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The Park and Poop

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 9/14/2014 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
How do you perform yours? If you have never done this you are lucky.

Tinted windows helps. Traveling alone is another big plus. Any plastic bag and paper towel/TP works. Can pull over just about anywhere, keeping my legs over in drivers floorboard I can swing the rear over to passenger seat. One cheek on passenger seat and other strategically placed over bag in passenger floorboard.... plop... wipe.. bag out door, window down, quickly aired out and rollin.

Can be performed just about anywhere without anyone seeing anything. Took me awhile to figure this one out but turned out to be super easy.
Posted 9/14/2014 12:03 AM (GMT 0)
ya, that would work - just need to make sure I have my chiropractor on speed dial -
Posted 9/14/2014 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
God BLess... you must be limber...
Posted 9/14/2014 1:15 AM (GMT 0)
i never had that happen, but after going through the uc pain ( i am a very shy person or used to be anyway) i had that mentality that if i had to do it, i will do it any where with zero worries.

i never knew that such pain could change people, ha.. changed my whole perspective on the world and old people

Shameless.
Posted 9/14/2014 1:16 AM (GMT 0)
I don't think you guys get the picture, because there is really nothing to it, lol.

The Park and Poop significantly decreases the amount of stress with 1. Finding a bathroom and 2. When bathroom is found will I walk in and someone be in it and I go on myself while waiting...

Post Edited (Dr-A) : 9/13/2014 7:19:38 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/14/2014 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
I don't live in a place where you could pull that off. Way too many people around. My worst situations have included rushing into raunchy gas station bathrooms.
Posted 9/14/2014 1:23 AM (GMT 0)
That poor soul who finds the treasure inside the bag you just tossed out the window.......haha
Posted 9/14/2014 1:32 AM (GMT 0)

notsosicklygirl said...
I don't live in a place where you could pull that off. Way too many people around. My worst situations have included rushing into raunchy gas station bathrooms.

No, no. That's the beauty of it. You can pull it off anywhere if you can just get your car parked. Nothing shows. You are literally sitting in the other seat just facing steering wheel.... well half arse sitting anyway. I have went all these years and just figured this out last month.

Don't really toss anything unless you are on interstate. Then you just crack the door beside you and sit it out. You could also just place down several sheets of paper towels in replace of a grocery bag and do the same. Most parking lots, restaurants, shopping centers have garbage cans that you can politely drop in.
Posted 9/14/2014 1:43 AM (GMT 0)
i've never pooped in the car but that seems so complicated!! when i'm flaring, i wear Depends anyway just to give me some security if i have to go while i'm out.
Posted 9/14/2014 2:06 AM (GMT 0)

Cavalier9 said...
That poor soul who finds the treasure inside the bag you just tossed out the window.......haha

haha, you can always use biohazard bags tongue
Posted 9/14/2014 2:33 AM (GMT 0)

bananagirl said...
i've never pooped in the car but that seems so complicated!! when i'm flaring, i wear Depends anyway just to give me some security if i have to go while i'm out.

Complicated, lol... I can Park and Poop in under 3 minutes. LOL I am done with this thread. Only way I can deal with this crap is to make fun of it. Can't tell this stuff to anyone else.
Posted 9/14/2014 7:21 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry you had to go through this Dr-A.

How are you going with the nicotine patches.
Posted 9/14/2014 11:09 AM (GMT 0)
i'm assuming you must drive a truck/car with a bench seat - if you can perform this feat in a vehicle equipped with bucket seats/console with GEAR SHIFT, you're BATMAN !

Post Edited (soystud) : 9/14/2014 7:07:02 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/14/2014 12:03 PM (GMT 0)
Well now that you brought it up.
I have perfected the technique of drive and poop, of course you want to be by yourself.
Seat belt off, pants down, double thick newspaper under butt,seat belt on, adjust paper to make sure
you can't miss, cover yourself with old jacket or newspaper. Use your left foot to keep yourself raised off the seat,keep quality double thick napkins handy.
Make sure to put the seat belt back on,other wise you might get stopped for a violation.
Wipe with right hand,drive with left,carefully remove paper,repeat process in reverse order.

Many times it is either this or crap your pants, and crapping your pants is a real mess.
Of course if you have so much D and blood you overload the newspaper you might have to do a
quick change out to a fresh paper,kind of tricky.
Quick Tip: Keep your eyes on the road.

