Fatigue, Emotions and Lonliness: My Thoughts...

If I'm quiet with myself, and take time to pay attention to my patterns of health and disease, it's easy to see how my moods go down as my body becomes worn out (needing rest). I've worked long days this week, and worked today (Saturday) for six hours. My colon has been showing signs of pain for the last day now, and I just started noticing loose and urgent stools this evening...

I'm at home, wishing I had a significant other in my life. Essentially... I'm lonely. I don't get this way until I'm fatigued enough that I really know I can't do my chores, hobbies or anything else until I get some much needed rest. I have close friends I can go see, and I have a great dog, but sometimes it's just not quite the same as having someone close to love and talk intimately with.

I just wanted to have someone hear my thoughts I think. If I get some rest, watch a comedy or two, and then sleep well, I should be good to go tomorrow. It's difficult to always be so logical with my body and emotions... but I'm trying!

Good luck to everyone with all their own issues going on tonight :)

Thanks, nssg. Yes, I just got out of a short (1.5 month) but intense relationship.

My dog will definitely get a cuddle, and probably a nice walk tonight. She's been there for me every time I've been down and needed someone. It's amazing the loyalty and limitless amount of unconditional love they have for us.

I'm sorry you still feel down/lonely a lot with the support of a SO. Perhaps it's just part of the battle with a chronic illness. I definitely have to stop and remind myself of all that I have going on, and to be thankful for my strength day in/day out.

I'm definitely looking for the perfect woman for me. Going out like this wouldn't do any good, as it's the confidence that works! ;) I spent so much of my early and mid twenties trying to just make a stable life for myself knowing my challenges, that I'm only getting into dating very much within the last couple years. Each relationship shines a TON of light on what I need, do not need, and how to approach things better next time around. Plus, each experience seems to be building a lot of confidence overall, even if my heart takes a beating with these hard endings!

Hang in there man. I think it's terrific that you use all this as learning experiences. That's bound to help in the end.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'm okay overall, and resilient in the long run. I just needed to share my thoughts tonight. With a little rest I'll be fine :)

But yes... finding that special someone is something I want all of us to have that want it. Regardless of how happy we are supposed to be with or without someone to share our lives with, getting the support from the right person is without a doubt a great positive in our lives.

You know, even with a SO, you can still feel lonely. I've been married for 23 years and while he is a great guy, I don't think he totally gets my health problems. That is why I come here :) I wouldn't trade him for the world, don't get me wrong. But unless you find someone that has a chronic health condition, there is always going to be a "wall" separating you.

But it is nice to cuddle or to be held during difficult times. You will find someone soon, I know it. In the meantime, even though we aren't a warm body to keep you company, we are still here for you :)

I hope today is a brighter day.

Don't forget to take care of the rest of you, not just this disease. IBD or not, working like that gets everyone tired. Go pamper yourself the best way you can...

I feel for you!

Although my UC is in remission, I'm still dealing with IBS, narcolepsy (especially), endometriosis, and allergies. When you add all that to my shy, introverted personality and daily life (work, errands, etc.), I don't have time or energy for a social life. And when I do hang out with people my age, I feel like I've missed out so much on "life" (e.g., never been on a date, don't have close friends in my current city) and that I'll never be able to catch up...and that I should just plan on being alone forever.

Every once in a while I throw myself a pity party and then move on with what I need to do. I find that exercise makes me feel better.

bookworm21 said...
I feel for you!

Although my UC is in remission, I'm still dealing with IBS, narcolepsy (especially), endometriosis, and allergies. When you add all that to my shy, introverted personality and daily life (work, errands, etc.), I don't have time or energy for a social life. And when I do hang out with people my age, I feel like I've missed out so much on "life" (e.g., never been on a date, don't have close friends in my current city) and that I'll never be able to catch up...and that I should just plan on being alone forever.

Every once in a while I throw myself a pity party and then move on with what I need to do. I find that exercise makes me feel better.

Yes UC does take a chunk of time and energy out of your life. But as I said to Thoreau there's someone just waiting/hoping to meet you. Stop waiting for him/her to find you. Start smiling at people and making small talk. If they look interesting look them in the eye and smile (you would be amazed how powerful that action is so use it wisely).

If you are shy (and I was) think about the other person not yourself. Get them to talk. Say anything as long as it's true. You will only be alone if you choose to be.
I never hung out with a group, just not my nature. I know younger people are much more group-oriented than my age group but not everyone does that.

Just be careful about strangers until you know their background. Internet is not the best place to find romance, lots of liars (from what I hear) on dating sites.

I like Thoreau's idea of classes he's interested in, good place to meet similar minded peeps.

Thoreau, hang in there. We are around the same age and I also don't have an SO. We'll find our lovely ladies one day. Or she'll find us.

I feel so sad when reading this. Hope you feel better Thorau.

Thoreau, hang in there it gets better. I know a few people who've had great luck with dating websites like match or eharmony. As, it helps you expand your network to groups of people you might not otherwise meet.

I don't mean to be a downer. But above the romanticism of having a spouse, you certainly need to put yourself first, and get uc as much in-control as you can both physically and emotionally. As we're all, to some degree, alone with the whole chronic disease business, and even those we love can only understand our chronic illness (that they don't have) from a fair distance away (even though most try). A relationship is a double-edged sword, I've been in situations where my spouse was wonderful in helping me with my uc, and I've been in situations where its been utter hell where the complete opposite is true (as those who know us the best are also the ones who can hurt us the most whether it's intentionally or unintentionally).

Amen Peety! Sometimes I think my husband is the cause of my UC! He literally irritates the crap out of me at times. Lol

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone on here who has replied. This post was an expression of the insecurities I feel when I am tired, run down physically, and emotionally down from the effects of the fatigue on my body.

I was down Saturday night when I wrote this post. I am not down right now, and haven't been very much since then. I'm taking good care of myself, making time to rest, and still putting effort into getting out there where I may meet women I'm interested in.

As you all know, nothing is predictable with this illness. I get run down sometimes to a point where I need to rest for me to gain back a positive outlook. I don't think there's a fault in this, it's just the way things work. Emotions are based on biology, and when the body is worn down to a point of needing rest to operate, it's understandable that I won't be smiling ear to ear and enthused about everything.

One of the things that I am gaining more of each day is a gratitude for myself, and the willingness to accept myself as less than perfect. I have flaws, I have ups and downs, and I sometimes realize in hindsight how I could have cared for myself much better in certain situations. But, I'm coming to a place where I expect that there will always be room for improvement, as I am an imperfect person learning from experiences. I'm at a point in my life where I deeply appreciate all the effort I've done to take care of myself, and am more than okay with the fact that I make mistakes and learn as I go. This attitude overall is in itself very restorative, and is beneficial for my health... especially in regards to UC.

Having support is crucial to us all, as we are social creatures living in a complex and sometimes challenging world. Thank you again for the replies, suggestions, and expressions of empathy. All of you are able to help me learn, grow and heal in part by just being available to listen. Thank you.