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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 9/6/2007 10:24 PM (GMT 0)
I firmly believe that humor can cure all that ails man (and woman). After all, the human intestinal system is a creation of God and so is having a sense of humor.

If you want to, tell us a story about yourself where UC got the best of you and created an exceptionally embarrassing situation for you that later on you had to laugh at yourself. If you're in the mood, let's hear a little potty talk from you. You know, stories about how you walked around a large group of people with a long strip of TP hanging out the back of your pants after visiting the restroom and you didn't know it was there -- but everybody else saw it.

I'll tell you one of my experiences:

One very cold and wintry day, I was at a conference reception party one night while on a business trip to Washington, DC. The room we were all in (about 50-75 people) was fairly small but had a balcony that over looked the grounds below (we were on the 3rd floor).

As we were all standing around and talking and sipping our drinks, I got this sudden urge to pass gas. So as not to embarrass myself I would excuse myself from the group I was talking to and would walk over to where the bar was and order another drink or freshen the one I had while in the process I would be relieving myself of major gas and hoping no one could hear it as I was walking around. Well, needless to say I had to do this several times throughout the evening and after awhile I guess people began to notice the smell and you could see them all kind of suspiciously looking at each other wondering if it was the person next to them that had "cut the cheese."

Well, one thing lead to another and I ended up having to spend some time in the men's room as well, practically destroying the room with the horrible stench of what had been in my bowels moments before. That smell must have emanated through the ventilation system from the bathroom because it smelled just as bad in the reception room as it did in the bathroom

After awhile and hearing people making little comments about whether or not the toilets had backed up or not, someone suggested they open the doors of the balcony and let some fresh air in. I was amazed by how many people rushed to the balcony (even though it was freezing cold outside) to get some fresh air. Nobody knew I was the culprit but just to be sure I left not to long after that.

Later on, the next day, I overheard some people talking about it and how the odor had ruined their appetite for the dinner that followed the reception. To this day I'll never know for sure, but out of the 50-75 people who were at the reception, only 25-50 people showed up for the dinner.
Posted 9/7/2007 2:22 AM (GMT 0)
Posts like this come along once in a while. The one story that comes to mind happened the first summer after being diagnosed with this dreaded disease. That was in 2001. My wife and I went to Home Depot. As we were walking into the front door suddenly I had the urge to go. I’ve been to this store many times and new exactly where the washrooms were. Of course they were in the furthest corner of the store and it is a huge building. I quickly made my way to the men’s room and my wife waited outside the door. I rushed inside and as I pulled my pants down suddenly a huge explosion came out my rear and splattered everywhere but inside the toilet. It was all over my pants, underwear, the floor and the outside of the toilet.

I spent a lot of time cleaning the mess up. So much time my wife yelled in asking if I was OK. I yelled back saying I had an accident and I would be out soon. When I was finished cleaning up, the entire back of my pants were soaking wet. I came out of the washroom and asked my wife to walk behind me to hide my wet pants. We walked straight to the exit and to the car. We never did get what we came for. We drove home and I took a shower and changed clothes. It was so embarrassing at the time but now I can look back and laugh at it.
Posted 9/7/2007 12:46 PM (GMT 0)
Well, when I was in college, every dang time I ate at their "fancy" campus restaurant, I got sick immediately.

I do believe it was the salad, because we would start with salad and I would fill up with gas and misery and then wham I'd have horrible diarrhea.

Well, it was probably the last time I went, I eventually got to where I would not set foot in the place.  I had went with my roomate and her boyfriend.  Here came the misery and the gas pressure and we were walking to our mailboxes near the restaurant.  Well, I tried to hold it back and RIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.  I mean it was a huge blow of gas, like some tanker.

I just kept walking and tried not to let on.  Then, a few minutes later my friends were around the corner and I heard my roomate ask her boyfriend, did you fart?

Then, there was the day I was at work and thought I could slip off along the back corner and no one would be there.  Here I went, toot, rippp, pow, pow and there was a patron looking at me.

