Wanting kids-after diagnosis

I/we've chosen to not have children for many reasons....one of which is UC and all that goes with it. I have other issues (depression being one) and would resent having to care for kids while I'm feeling ill.

I agree many people shouldn't have kids and many desire to have them out of need...only to create a chaos situation for their children and themselves.

If you want them, have them. I don't think it's noble, however, to suffer and have kids in the face of illness. Nowadays we have choices.

If you believe you will forever regret not having kids...have them. But make sure you are well and have a med regimen in place that will get you through the process rather than going off your meds and flaring badly.

I don't regret not having kids it for even one second. Shame on you Gary for shaming others who have made that decision.

q

If we are shaming anyone, can it be Guardian? I am all about the "extremists" having their say... but WOW... I dunno.

I guess when someone asks for opinions about having children and relating it to UC issues... the extremist who doesn't believe in pretty much anyone bringing a child "into this terrible world" is kind of off topic. Eh... not to pick on ya Guardian, I just have a hard time swallowing that pill. Or any pill that is too far one way or the other.
I agree that morons are having kids. And that bad parenting is usually the culprit in "random acts of violence." But I also know that Schizophrenia occurs in perfectly raised children and when untreated can result in horrible acts happening... and it's no one's fault if it occurs suddenly and randomly. eh.. just too "grey" for me to even talk about on this forum. That's def a great conversation for a coffee shop.

As to the topic at hand, from the lovely Poopin.... all I can say is YOU know what to do.
With your personality, intelligence, and even just by posting this topic... it's obvious you would be a good and responsible mother.

I am all with NSSG about the crappy mom thing... my mom is "healthy" and was a terrible Mom. Maybe if she was sick she would have had more compassion and care in her... but instead she was a selfish, terrible person. I don't think UC is "that" big of a deal to not have children if you have a stable and loving home to raise a child in. And also would find it a "shame" that two amazing people who could have raised the next big thinker, ended up not having a child because they were worried that they might poop too much while trying to raise the little bugger.
Kids are pretty darn resilient. I have seen kids who have gone through some TERRIBLE things with good or bad parents... and they themselves turn out to be awesome. My best friend "had" to take care of his mom and triplet younger brothers while she had Breast Cancer and Dad worked... and then eventually left them due to the stress.
Disease happens. And UC sucks... but its not contagious, its not exactly deadly... there are far worse things that you CAN'T plan for that happen to CRAPPY parents... and we still manage to get some pretty good kids out of the situation.

/two cents

I do want to add that while I was a lousy, tired mother last summer when I was flaring I think it made me a better parent. Now that I can do things with my kids, I make sure to do so. I spent all day at their school yesterday helping out with their field day, and I would never have done that in the past. I try to make some special time for each of my boys every day now because life is short and they are growing up so fast.
I do think one should be feeling pretty good before getting pregnant. I am one of the lucky women for whom morning sickness was all day sickness and it lasted well into my second trimester with both kids. I am not sure I could handle that nausea with the pain if flaring. That is what's holding me back from having a third.
I agree that there are some terrible parents out there in this world, and certainly parenting is not what I thought it would be before I had children, but it is well worth the ride. Now if I could just get my 7 year old to lay off the fart jokes...

I had two kids post-diagnosis. It's been fine, but I do have my extended family around to help when I flare. Don't let your IBD take over your life. But before you get pregnant...:
1. Get into a good remission. If you aren't there yet, consider taking more drugs. Immunosuppressants, remicade, etc... all better than flaring during pregnancy.
2. Make sure your body is ready - check out your iron and vitamin levels. Everyone gets a little bit anaemic during pregnancy so start from the best place possible. Getting iron levels up during a pregnancy will take up a lot of your time.
3. Start taking pregnancy vitamins a long time in advance of trying to check you don't react to them. They gave me bad diarrhoea that led to a flare, possibly because my gut was very fragile.

Many of the horror stories you hear about IBD flaring and pregnancy relate to people who aren't yet diagnosed so aren't on drugs. I've done well whilst pregnant and breastfeeding.

