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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 5/13/2015 1:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Everyone,
I've been going through a really hard time lately, I was wondering if anyone could relate. I've been sick for a really long time, lost my job (unable to work for 2 years now), all of my friends except 2 or 3, my girlfriend, my social life. I never leave the house because of fear of finding a bathroom. I used to do body building, and worked very hard for what I had (I was never huge and beefy, just very toned and athletic).

Lately I've been having severe thoughts of suicide and depression. I've been depressed for years, but never this low. My girlfriend recently broke up with me 1.5 months ago, and I'm ok with being without her as we weren't a perfect match anyways (she wasn't wifey material, but was great company for me since I have no one), but I think her leaving is what triggered all of this. It just showed me that because of my illness, I can't keep others happy, and there is SO much I'm missing out on. She left because all we could ever do was watch movies at my house. We never once went on a real date. I never met her family, her friends, no one. She knew this going into the relationship, we only dated about 4 months but I guess she just assumed I would get better soon.

How am I suppose to live a life if I can't do the things I want? I feel so low. I've been getting help from a councillor, but he just says to go out and meet people. Which is EXACTLY why I'm in this place and am so depressed. I've had to call the suicide hotline a few times as well.

I recently got a bacterial infection and have been put on antibiotics (Minocin), could this be making things worse?
Posted 5/13/2015 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
I was also diagnosed around the same time as you, and also have pancolitis. I know how you're feeling as this disease can really make us down at times. What medications are you currently on? I see you have tried many without much success but are you on something else right now? Diet changes? You just have to find the right combination of meds/diet/supps to help you start the road to remission. I know it's hard but I just want to tell you that it WILL get better, just don't lose hope. I know for me even if I can get out and do a little exercise it does help my mind, and body of course.
Posted 5/13/2015 2:05 PM (GMT 0)
Right now I'm on a study drug that is similar to Entyvio, I've been on it for about 6 months. It is working, but slowly. 4 months ago I would go to the bathroom 18+ times a day, pure liquid with blood and extreme urgency. Now it's about 10 times a day with no blood and it's semi formed. I've also put on about 15 pounds and can go to the gym 4x a week. My diet is very strict, just chicken, cashew butter, fish, homemade muffins with high quality flour (it's a kind that doesn't even effect people with celiac disease), and I recently added in white rice and gluten free pasta.
Posted 5/13/2015 2:55 PM (GMT 0)
Depression and ulcerative colitis go hand-and-hand. There are a number of people on anti-depressants and who see someone (a therapist, counselor, psychologist) to assist. It's tough living/dealing/coping with a chronic illness, especially when its flaring. Getting your uc under control can greatly help, go outside with confidence again, it's just generally easier to be happy when your uc is doing well. Either get uc under control through medications, or surgery if all else fails. Surgery has improved the lives of many.
Posted 5/13/2015 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
Take some magnesium citrate!
Posted 5/13/2015 8:02 PM (GMT 0)
Your looking at the glass half-empty change your comparative happiness.

I had a paralyzing stroke was in ICU and let me tell you that message board is full of unhappy people for good reason. Many have to learn to walk and talk again.

I have PAN-UC. I have been 30 lbs heavier when lifting but had to stop because due to prednisone I ruptured my Bicep tendon which was surgically repaired. I just moved a 4,000 sq foot home with the repaired arm and my opposite foot has plantar fasciatis and I was extremely anemic and my left hand has bone-on-bone at basal thumb joint, dislocated finger on right hand moving yesterday. Crown fell off and dentist discovered I need root canal as he was spooning tooth out with no end. Buyer is demanding I steam clean entire home before closing even though they intend to put in hardwoods.

But it could be worse. It could be a lot worse. Most of my parts work and most will get better off prednisone.

Yes my ex-wife was beautiful and left because 'your not taking care of yourself' which was her understanding of UC.

You have to look at what you do have and work to get better physically. If you go the pred route I say fine but dont run ( plantar fasciatis ) and dont lift ( bicep tendon rupture ) just heal your gut and be patient then taper off.
Posted 5/13/2015 8:23 PM (GMT 0)
Please talk to a doctor who can help. Maybe your GI or primary care doc can refer you to a specialist for depression. The meds might even help your UC so maybe a bonus for you.

We are here to listen and reply but you need face-to-face help not internet help.
Posted 5/13/2015 9:26 PM (GMT 0)
I think that although your girlfriend has left, and that is sad, that in a strange way it may turn out to be a good thing for you in the long run, because you are now going to have to do something about your situation, or you may sink even further into depression.

Perhaps you could invite a good friend round? or a family member, and you could sit down together with pen and paper, and write down all the good stuff in your life, and then the bad stuff, with plans and ideas on how to improve things, because nothing good will happen to you if you stay at home and bemoan your fate, you're young, and so you are going to have to start getting out and meeting people, even with the difficulties that you have, you can still start to carve a new life out there for yourself, if you want it badly enough.

I also happen to think that the antibiotics may have caused you to feel even worse, as they can sometimes make people feel dispirited and desolate. I sincerely hope that you can see something in these replies that will help you.
Posted 5/13/2015 9:49 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with some previous posters that UC and depression are best buds. However, if you were in remission, I think you'd be in a much healthier mental state...obviously. That is the key...obviously.

You need to find a GI who is an expert and who can get you healthy. This isn't what anyone would wish for, but maybe surgery is the answer. It seems that you have tried many medications and treatments. There are plenty of people who have had surgery and who go on to live full, active, happy lives.

If you're healthy, everything else will work itself out.
Posted 5/13/2015 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
And yes, antibiotics make you worse. I believe that antibiotics put me into a hell spiral last year. Took my mini flare and made it huge.
Posted 5/13/2015 10:06 PM (GMT 0)
I hear you pain. Hopefully you continue to improve. Hopefully you get into remission (or much better management). I think the depression will resolve if you can begin to rebuild you life.

I hope that the possibility of an improved state in another month or two will keep you hopeful. But if you continue to feel strong thoughts of suicide, you must call a hotline (or seek real-world help) ASAP. This is not an issue to trifle with. This board can lend support, but we cannot really intervene. This is why there are some limits set by admin on suicide discussion.

How much longer does the trial last? Do you get to continue the drug open-label? Or, once the trial is over, can you GI prescribe other meds and/or a Pred taper?
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