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REALLY Need Advice On This One About My Career

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Posted 3/5/2014 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
My dad and I came to an emotional decision to look into selling our business today. The reasoning being that he is getting older and is having a harder time doing the work, and I would like a more stable lifestyle.

I am up late now though, with a million feelings inside of me. My career is so much of who I am right now that I wouldn't know where to even start to put myself together again. The allure of a job and stability sounds very good to me, but now that I look at it all I am trying to ask myself the right questions.

If my fiancee worked less and I did not work we would still live our current lifestyle fine since we are debt free with investments. My dad would still need to work some at age 60 along with my mom keeping her hours as they are, and my dad doesn't have a high skills set necessarily, at least if it involves computers or remembering a lot.

I found a neat article that suggested asking yourself three questions before a big decision:
1. Are you running to or away from something? A. Away from stress, to possibly a simple less strife-ridden life.
2. If your life flashed before your eyes would it hold your attention? A. No matter what it will, yes. But either staying or going is taking a chance.
3. What will you be doing at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday? A. We don't really know yet. He might be working some career he dislikes and feeling lost, or he may be feeling a ton of relief. I will be trying to figure out how I can fit my authentic self into a life with more stability.

The pros/cons comes down to value of the business, vs. what we would get out of it if we kept it. At a certain point coupled with cap gains taxes it doesn't look worth giving up things. At another price it looks smart to move on and let go of the amount of mental strain it takes to be in a competitive business.
Posted 3/5/2014 7:05 AM (GMT 0)
At least if you work for yourself and you are ill you don't have to answer to anyone except yourself.....
Posted 3/5/2014 7:20 AM (GMT 0)
I think giving yourself a break wouldn't be a terrible idea. You deserve one.
you've had so much go on lately.
Focus on your rental properties... get a part time job... take a class... take a nap.

You only live one life.

*hugs*
Posted 3/5/2014 9:16 AM (GMT 0)
If you can have a break financially then do so! Especially if you are flaring/not your best. Just make sure that you can get back to work after your break because unless you won the lottery you can't sit around forever (even then it gets boring).
Also if you love your career then keep it! Don't go into family business just because of family unless you're really into it as well.
At the end of the day go with makes you happy but make sure you have backups plans!
Posted 3/5/2014 12:53 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds like the business is putting you through the ringer emotionally the past year so I don't know. It also sounds like your reticent to give it up for obvious reasons.

The best thing about being in your own business in my opinion is, even though I work long hours (all available right now) I feel like if I REALLY NEED TO TAKE OFF I can leave at the drop of a hat. I don't know if I would feel like that somewhere else. I would feel pressured to stay almost like I was in school or something.

On the other hand the stress is bad and what you've described in several posts lately (simple life) sounds really nice. I think when you become used to the stress and strain of your life it becomes second nature and if you do make these changes you'll be amazed when it's gone and you thought it was just 'there' no matter what. There's a couple down the road who runs a short order grill and they do really well and I often think how much better that would be to be making hot dogs, burgers, and breakfast all the time instead of competitively quoting, designing things that are a heavy mental strain etc. I mean, dealing with a customer whose hamburger is wrong is a lot easier than dealing with a big company you've shipped bad parts to and they can't run their line that day all because of you.

On a little bit OT note, you mentioned before you meditated before work. I'm curious what you do.

Also, how often do you wake up in the middle of the night and your first conscious thought/action/process whatever is to think about some unresolved problem? Like before you even realize "I've been asleep and just woke up in my bed" your thinking about work or finace or whatever? I can pretty much use that as a gage that I'm really pressuring myself too much when that happens to me.
Posted 3/5/2014 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys.

I would really like to sell because I wouldn't have this strain of "what if" something happens this way or that. However, I also really do love the challenges I face to a degree. The markets we sell to have shifted in a way where the demand is more constricted, and now we are faced with uncertainty in that area. We are looking into innovation and a changed business focus, but I'm concerned about my dad's longevity putting in the hours it really takes to be successful anymore. He has it in him some days, and other days not as much.

There isn't an obvious right answer here. I can tell you that the work we do is hard work, and it is not always rewarding as far as people being thankful for what we do. But, as men both my dad and I would feel a bit like we gave up if we did sell I think... when we still have new ideas and hope.

