Tomorrow is my every-two-years c-scope. First scope with this new GI, best in town, but he scares me. He is real gruff. I saw him two years ago for a slight flare. He said never stop Asacol, but I had to because of my sorry insurance. It made him mad and I am a real coward and mad people scare me. He put down c-scop, no rush on my record and sent me off. I said I needed to get it done as soon as possible because it terrifies me. Well, THAT made him mad. He said, meanly, "Well, I can't do it tomorrow." But they did have a cancellation the next day. I told him it took 10 years to ever get up the nerve to see a doctor and another 10 years to ever have a scope and it took psychiatrists, and I need to be OUT. No amnesia, OUT. He said "OK. Stick to your guns. Tell me that every year." He called it phobic.
He did a flex-sig while I was in the hospital 2 yr ago. I told him all this. I was OUT and I understand I slept in recovery for an hour-and-a-half. For a 5 min. procedure. I guess I trust him that I will be OUT
We moved once for a year and that guy would not listen. He said "I have something that -one-half milligram and you won't remember the afternoon. I begged him to put me OUT but he said no. Well. 16mg. later, I was awake and screaming. He was screaming back "we can't give you anymore." and "Be still, it is hard to get around this corner." Every GI I have told that to since has put me OUT. So, it occurs to me, they don't WANT you screaming and especially moving.
I am so terrified, it completely overrides the fact that they are looking for cancer and if they find it, it will mean a total colectomy and permanent iliostomy. That is pretty terrified.
This disease terrifies me. GI's terrify me. Being examined terrifies me. Why THIS disease. I could have handled something else.
Please tell me I will be OUT.