Weight Mentality

I think you will find that many of us are body conscious on this forum. This has been a recent issue for myself. I've always been skinny/thin. I'm 5'6 and my "normal" weight is 130#, give or take 5 lbs. I've been on prednisone many times over the last 2 years and my weight has fluctuated between 140-160's. Not only is my weight up (170), I'm now carrying a fair amount in my tummy which used to be flat. I know that in time, I will lose it but as I've gotten older and less active because of recent health issues, it's becoming more difficult to lose. I definitely grieve the loss of my old body...not just being thinner but looking healthy and in shape. To answer your question, yes, you are normal. I would encourage you to speak to a dietician or nutritionist or even a counselor. Do you think having been heavier in high school effects your current thinking? I'm a little concerned that you feel guilty when you eat.

You mention thinking about your appearance at 100 lbs and knowing it wasn't healthy but probably liking how you looked. I experienced that as well after going through a divorce. I lost a lot of weight and was too thin but some days I think about how I looked and miss being that skinny even though I know intellectually that it's not healthy. Even my coworkers noticed, asking me if I was ill or calling me a bag of bones (I work in healthcare and we talk this way, haha). Anyway, it's good that you reached out on the forum and I'm sure others will share their thoughts. I think an important goal for all of us is to be able to enjoy food. It's meant to be pleasurable and yet we often miss out on that because of our disease.

I dropped from a somewhat unhealthy 225 to "right where I should be " 180, and so far I seem to be maintaining that weight.

That was one part that actually worked out all right, but the challenge is maintaining that.

Having a chronic illness can dramatically change what our new normal weight is, regardless of how we think our weight "should be". I'd just try and let your preconceived notion of your ideal weight just go away, forget about it, and lighten up a little about it .

As the reality is we're now prone to dramatic weight loss (loosing 20 pounds during a bad flare is common) when we flare, and weight gain due to prednisone. Of course it's good to try and make healthy diet and exercise choices for our best health. However uc is going to make for wild, unavoidable fluctuations in our weight making stability a challenge or maybe just outright impossible.

I met a nice lady who had crohn's for 30+ years at one of my remicade infusions. She said that she has two wardrobe closets, one for flares and one for remission. She was tired of rebuying and getting rid of clothes for these cycles over the decades. It's just our reality, you accept and prepare accordingly. And maybe become a little less vain in the process, I know I have...

I get it though as I spent the first 6 months of 2016 loosing 8 pounds of weight with careful diet choices and exercise. Then.... I flared this summer and regained it all easily within a few weeks due to wonderful prednisone. Ugh... Try, try again once I'm tapered off...

My photos over the years are a mix of very thin John and "a bit more of me to love" John's w/pred cheeks. A good way to recall when I was feeling well and then not... I accept it for what it is.

Let other normies fret over their ideal weight, I have uc and my bigger concern and primary concern is staying healthy and keeping my remission for as long as I possibly can. Having uc means giving up vanity, pickyness of what toilet is suitable (anywhere except my pants lol), and other things. The longer you play the uc game, the easier it is to accept and cope.

I have a story almost exactly like andrina.

I am about 5'2 and before uc the most I ever weighed was 95 pounds, I was always told I need to eat and I was way too skinny. But I did eat! All the time! And even though I wanted to gain weight I never could.

Post uc, during a very bad flare up I was down to 74 pounds. I was literally skin and bones. With the help of the first round of steriods I got up to 105 and was very happy there. I maintained that weight,give or take a few pounds, until yet another round of steriods. Where i gained a whopping 40 pounds and felt horrible about myself.

To make things worse all that weight gain was for nothing because the second round of steriods started out working but eventually did nothing for my flare. On top of that my sister got married December 2015 and I was at my biggest and felt like I ruined the pictures because I was so swollen. Now there are those stupid pictures all over at my family's house, ugh.

Anyways, right now I am about 120 and I don't like the way I look, I still feel overweight. And I don't know if it's because I'm used to seeing myself as a super skinny little bitty thing. I feel bad about eating sometimes like you, because I know by eating how I'm eating it's not going to help my weight.

And then there are times when I do watch what I'm eating and I get frustrated that I even have to do this because I never had to do it before. And I want to eat and enjoy things like cake, ice cream, chips, without being self conscious. So frustrating.

But that's just me throwing myself a pity party. I should be thankful I am feeling good and hopefully achieving remission. But it's so hard not to think about the past and how we used to look and what we used to do!