Divorce

Geesh, whatever happened to "in sickness and in health" ? So sorry. I agree with the poster who said "don't blame UC, blame your shallow wife". I guess some people think those wedding vows are just words. I hope it ends up friendly so it doesn't pile on more stress for you.

It also says something about your shallow wife if she is willing to lose both you and her daughter over this. The best of luck to her. I have a feeling she is going to need it. There is no question in my mind that sometime down the road she will regret this very much, but, that's her problem.

I need help said...
I wish my wife would go to counseling.

It is not always the answer:

Case 1 :

We went to counseling and instead of screaming at the top of her lungs at me she put on an act. Complete lack of integrity total waste of time and money. I found a tape recorder in her purse and that was something she learned from her brothers divorce. So I got one too and recorded her screaming for 15 minutes at me.

Case 2 :

Buddy went thru it and he and his wife attending counseling for one year while she was sleeping with the bus driver the camera guy and the druggie guy.


I think before someone receives Extreme Alimony they should have to attend 1 year of counseling or you get nothing. The situation is setup now such that the laws do not support marriage they support divorce by rewarding the 'quitter' with money. Maybe its a waste of time like it was for my buddy, fine but at least she went and she could have had a change of heart, I think that is the minimum before you get access to someone else paycheck for years.

Paying someone to quit, bail on the family makes no sense to me. Why reward them ?

The vows said 'till death do us part' so unless your being physically abused you should honor those vows.

Totally messed up my daughters life. Doing all I can to compensate.

Hang in there Greg, you will realize how truly strong you are as a man being on your own. Stay prayful, if that helps you!

 

So sorry to hear about this, Greg. It is awful what illness can do to a marriage. Talk about bringing out the worst in people.

I've been in couples counseling with my husband for months. Last Wednesday in our session he dropped a bombshell and said he was days from leaving me because I'd become so emotionally distant. This was days before our tenth wedding anniversary. We are still hanging on, but I'm not sure how much longer we can do it.

i need help:  she was probably repressing everything and keeping it all inside. obviously she was unhappy but did not talk to you about how she felt, instead just let it build up inside.  marriage is hard, you need to work on communication, and discuss how you feel about things instead of letting it build up inside and then one day just leave.

sorry you are going through this. maybe look into counseling for you and your daughter or perhaps a support group.

all U.C. fault

Lonie said...
Yes, time for you to get into your survival mode now as well and seek an attorney's help asap. As the above poster said, document and keep a dated journal -- I know you are hurting right now and that it's hard to believe someone you thought you knew well and loved would do this, but stay strong for you and your daughter.

You definately need an attorney. Blended rate I paid was 400 per hour. I ran into my ex-wife at the bank but she did not take it all.

Imagine her complaining on the phone to all her friends and family over the last 6 months. What are they going to say ???

Of course they are going to tell her to dump that jerk and get away from him. They are sick of her asking what to do so everyone starts urging her to pull the trigger and take action.

My ex would not lift a finger to help sell the house. She would leave lights off and toilet lids open in a further attempt to thwart me while I ripped out bad sod and replaced it, completed every project on the property and prepped it for sale - I met the woman who bought it, it was so clean she thought nobody lived there. I sold that place myself while my friend had to abandon his as he was filed for divorce on the same day that I was.

Instead of helping she would go stay in a hotel on weekends for 300 a night with my daughter. She racked up all kinds of bills decking out her new place in new stuff and purged everything related to the marriage exactly like her brother did in his divorce.

She never made the transition to 'business partners' for the home or the child. I gave her a book from the school about insulating the children from the hostility and how the children will do post-divorce, essentially they will fare exactly as they witness the parents getting along. My child was breaking down on the playground in uncontrollable crying fits and my ex simply denied anything was amiss, at her place she attempted to cover up the crying by stuffing candy in her mouth. If they see theater and it all looks happy they too will be happy. If you have a nut-case screaming at you during handoffs like I did then its very hard on the children. ( I never cheated on her, no idea what her problem is ). She never read the copy of the book I gave her. It has been all about her she could care less what damage she does to the child.

Funny now she has nobody to turn to and keeps coming by our place for fist fulls of cash which will stop soon.

Here are the phases each new boyfriend goes thru before terminating the relationship with her.

1-Euphoria, wow she is so hot and so into me !
2-Boy she drinks a lot but she is crazy about me !
3-Man she is critical of everything I do I cannot seem to get back to #1
4-This aint worth it man, my business is tanking while I focused on this 'honeymoon' I think she is nuts
5-I want out - dumps her.

I told her to not reveal the ugly part of her personality until she seals the deal and gets married.

Post Edited (aguywithuc) : 10/9/2012 12:18:25 PM (GMT-6)

Sorry about your daughter. I guess that's a good reason to dump the both of you. I'm glad you sought legal advice. You've already got the short end of the stick on some things so I hope she gets the short end of the stick in the divorce.

Wow, I found out she is going to also file and I think she wants the house with a kickout order on me. I got dizzy yesterday and fell down some steps.  I have not been eating well and bleeding like crazy.  Anyway, my daughter told her and now she is trying to say my daughter should not be with me.  It was an accident and she wants to blow it up.  What's next?

Sorry, just have to vent some more.

I need help said...
Wow, I found out she is going to also file and I think she wants the house with a kickout order on me. I got dizzy yesterday and fell down some steps. I have not been eating well and bleeding like crazy. Anyway, my daughter told her and now she is trying to say my daughter should not be with me. It was an accident and she wants to blow it up. What's next?


Sorry, just have to vent some more.

My ex tried to get me out, it would have been a big mistake. Not simply because I single-handedly sold the marital home but because leaving would have reflected on my parenting.

The way the court views children is the following, I know this because I went out and read all the law on the books.

"The Tender Years" IOW young children need to be with the mother not the father. 11 is my daughters age and that no longer applies. However the judge will never ever hear any testimony from her - PERIOD. It varies from state to state but in Colorado people think the kid gets a say-so. This is not true in my state. I paid 10k for a CFI or Child Family Investigation after the divorce to correct the parenting time. I needed to get her to stop drinking recently and my attorney said all we could do is another CFI. The CFI interviews the child and parents and submits report to the judge. The judge will read the report. Because children believe in make-believe, santa clause and the easter bunny the judge will not listen to them. I asked one more time 2 weeks ago and my attorney said its possible he would speak to her but not about anything important and nothing from that conversation would be used to form an opinion or decision by the judge.

The courts want both parents involved. This is painful because my ex has been a horrible influence and bad example. I brought the cops over with her hammered and she slammed the door on them and sat on my daughter while we pounded on the door and rang the phones. All the court did was put her on monitored sobriety and there was no penalty when she admitted to violating that order.

Laywer up, document and keep being a good parent. Part of that means getting control of UC and being available to her. Keep a ledger of time you spend with her it can be used later.

It will be a tough road but children inspire us to do the impossible for them every day.