OM
Posted 9/14/2014 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
Only someone with UC (myself) can sit and have his morning coffee and freshly made breakfast while reading through a thread about others who "park and poop" in their own car. lol
Posted 9/14/2014 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
Drive and poop....ha. Imagine getting pulled over while doing that....is that worse then texting while driving?
Posted 9/14/2014 3:55 PM (GMT 0)
Actually I have a side story,years ago.
Was in the middle of pooping at a stop sign,somone hit me in the rear,so we had to get out,police came.
You never saw anyone move so fast,I had a Chinese fire drill in the car.
Then I had to hold the rest for about 15 minutes,while we exchanged info and talked to the cop.
Not fun.

Side note: One of my favorite movie scenes,from American Pie.
Stifler puts a laxative into Finche's mochachino,Finch runs around desperate to find a bathroom,
while trying to hold it in. The pressure then builds while he puts down toilet paper on the seat,
then comes the big D explosion.
I die laughing every time I watch it.
OM
Posted 9/14/2014 6:23 PM (GMT 0)
OM-That is hilarious. I need to learn better poop driving techniques or get a bigger car.
Posted 9/15/2014 12:34 AM (GMT 0)

soystud said...
i'm assuming you must drive a truck/car with a bench seat - if you can perform this feat in a vehicle equipped with bucket seats/console with GEAR SHIFT, you're BATMAN !

Do I really need to make a youtube video of this to show how simple it is? lol Yes I have a gear shift, console, and bucket seats. 2006 Nissan Altima 4 door. I just slide passenger seat back. It's something you really need to think about before you get the urge, lol. I have TP and plenty of bags under seat if needed. Too many trips into a gas station or business to find out they have a key to the bathroom, then you have to wait for an employee to come and let you in. Forget it, I'll P&P with no stress.

The Drive and Poop is alot more tricky and easier to leave yourself exposed. I did that one before figuring out this one. I have to be out the door at 5 am again so I'll probably enjoy a few P&P's on the way.

Post Edited (Dr-A) : 9/14/2014 6:39:57 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 9/15/2014 4:31 AM (GMT 0)
Haha! I have never tried this. It seems complicated. However tonight I had the reverse happen. I thought I was gonna poo myself, turns out I peed myself instead. So that was a trip. I do think it's funny how immune we are to poop talk lol
Posted 9/15/2014 10:58 AM (GMT 0)
Now I have a good reason to get tinted windows.
Posted 9/16/2014 10:47 AM (GMT 0)
Lately I have been thinking about how to pull this trick off while in the car, so this thread came at the perfect time. This is definitely a much better alternative then trying to find a restroom when you may only have seconds to spare. My only concern is what to do when there are passengers in the car; I rarely drive alone. I'm sure I could clear out the car quickly, but would have a hard time getting everyone back in after I was done. It's crazy that we have to worry about this sort of thing! If only we could be normal!
Posted 9/16/2014 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
I think a mini-van might be a better choice for those needing to poop in the car or maybe a full-size pick up with bench seating...

Also, throwing your waste out the window is just wrong. Think of the volunteers who spend their weekends cleaning up the roadside and finding your bag - that's like all those pee bottles people fill and toss along the road. Gross!
Posted 9/16/2014 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
those "volunteers" around my neck of the woods are on vacation from incarceration - as far as i'm concerned .............. well, you know what I'm getting at ;-)
Posted 9/16/2014 8:44 PM (GMT 0)

Adventureuc said...
I think a mini-van might be a better choice for those needing to poop in the car or maybe a full-size pick up with bench seating...

Also, throwing your waste out the window is just wrong. Think of the volunteers who spend their weekends cleaning up the roadside and finding your bag - that's like all those pee bottles people fill and toss along the road. Gross!

At this point in my life I really don't care what people think is wrong. Use paper towels. Get gallon zip lock baggies and put it in there till you find a trash can. Like posted earlier, trash cans available at just about any parking lot or drive throughs. Lots of options, just giving people a way not to embarrass their self in public. We have a mini van, yes that would be a no brainer. Car is just as private. You don't have to purchase another vehicle. Just work with what you have which is other purpose of this thread. I always thought if I had something bigger I could get away with this, and turns out my car was just as easy with a little more thinking.
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