I just can't imagine someone who IS flaring would go out and try to get pregnant... so maybe thats the part of the discussion that's just blurry to me.
In my head I think "of course someone is not going to be having 'lets make a baby' sex wilst running to the bathroom between every roll in the sheets. That would just seem exhausting! lol

I know during my flare I have had almost no sex. So maybe I just miss that part of the whole thing...

If someone is going to be flaring badly or having had severe flares for most a year and no real solid plan yet on how to care for their disease... they probably arent going to ask on the message boards about it... or really care how well they care for their child :/

embersglow1 said...
If we are shaming anyone, can it be Guardian? I am all about the "extremists" having their say... but WOW... I dunno.

I guess when someone asks for opinions about having children and relating it to UC issues... the extremist who doesn't believe in pretty much anyone bringing a child "into this terrible world" is kind of off topic. Eh... not to pick on ya Guardian, I just have a hard time swallowing that pill. Or any pill that is too far one way or the other.
I agree that morons are having kids. And that bad parenting is usually the culprit in "random acts of violence." But I also know that Schizophrenia occurs in perfectly raised children and when untreated can result in horrible acts happening... and it's no one's fault if it occurs suddenly and randomly. eh.. just too "grey" for me to even talk about on this forum. That's def a great conversation for a coffee shop.

As to the topic at hand, from the lovely Poopin.... all I can say is YOU know what to do.
With your personality, intelligence, and even just by posting this topic... it's obvious you would be a good and responsible mother.

I am all with NSSG about the crappy mom thing... my mom is "healthy" and was a terrible Mom. Maybe if she was sick she would have had more compassion and care in her... but instead she was a selfish, terrible person. I don't think UC is "that" big of a deal to not have children if you have a stable and loving home to raise a child in. And also would find it a "shame" that two amazing people who could have raised the next big thinker, ended up not having a child because they were worried that they might poop too much while trying to raise the little bugger.
Kids are pretty darn resilient. I have seen kids who have gone through some TERRIBLE things with good or bad parents... and they themselves turn out to be awesome. My best friend "had" to take care of his mom and triplet younger brothers while she had Breast Cancer and Dad worked... and then eventually left them due to the stress.
Disease happens. And UC sucks... but its not contagious, its not exactly deadly... there are far worse things that you CAN'T plan for that happen to CRAPPY parents... and we still manage to get some pretty good kids out of the situation.

/two cents

I agree with all that Katie says here...I also had an awful mum, mean, she wasn't physically ill, but we sometimes thought she was crazy, which is kinda worse in my view. When I was eleven she informed me and my two slightly older sisters that she had bought the apartment next door to us, and that we were all moving in there.....without her...she was going to continue to live next door with my dad!...I think social workers would have something to say about that now!

I was going to post here for so many times, but was canceling it at last moment. First of all, no offence to anybody, this is just my story. I never wanted kids even though before I got diagnosed. I was looking at pregnant woman like they are dying J Anyway, I got married, got pregnant …and got diagnosed 6 month after I had a baby. Whole colon was in flare, and we could manage to calm it down to rectum. Never was in remission since then, with mild flare. We decided to get the second child. In my case, after first trimester, I forgot what is UC, even cut on pills. My GI told me that many women get better when are pregnant. After my second baby, I thought I’m cured!!!!!! No UC, yeay….for 6 month, and here we go again. This is the story. Now, I can say from my own experience, no one will understand what is motherhood means UNTIL they get kids. Yes, it’s difficult to manage when you have flare, but you deal with it – for them! Yes, I’m very very scarred I can pass it to them, but hey, there is still a great chance NOT TO! In this case, I know what to expect, so no junky foo, everything is organic, probiotics etc.. Right now, I’m dealing with UC and C-diff together, but planning to go to the camp for few days, go with them on few trips…(not sure how to do it yet, but will figure it out). That’s what I mean, they motivate you. Otherwise, I would be laying in the bed and pity myself (which I do with great support of my hubby at night) In conclusion, UC should not stop you from having kids, but make sure you have a great support from your man and relatives. Support and understanding. Good luck to you. And healthy colon to all of us!