Posted 9/15/2007 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
LOL!! i luv it! poop stories are the best and i have a lot of them. i can't believe you guys can actually fart. i dont dare let one rip unless im over a toilet. there is always something wet that follows a fart and i aint gonna take that gamble and risk losing. no way jose!

oh jeez... where to start and which on to tell...

i guess you can say that i have lost all modesty when it comes to gas and crapping in public. i dont wait in lines either. when i gotta go, get outta my way. i was at a mall on a saturday afternoon and guess what? yes, i had to go to the toilet. everywhere i go, its the first thing i scope out. where is the bathroom? for awhile there i had some toilet paper in my pocket everywhere i went just in case i was somewhere that was, omg, out of toilet paper. which you all know is a nightmare in itself. well, there was of course a huge line for the toilets and i was in the back doing my little dance making little moaning noises. since this flare up, i can say that my a@@hole muscles dont work like normal peoples. i pushed my way to the front of the line and took the next stall that opened. of course there were protests from the line, but i just yelled out that they would have to deal with it. now ladies, you might understand this, but i was wearing a skirt. and in my haste to get on the pot, i forgot that fact and spent an ungodly amount of time trying to unbutton the button. i was running in little circles in the stall, panting and moaning, "oh god oh god" "im not gonna make it, oh god"... and sure enough, oops. had to throw those undies away! and then when i finally got the button undone and sat down i realized ''im wearing a skirt... i could've just lifted it up" DOH!
well, the massive explosions that followed as well as the stench shut everyone up about me cutting in line. i think a few even left before their turn.
i got a lot of stares and pointing in my direction afterward, but oh well. we have no choice when it comes time to crap, so whatever. point, talk, i dont care, just get out of my way.

__________

okay, i have a question... ladies - do you live with men that leave the toilet seat up? men - do you leave the toilet seat up? well, my man leaves it up on occasion and believe me, he will never do it again. i was in bed one night and i turned onto my side, which will always send me to the toilet. so up i get and run to the can. i get there and lo and behold, the toilet seat is up. well, i dont know if any of you have the same problem, but when its time to go, it doesnt wait for anything. lets just say that the milli-second it took to get the toilet seat down was a milli-second too long. i felt something slimy and wet slide down my leg and splat on the floor. this was your typical UC slimy poo. the last thing you want to do at 3am is clean up crap, which i did, then i jumped in the shower and went back to bed. i sure let him have it the next day.. and he agreed to leave the toilet seat down 20 minutes later after he finished laughing his ass off.

__________

and then there was this one time.... with a barbie box...

ah, another story for another day!
Posted 9/15/2007 5:49 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for the good laughs........surely not funny at the time that's for sure. He has not had any of those stories yet....just some very close calls. Actually for about the past week or so he has been able to actually pass gas and not need to be on the toilet to do it which is a major improvement. I heard him in bed last week and went in and asked as I thought he might have been sleeping and would be in a bit of a mess. He never mentioned that fact to me.....I told him that I thought that was really a big thing and an improvement. Once he thought about it he agreed. We would be out anywhere and if he felt gas he always needed a bathroom right then and now for fear there would be something to accompany it and most times there would be.
Posted 9/15/2007 6:20 PM (GMT 0)
well this isn't a very funny story, but i have told about a million lies after eating out--i forgot it is my mom's birthday, i have my period, i need to return a library book...ANYTHING so i could leave asap and go home....any more lie suggestions...i'm ready to tell people i'm late for confession or mass, or ANYTHING that is credible...
Posted 9/15/2007 6:33 PM (GMT 0)
is there any way to avoid eating out while you're flaring so badly? My husband would eat at home, wait awhile, go to the bathroom and when he thought it was "safe" then we would go out. He would still have to make a bathroom trip but not as bad as after or during eating most times. Sometimes just the walking and moving around stirs things up even if there isn't much in there.