Levi, I have a meditation timer app on my phone that I set and then close my eyes, still in bed, and try to just be. Often I do a mix of meditation and guided self-hypnosis that my therapist taught me, trying to reach my subconscious mind and put it into relaxing and healing visualizations.

I don't wake up thinking about unresolved problems hardly ever. Sometimes I will have a dream about work and some situation I didn't like, but not often. When I wake up in the morning I hurt so badly I can't think about doing anything until my pain meds kick in, and when they do I really am not worried about anything (as I feel right now).

To be honest I am a bit concerned about how I would develop myself if we did sell. I know I want to get a degree in accounting, to study economics and such as well, and to be an expert of sorts in business. But, I want to do it my way. I don't want to put myself into some mind-numbing situation working for people I do not like. I want to keep some flexibility with my schedule and be able to have at least a few weeks vacation a year. I would love to work 4 day work weeks.

The hamburger thing sounds nice, but I bet you get a bit better rewarded financially. Usually with better returns financially comes more complexity and stress.
Posted 3/5/2014 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
I've owned a business that we tried to sell but ultimately were not able to. Are your father's retirement plans tied to a sum of money from the business sale? If so then you might consider instead of selling instead bring in a "partner" who can generate income and buy the business over a number of years. Meanwhile there is income for him and you.

It is very hard to sell 99% of small businesses.

Your situation is less of a problem in my eyes than your father's but you are very linked emotionally to him and he will weigh on your plans. The gap from 60 to 65 (Medicare) is the one that worries almost everyone that age because of health and money.

I dont have answers but say this: you are not your father's keeper. Listen to him but make your own life plans. Once you have shed your current job you will see opportunities open up if you are open to them. You are fortunate that you can do this, most people cannot take the chance of quitting.

Follow your heart.
Posted 3/5/2014 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
can you not afford to hire an employee, part time, to help out as you transition your dad into retirement ?
Posted 3/5/2014 2:19 PM (GMT 0)
If you were healthy would you want to give up your business? I think everything that you have discussed in the past few weeks is a symptom of your being ill. Perhaps if you were no longer sick these questions would all be answered.

Sue
Posted 3/5/2014 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
I understand the first two questions the article suggests you ask yourself before a big decision, but what is the idea behind this one: 3. What will you be doing at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday?
Posted 3/5/2014 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
I would wait until you feel stronger before making any permanent decisions...it sounds like you have had a really rough time of it of late..so I am basically agreeing with suebear.
Posted 3/5/2014 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with suebear and Poppie. You've been struggling a lot lately, and a lot of your posts over the past year or so have revolved around struggling with fatigue, feeling depressed, and considering major life changes.

Honestly, either you really DO need to make a change because you keep thinking about wanting to make one, or you need to find someone to talk to.

As someone who's struggling a lot right now with depression, I can tell you that it makes work absolutely unenjoyable, even if it's something you used to like to do. I find it hard to motivate myself to get anything done, and one of the reasons I fantasize so much about dropping out of grad school is because my depression is bad enough that I just don't want to do anything anymore. A couple of weeks ago, my partner basically asked me how serious I was about quitting, and after thinking about it a lot, I decided to just make a decision and stick with it.

It hasn't been easy since then. Now I feel overwhelmed trying to get my life back on track. But I think you need to recognize that depression DOES make it hard to decide what to do, and one of the best ways to handle it is to give yourself a short amount of time to look into alternatives (I looked into teaching high school, for example), and decide what you're going to do. And by "short amount of time," I mean a week is as long as I'd take.

If you're this waffle-y about everything, I do not recommend going back to school. Right now, it seems like a ton of things are changing for you, and changing day to day, and school is, like, the worst thing to add to that.
Posted 3/6/2014 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Thoreau-
Seems to me that there are 2 or 3 primary issues to consider in making your decision...
1. You mention issues with your business. Will things get worse (or harder) because the "market"/demand is changing. Might be a good time to make a change simply because of future financial prospects.

2. Your aging father is having a hard time with the demands of the business. I was going to suggest (as others have) that you consider taking on a partner if that is feasible. Could take some of the pressure off both you and your dad if you really want to continue with your current business.

3. Your internal conflict. What do YOU want to do? I think you probably know what would make you happy but are reluctant to do whatever it is because you feel responsible to be the "caretaker" for both father and fiance.

My best guess is that both your father and fiance are very aware of your emotional turmoil and want you to do whatever would bring you peace of mind.

