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I found a nice woman :) ***UPDATE: And I'm marrying her!!!

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Posted 12/7/2012 11:07 AM (GMT 0)
I'm glad things are going well!

Do you mind mentioning which dating site you've been using? I'm surrounded by females all the time, which doesn't really help me...
Posted 12/7/2012 12:00 PM (GMT 0)
Haha bookworm, maybe we should have traded jobs. I'm always surrounded by guys.

If the moderators have to edit this, it's fine... but I used match.com. I found the free sites to be fairly useless because the quality of matches was very low (since it's free). I did use eharmony before, and liked the idea of in-depth matching, but it didn't feel very natural. In my area there were by far more people on match, and it's much easier to just send a quick message. Plus, it's cheaper. If you use match, do a google search for a 25% off promo code... I seemed to be able to find those when I wanted to subscribe.

Thanks Cita, quincy, maxmilian, bookworm. There is a calm about this relationship, and it's nice. Her and I have been over most of our deal breakers (goals, preferences etc...), and seem to be very compatible. You never know with dating though, so I just keep an open mind and proceed with caution. I'll keep you guys updated!
Posted 12/7/2012 12:29 PM (GMT 0)
Great news. I also met my wife online.
Posted 12/7/2012 7:11 PM (GMT 0)
Really happy to hear this, Thoreau. See how long you waited to meet someone? It pays off when you do meet the right one. Hope it continues to go well.
Posted 12/7/2012 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so glad you posted this and the follow up.

I have been very happily married to my best friend, a man with UC, for over 20 years.
He has often said "I'm sorry you got a broken husband", to which I reply, "I fell in love with your heart, mind and soul, not your colon. I wouldn't trade you for anyone!"
I mean it. There are tons of jerks out there with no character and a fully healthy colon. I wouldn't want any of them!
Besides, I get migraines at least once a month, so perhaps I'm broken, too. No one has perfect health their entire life.

Hope this continues for you and you enjoy the ride. :)
Posted 12/7/2012 7:36 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck Thoreau.   It's great that you've found someone who is comfortable with you, and where your 'condition' is of no consequence.   That makes it all the more special.
Posted 12/7/2012 7:39 PM (GMT 0)
Awesome news Thoreau! I love to hear when people on this forum are able to progress with their lives, and it sounds like you're doing great. :)
Posted 12/29/2012 7:34 AM (GMT 0)
A quick update:
-Friday marked 2 months dating each other.
-Tonight after much gazing in each others' eyes we told each other we are in love.

Within the last week the depth of the bond her and I share seems to have multiplied exponentially. I had been feeling like this was happening, but something shifted and we both were drawn much deeper into each other in a loving/caring way.

Her and I went out to a party a friend of mine was having tonight. We left early, and got wrapped up in each others' gazes once we were at her place. We must have spent almost 2 hours just being close like that, in a loving rather than lustful embrace. I knew I cared for her a ton, but it was then obvious that I couldn't lie to myself... I loved her. From her actions earlier in the relationship I was really thinking she would take 5-6 months to feel this way about me. So, I was very scared to say anything. Her eyes kept telling me to say it though. I started to tell her "I don't expect you to say this back to me"... and she knew where it was going. She stopped me, and said "honestly, I love you".

I've been through enough life situations to know that I should continue to take this day by day, and focus solely on the moment. So, that's what I will do. But... I am very happy with her, and more importantly, I feel I am making her happy.
Posted 12/29/2012 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
Awwwwwwwwww! I'm so happy for you, Thoreau!
Posted 12/29/2012 5:48 PM (GMT 0)
That really is so awesome.
I am so happy for you turn

My hubby and I were engaged after 5 mo and married 5 mo later!
That was 16 years ago!

I always say when you know, YOU know!!!!

Best of luck to you guys and keep us posted yeah
Posted 12/29/2012 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
That's wonderful! It's so good to hear good news. I totally agree with IBDisthepits, I do think you know when you know. I'm so impressed with your attitude and want to thank you for it. I've posted on here about my brother who had a very serious stroke in his early twenties. After many near death experiences and a very long and painful recovery he went back to dating and met his now wife on an internet dating site too. They've been together for almost six years and married for three and have a great relationship, so I do think internet dating can lead to very successful relationships. He's my role model on how to live a good life with serious health issues and I think you have the same attitude. He's living a great life and I'm sure things will work out as well for you..
Posted 12/29/2012 7:17 PM (GMT 0)
I've never experienced a connection quite like this before. All the adjectives such as exciting, amazing, overwhelmingly good etc... fit. BUT, the word I feel that is most fitting is calm. It's just a calm contentment when I'm with her. It's a connection as natural and effortless as breathing is to me.

We'll see how things go; day by day, like I said before. None of us know what tomorrow has in store for us.