All our close friends and family are aware of his problem so even now that it is somewhat better if we go out to eat and he needs to use a restroom he just does. We have to wait about 10 minutes as he can't force or rush it but everyone understands.

We live in a very large retirement community and have a town square with a lot of restaurants nearby our house. Sometimes after eating out - especially when it is just the two of us we'll come home for him to use the bathroom and then go back out if there is something else to do. It is a juggling act for sure.
Posted 9/16/2007 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
wow... 10 minutes. thats making good time. i can and have disappeared for 20-40 minutes at a time while out or even at home. sometimes longer (eek). my legs fall asleep and its best to wear pants as you get that red ring around the butt from sitting there so long. no shorts or short skirts at these times. hahaha. poor husband sits on a bench and waits for me.. as do most people with us. i dont care. i have a problem and i spend most of my time in the can. its the way it is and people dont mind. all they have to do is look at my face and then they say, you take as long as you need dear. gee thanks! =)
Posted 9/16/2007 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
let's think of it this way, (at least for me, i read on the can) so we are probably more well read than most :) haha!
Posted 9/16/2007 3:54 AM (GMT 0)
These stories are hilarious!! I'm laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face!

Okay...Here's my most embarrassing story...

I'm in the hospital with a bad flare up and am told that I have to go downstairs for a barium enema test. Now, the last thing I wanted to hear was the word "enema". I had never done one before, so I had no idea what I was in for.

I get down to the testing room and in walks this gorgeous guy to administer the test. I'm blushing just looking at him. He starts by filling up this giant plastic bag with fluid. He tells me that he's going to insert it into my bottom and then put in a tube to fill up a balloon to hold it all in. I'm sweating just thinking about this! So, he inserts the fluid and puffs up the balloon, and tells me to hold it all in while he takes some X-Rays.

Well, the pressure was unbelievable! I felt the balloon slipping out, and I said, "It's slipping out!" And he said, "Hold it in!" And I yelled, "I can't, I can't!!" And that's when the balloon flew out of my bottom, along with a gallon of you-know-what! It went everywhere, and I was mortified!!

The poor guy had to clean up the room, while I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. He probably wanted to quit his job that day. When I got back to my room, I immediately called my sister, and we had a really good laugh about it!
Posted 9/16/2007 4:13 AM (GMT 0)
I just found out I have UC about a month ago, and it's been pretty rough, but reading these stories has made me feel better because I can definitely relate!!! And it's great just to know that there's people out there that know how I feel and can empathize.
Posted 9/16/2007 7:46 AM (GMT 0)
omg that is so funny (flchurchlady). my gi doctor is pretty good looking too... and you feel a bit funny knowing that he is havin a gander up your arse. and then spend quite a bit of time in his office talking about the details of poo. im over the embarrassment now-a-days as i have had this for so long i just dont care anymore. i am quite candid and detailed in my conversations and it seems everyone gets a good laugh.

and birdiem, i am right there with you. i have read so many novels on the can its amazing. each bathroom in my house has a stack of magazines and books to keep me occupied while im occupied. this may be bad, but i talk on the phone on the can too. chattin to my mom and she asks "what r u doing" and i answer "im on the can" and she is like gee thanks. but they are so used to it now that if im not on the can while talkin on the phone with them, they are genuinely surprised.

heehee
Posted 9/16/2007 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
I've never really had any accidents out in public so I don't have any of those type of stories. But there was this one time I was in a flare and I felt ok enough to get out so I decided that I would run to K-marts really quick. I was halfway thru the store when my gut started rumbling and I knew a fart was coming. I tried my hardest to hold it back but my gut started to cramp so I found an aisle that didn't have anyone in it and let it go (the bathroom was on the other side of the store). It was one of the silent but deadly ones. No sooner did I do that did someone walk around the corner. I quickly left the aisle but realized that the smell was following me! So I'm winding my way thru the aisles trying to run from the smell but it found me at every turn! lol And boy was it a doozy - I think it smelled up half the store! Everyone was eyeing everyone up as to find out who the culprit was.
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