IAS :-)
Posted 3/6/2014 12:47 AM (GMT 0)
IAS:

1. This is the main reason I would like to sell. We are doing well right now but I see strong indications that marketing ourselves right now instead of the future would be extremely smart. The deal would be offered to direct competitors, which have made purchases of other companies like us recently.

2. It is better due to the above that we keep things as they are and push to sell out.

3. I want to study economics, accounting and business overall at the University, and network diligently with the business world in order to find opportunities to use my natural talents. What others find boring I find incredibly exciting. I can sit doing numbers and apply them to business and be having a blast, no lie!

I really want to have a home life where I don't think about my work in any stressed fashion. The goal is for my fiancee and I to work 4-day weeks and enjoy a fairly simple life. She has a few needs I don't have for spending money, but they aren't bad and we can afford them.

My fiancee got a 10% raise today and a bonus three times what she thought it'd be... so that lifted my spirits a bit which was nice.

My goal will be to go to school full time and get a degree, while my fiancee works. I could find a position that pays fairly well given my business experience, but I see the benefits of just getting the education first at this point. I guarantee you I would absolutely love school in a way most all young college kids could never understand until they worked so hard for so long.
Posted 3/6/2014 12:50 AM (GMT 0)

Serenity Now said...
I understand the first two questions the article suggests you ask yourself before a big decision, but what is the idea behind this one: 3. What will you be doing at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday?

It has something to do with how the romanticized ideal of your decision wears off and reality hits. 10 o'clock on a Tuesday is a random time, but I guess the author is assuming that not a lot of exciting things happen at that time!
Posted 3/6/2014 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
Thoreau-
In regard to #1 - timing is everything. If the market is right, sell.

Go to school. I earned a degree in math (with a side order of computer science) between the ages of 30 to 35 and went into high school teaching. At age 40, I left for the corporate life where I was able to retire at 57. Loved the variety of experience.

You are way ahead of where I was at your age. I have no doubts that you will be successful.

IAS :-)
Posted 3/6/2014 12:55 AM (GMT 0)

imagardener2 said...
I dont have answers but say this: you are not your father's keeper. Listen to him but make your own life plans. Once you have shed your current job you will see opportunities open up if you are open to them. You are fortunate that you can do this, most people cannot take the chance of quitting.

Follow your heart.

Ima, as usual you have sage advice. Thank you.
Posted 3/6/2014 12:57 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks again, IAS. :)
Posted 3/6/2014 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
You're welcome, Thoreau.
Some days I think of you as my "other" grandson.

IAS :-)
Posted 3/6/2014 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
Haha, IAS. Well I really appreciate your kindness and advice.

I feel like I'm meant for a lot more in the world still, and would be incredibly thankful for the opportunity to begin a new phase of my life. I keep picturing myself coming home in the evening to my wife-to-be, and being able to be fully present, not consumed with business cares. Time will tell how things play out, but keeping that as a goal is something that is important to me.
Posted 3/6/2014 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
Just fyi to you guys, I am going to get to my therapist within a couple months. I've emailed him a couple times lately and he has recommended works that I can watch/read that go along with my life situations as of late. He understands that I need to watch my money at the moment, and that I plan on coming in to see him once I'm set up on my fiancee's insurance.

He is a very good therapist in my opinion. I went to see him twice right before I met my fiancee to help deal with a relationship I had just gotten out of. I credit him with helping me see how okay I was, and encouraging me to date more if I wanted, even though it wasn't long since the previous relationship. I'm really lucky to have access to him.
Posted 3/6/2014 4:19 AM (GMT 0)
In my experience, therapy takes time (definitely more than two sessions).
Posted 3/6/2014 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
Not if you're not the one with the issues necessarily. I dated a woman that I was mystified with what happened, but he helped me see how she had personality disorders that had perplexed me but kept me hooked.
Posted 3/6/2014 1:24 PM (GMT 0)
so just curious t man - is the future mrs t involved in all of your challenges with your business happenings ? does she care ? do you include her ? what does she think you guys should do ?
Posted 3/7/2014 3:08 AM (GMT 0)
Mrs. T to be has her own career that she handles, so she doesn't necessarily deal with all my challenges. She wants me to be happy, and tells me that we will be. She encourages me and tries to make me happy when I am down.
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