Thank you for your comments of support/happiness. I'm sharing this situation to express my joy that I am finding the things that are important to me, in spite of health challenges. I would have loved to read something like this in my late teens and early twenties, as something to give me hope.
Posted 12/29/2012 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
A new beginning and a Happy New Year to you !! :-)
Posted 3/1/2013 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
Well, I'm four months into this relationship... and am finding myself in a mix of disbelief and gratitude that someone so beautiful, fun and compatible has come into my life. I still feel the best word to describe how I feel about her is calm, in a contented way. There is no doubt about her in my mind, just a happiness and strong desire to be by her side.

There was definitely a huge amount of love within me waiting for a person like her. I'm so glad I get to share it now.

Just wanted to share! :)
Posted 3/1/2013 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
Congratulations!!

I've never tried to date while in the middle of a flare before; I actually had two relationships end right while I was in a flare, although for reasons unrelated to me being sick, and by the time I started dating again, I was in remission. I started seeing my current partner almost a year and a half ago, and my flare started a few months later. I was scared that he would get so tired of me being sick that he'd want out, but he's stayed with me and taken care of me completely selflessly.

I always thought people were exaggerating and completely in denial of reality when they would talk about how you just know when it's right, or how when it's right, it's easy. But it's almost terrifying how true it's been. It's so strange being in a relationship where we always enjoy spending time together, even when we live together and see each other every day!

This is a difficult illness, especially because many of the symptoms and treatments are quite embarrassing and TMI for the vast majority of people. Having a partner who understands how this illness works, who is patient and caring, and who doesn't treat you like your illness is disgusting has made this flare much more bearable.
Posted 3/1/2013 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
That's great Thoreau. Aren't you glad you waited for the right one and didn't settle with one of the other girls you met earlier?
Posted 3/1/2013 6:53 AM (GMT 0)

MaxMilian said...
That's great Thoreau. Aren't you glad you waited for the right one and didn't settle with one of the other girls you met earlier?

I am absolutely glad I didn't settle with any of the previous women I've dated. There is absolutely no comparison between them and my girlfriend. Time teaches us if we allow it, and I can definitely say that my past relationships have helped me be able to be both thankful and prepared for the present relationship I'm in.
Posted 3/1/2013 7:29 AM (GMT 0)
Awesome to hear the relationship is still going strong! thanks for the update.
q
Posted 3/1/2013 8:52 AM (GMT 0)
I met my husband online before online dating existed. We met in an AOL chatroom. We have been together for 14 years and married for 8. It is amazing how comfortable I am with him. When I younger and doctors would ask me about BMs I thought I would never find someone I could talk to about that. Of course with UC you learn to talk about BMs but my point is I feel so comfortable with him I can share anything. I can have just as much fun with him sitting in bed watching a movie and having a pizza as going to so fancy restaurant and a play. I love his company. He works from home and for over a month I have been home sick and we still aren't tired of each other. I am so glad you found this too. I can't even imagine dating while having UC. Congrats
Posted 3/1/2013 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
Happy to hear that your relationship is still going strong!
Keep in touch.
IAS
:-)
Posted 3/29/2014 4:14 AM (GMT 0)
Just posting this as an encouragement to those that are like I was, finding frustration in dating and wondering if they'll ever find the right person while dealing with this disease.

When I met this girl who I'm now marrying next week I was still having terrible urgency at times. I told her on our first actual evening date that I didn't want to eat dinner... (because I wanted to walk around outside with her and was worried about having an accident!).

To any of you searching for a great partner, please keep on trying if you really want it. Also, give people time. It took a month with my fiancee before I really began to see what she was like. She was so shy initially that I had to be very patient... but oh how worth it it was!

Talking here about our initial dates brings back the memories. She used to ask towards the end of our first few dates "Do we get to do this again?" or "Will I hear from you again?". I loved it when she'd ask me that! Made me feel wanted and like I might be able to make her happy.

She tells me that the first time we met in person (met on a dating site initially) that I told her that all I really want is for the woman I'm in a relationship with to be happy. She smiles when she tells me it, and says it was a good line. Lol, I don't remember it... but it is something I'd sincerely say.

Anyways, keep on trying if you haven't found the one yet. I met so many dead-ends that I wondered if there was a good fit for me. Luckily persistence has never been a weak spot for me!!

(I'm really happy about her and I if you can't tell!!!)
Posted 3/29/2014 12:45 PM (GMT 0)
"(I'm really happy about her and I if you can't tell!!!)"

good thing cuz if you even hinted at being anything else, she'd be kickin your butt !@
Posted 3/29/2014 2:14 PM (GMT 0)
Best wishes for a long and happy marriage!
This may be what you need to find peace, good health and joy!
IAS
:-)
Posted 3/29/2014 8:30 PM (GMT 0)
So heartwarming to read this! I have a big smile on my face. :-)
Posted 3/29/2014 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Nah, can't tell at all!!! LOL.

It's pretty obvious you're right for each other..... for sure a good thing.

Looking forward to hearing from you after the celebration. Hey, maybe you can set up a live cam and we all can join the festivities?????

q
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