The emotional side of this disease

If it was my kid i would try a couple of things;

Find other kids that have one snd have them come over and hang out and talk to him. Ask surgeon to help cordinate.

Get a therApist to come over.

Good luck

Thanks for the replies. He has totally withdrawn from friends. He is embarrassed by the bag and does not want to be seen. He ask no questions when we see his GI or his surgeon. We know he needs a therapy but he has not agreed. Suggested he read these types of forums and he will not. Again, I really appreciate the responses.

I would continue to try to connect with him in activities he enjoys. Watch a movie, video games, music. Maybe let him know you understand his feelings and hopefully he will gradually open up more. Maybe if you talk to a doctor or counselor, they could offer you some suggestions.

After he is 18 you cant do anything, so if you want him to see someone you have to do it now. Good luck. Maybe show him other kids worse off, have you seen Fault In Our Stars?

Pet idea is a good one.

Was his surgery done at a pediatric facility? If so, they would have great resources to help you help him. It would be awesome if he could meet another teen that has an ostomy. Teenagers are so self conscious just at baseline so this probably makes it 100x worse.

sorry to here about your son it must be really hard for him. Not easy at any age.

At 17 I don't think you can be told what to do even when completely healthy as it is a difficult age because most think they have all the answers to everything anyway.

I think the best you can do is to give him choices and try to lead him don the right path letting him think that's its his idea. Small steps, Encouragement and support as I am sure you already are.

Maybe perhaps look at some success stories on the internet there are a lot of very influence stories out there.

Good luck to both of you.

So is he basically mad that you allowed the surgery? Maybe he doesn't care about dying at this point. I know depression can be very hard. When is his take down? Hopefully things lighten up when he has the J-Pouch.

When a friend said, "all depression is situational", it gave my daughter permission to acknowledge that depressssion wasn't her fault. The situation begged for it. She too lost activities, friends school...Serotonin has gut /brain pathways, and when the gut isn't functioning, the brain can get short changed with the chemicals it naturally produces. I am glad you are not ignoring it. He would benefit from an SSRI, even if it is just thru the surgery year. Find a therapist and make an appointment, even if you go alone the first time. Try and try again,don't let him too too deep inside himself.

As someone who suffered with debilitating depression, I find the responses in this thread a little disappointing. It seems that society still has much ground to make when it comes to the realm of mental illness. One has to wonder if our misunderstandings of youth are why school shootings are becoming predominant.

It's not a joke for a person as young as he is to live with a bag. How would he go about explaining this to his friends? Would they be able to understand the gravity of his situation? I was diagnosed at 16, but I still had some semblance of a childhood and did not struggle much through high school. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have surgery, much less a bag at that age. During those misguided years, I wanted to be normal and I wanted to fit in... I was very fortunate to be in good health.

I'll begin with this one:

After he is 18 you cant do anything, so if you want him to see someone you have to do it now. Good luck. Maybe show him other kids worse off, have you seen Fault In Our Stars?

This invalidates his circumstances and makes his struggles look meaningless. He is a hero... plain and simple. He went through something at a young age that nearly killed him and now he's alive. I would say he's a fallen (or invisible) hero.

The first step is always compassion. There is no other way for healing to take place. You might want to acknowledge his misery and what he's going through first, and then find some sort of plan to help him make progress. Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh has some interesting lectures about this on youtube if you are interested.

There are things like toastmasters, volunteering opportunities and so fourth. Getting a pet is a great idea, as it will give him something to look forward to everyday. Finding a mentor for him would be nice as well. But you don't want to force anything. You have to invite him to do all of those things - to give him space.

There are other things I want to say but it's a very complex and sensitive situation.

Animal shelter-I want to add: make sure it's a "no kill" shelter. He does not need any more downers in his life. One of the most needed shelter volunteer jobs is walking them and interacting with the animals. He could probably qualify for a "therapy dog" but I'm sure he does not want to stand out in a crowd doing that right now.

As far as I know, pouchitis is similar to a UC flare up but it's treatable with antibiotics. Some people have it more often than others. In reality, there may come a time he will be thankful that he had the diseased colon removed. Living with UC is a struggle. flare ups are unpredictable and it's very difficult to make plans because you don't know whether your health will be good. I have missed out on so many trips and events because of UC. I know it's awful and being a young man with a bag has got to be difficult, but in retrospect, it is temporary. I am sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine having to make a decision like that for another person.