need 100 girls to like you but you might have to date 99 to find the one that is perfect for you.
Dating sucks even for people who have no medical condition, believe me. If it's not UC it's something else, too short, too poor, you name it.

Finding the right person is one of the best things you can do for yourself in life. To me even more important than career. I chose my partner over 35 years ago and he was not tall and not rich but he was a really nice person. I was really smart. Look for a smart girl who is looking for you.

I agree with Subdued. It is a tough call re: genetics. But this woman didn't like you enough to put that aside and maybe consider adoption. Like everyone said, these aren't the women for you. I found when I was a real pity party about my disease my husband stayed away from me. When I became stronger, and more management oriented, he admired that and respected me for the challenges I face. He has dystonia in his arm and he's a musician so he's always working on that to try to overcome it. So now we have something in common. I think in the past there was a point where he didn't get it, and I didn't know enough. Once I hit the hospital, he really understood how serious it is and that it's not my fault. The second time I flared I said I wanted to go to the ER myself. I showed more independence. My advice to you, is do your best to be strong, and manage your disease and have a sense of humor. All of those are very attractive qualities to the opposite sex.

I'm also bipolar and a guy left me because I just had the diagnosis. I wasn't showing any signs of it. But he said I was a ticking time bomb and he left. I understand how some people can't deal with it.

Well, I say they're heartless, because even if genetics is an understandable reason, she prolly shouldn't have told you that.

If what you meant in a later post, was that you feel like you're distancing yourself, just try to accept the UC and work with it.

Also, hang in there. You'll find the right person. My bf met me after UC and is very understanding. Good luck! =)

Just keep on trying. I'm looking for the right girl, and have to say that it's not easy. I don't think it's easy no matter what, UC or not.

I went on two first dates with girls I met on eharmony within the last month where we met each other at a cafe. Both times I got there early, but had to use the bathroom. By the time I was done in the restroom both times the women had arrived. One even texted me while I was in the bathroom, saying "I'm here, are you?" Ah... it's challenging, lol.

I had told both of them that I had a health challenge. One brought it up and I told her that I didn't want to be specific, but that it can be serious, and that there's no cure. That probably wasn't the best way to sugarcoat it, and even though I felt she was interested beforehand, she wasn't by the end of the date.

The other one was understanding... and said that I didn't have to talk about it, but I could if I wanted to. Unfortunately it didn't work out, my choice.

There are going to be plenty of women that will understand and empathize with your situation. There's a girl I'm friends with that has Chron's, and she has told me "Those cute girls you like, well, they're not so cute if they can't take you as you are." I suggest you just keep trying, and do the best you can to take care of your health. Within the last month I've gained a lot more control over my bowels through much effort and learning... and feel more confident that I could handle dates with confidence (which comes easy if you aren't overwhelmed with needing to use the restroom!). I know I'm not full of suggestions in this post, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this crazy dating game while having UC.

Take care.

notsosicklygirl said...
When it really comes down to it, any one can develop an illness, it doesn't have to be UC, it could be cancer, autism or any other of numerous illnesses. I don't know if we can choose our mates based on genetics, no matter how good you pick, your kids are still at risk. Does this woman ask all her boyfriends for their family tree and medical history? Is she aware that people develop illnesses regardless of genetics?

 

 

Great post! Totally agree with this.  (I don't know why it's not letting me type outside of the "quote box.")

Sex

UC inhibits sex drive? Really. Hmmm. I think if you talked to my wife, she would declare that a myth.

Heredity

Me, my brother, and one of my sister's all have UC. In all the times we've ever talked about our disease, which is a lot, I honestly cannot ever recall a time any of us has ever fretted about it. Neither my Dad nor my Mom has UC. Grandparents didn't have it. I don't know of any other blood relatives with UC.

If it's all about heredity, then I guess we're the Adams and Eves of UC.

I tend to think our industrial obsession with petro chemicals since the 1940s has driven disease rates up in a variety of areas.

Marriage And The Future

Do not be discouraged. about 13+ years ago, my wife, then girlfriend, and I had been "living in sin" for about 8 years. If you woulda asked me early in 1997 about marriage, I probably woulda changed the subject. Who would have thought that a coworker talking to a job recruiter about a potential job with Carnival Cruise Lines, followed by said coworker giving me the recruiter's name and number, would lead to a new job, in a new state, and a new wife.

I had presumed she would move with me from Maryland to Florida for the new job. She made some off-hand comment about "have fun", which left me somewhat confused. "You mean, you're NOT going to move to Florida with me if I get offered the job?" Took a day or two of reflection, and I realized this was a fork in the road of my life and I had a choice. It really wasn't much of a choice that required a lot of thought. I told her that regardless of what happens with the interview, and regardless of whether I get offered a job or not, will you marry me? She said yes.

I was serious about this, and to make the point I told her that if a job with Carnival fell through that we were going to move to a new apartment in Virginia from our apartment in Maryland. She agreed.

Literally in the span of about 2 and a half weeks, we decided to get married, we flew down for an interview and they paid to fly my then girlfriend to fly as well, I interviewed, we flew back, we got married, I got an offer, I accepted, and we flew down again (now as husband and wife) to do the drug test and find an apartment.

After about another 2 weeks, we underwent our first move with professional movers, moved our stuff, moved our car, and we went with just what we could bring in checked and carry on luggage, including 3 cats. And, we were in Miami, Florida with a rental car.

Today after 13+ years of marriage, 3 kids, 6 more moves across 3 more states, we're still together. I have a hard time remembering a time before kids, and a time before marriage seems more like a past life rather than just the past.

When it comes to babies between me and my husband, we really want to have our children. we know that there is a possibility of us having a child with UC, but we are prepared for it. I'm sure when it comes down to it, once you find your future wife, she wouldn't care weather the baby gets this disease or not. I'm sure she'd just be prepared for what to expect. I know no one wants any child to get this disease, but just to be prepared for the possibility is a good step.