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don't want to leave the house and cant get pregnant

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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 8/29/2008 7:23 PM (GMT 0)
so I hate what pred has done to me, after having acne from age 11 to 28, I finally had clear skin for a couple of years, now I have rash like zits all over my face/neck and a couple of big pimples.  I have big purple stretch marks on the side of my breasts, I look like a zebra.  there is no line between my chin and my neck.... they have become one.  My feet swell like balloons and look as ugly as sausages wrapped in twine and pulled tight.  I have put back on the 10 pounds I lost w/my last flare. Gained about 20 w/pred.

Have a party to go to tomorrow but all I can see are recent pictures, where I look like the pillsbury doughgirl.  I want to feel good about myself and hate feeling this way, I am miserable.

Also, just found out a couple of my friends are pregnant.  I can't get pregnant now b/c of all the blood pressure meds I am on for my kidneys.  I do not even know if I will ever go into remission and be able to have kids.   This is really upsetting me. 

I am so depressed.  I am going to seek therapy.  I just needed to vent and get it off my chest.

I do not want to look in a mirror or even try to look good anymore.  btw, my husband is very supportive and tells me I look good and says he knows my kidneys will go into remission.  but really what is he supposed to do? so I am glad he is supportive but it doesn't make me feel any better or any worse, I guess.

I just want to look like I did before.........

Posted 8/29/2008 7:38 PM (GMT 0)
Beth I hope you feel better soon. I think you are smart by seeking therapy. I am new here and I certainly hope I am not breaking any rules - I have read them but yet I am human. If it is of comfort to you - my husband and I quit smoking March 11, 2008 and we have put on weight from our quit. I know how you feel about the weight gain - it is depressing. Now, I have the uc along w/ the weight gain. So here's how I am trying to deal with it and focus on.............I am thankful I do not have lung cancer or copd from smoking for 36 years and I am thankful that my uc isn't life threatening. So I know I have to move forward.................yes, easier said then done this first week of my diagnosis. But I have to keep moving forward. I hope I have been of some help to you.

You are fortunate that your husband is understanding and is complimentary of you! I can tell he truly loves you and that is awesome!

Have a great weekend.

Holly
Posted 8/29/2008 8:37 PM (GMT 0)

Hang in there, Beth.  You're doing what you need to do for yourself. 

Be as kind and gentle with yourself as you would with anyone who has gone through what you have.  I'll bet they'd be pretty overwhelmed, wouldn't they?  You're the person who has endured and managed and shown so much courage through all this.  That's beauty.

     

Posted 8/29/2008 9:27 PM (GMT 0)
I hear ya, sister!

Therapy, with a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, was one of the best decisions I ever made. What we're going through is hard and people who don't have IBD just don't really get it, even if they want to. Especially when it comes to not being able to have children. I'm 41 now and my time has come and gone, and even though I've accepted my fate of being childless it took a long time to get there.

Time and patience and kindness to your self are your friends. You know what you need to do so don't hesitate!

Hugs,
Elizabeth
Posted 8/29/2008 10:23 PM (GMT 0)
Not being able to have a child - for whatever reason - is unbearably difficult. I totally understand how you feel with your friends getting pregnant. I remember looking at people and thinking how unfair it was that someone could have five children and I couldn't even have one. The only support I can offer is to tell you that you have to do your grieving before you can move forward, and when you don't have a definite answer that's really hard.

I hope you can get off the pred soon. Please don't stay home because you feel "fat." If your friends know what you're dealing with, they'll probably be far too busy wondering at your courage to think about a few extra pounds.
Posted 8/30/2008 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
I totally hear you on the pred side effects, whatever weight I lost due to my recent flare will soon be eradicated with the prednisone and my face is slowly but surely getting round and I am wickedly anxious and easily depressed from both the situation(Now the drs think I may need a total med overhaul..why do I even bother taking all these meds and supplements?) and the pred.

Don't give up on having children just yet, the pred will help you through this flare and you will feel better. Just let your body and mind heal right now and the rest will follow.
Posted 8/30/2008 3:26 AM (GMT 0)
I too could never have children and used to dislike going to any type of baby showers. Now that I'm 49, I'm pretty much over that stage, but really it's a tough one. I can tell you that I have so many incredible nieces and nephews, and they all consider me their 2nd Mom; and one they can come to when they need to talk things out. Pretty cool for me, really! I can remember someone telling me, "Really, it's not THAT hard to get pregnant!" Talk about hurt feelings! Sorry Beth for what you are experiencing, and I think talking to a therapist is a great idea. Take care my friend, and know I'm there in spirit with you.
Posted 8/31/2008 1:40 AM (GMT 0)
So sorry to hear you're feeling bad. Totally hear you about feeling gross about how you look. I had bad acne, too, went on accutane before I got married, and have enjoyed great skin until stupid prednisone. I hate even seeing pictures of myself these days with my bloated face, too. Yuck. I have been blessed with 2 beautiful children, however, getting pregnant the first time was really difficult, and I remember having such a hard time when friends of mine would get pregnant. I wasn't jealous - thrilled for them, just sad for me. Then, I got pregnant, and wouldn't you know that baby #2 was a complete and total surprise. You're still young, and have lots of good years ahead. Hang in there, and keep those baby dreams alive. There are so many options today. Glad to hear that you have a supportive husband - that makes all the difference. And as far as therapy goes, I think that's a good idea for everyone!
Posted 8/31/2008 4:43 AM (GMT 0)
Beware of mood swings! You've been doing well lately, had 2nd opinion consult, etc. and wrote HW very confidently. Try not to compare yourself to your friends who got pregnant. They don't have the same health issues to deal with. Maybe get some Acnomel skin cream for your zits + work out a reasonable diet plan for yourself; being proactive on your own behalf is much more effective over time than obsessing about differences between your accomplishments and your friends'. You don't need a nighttime-squawking baby in your life just yet. People who don't have kids can still do a lot of cool stuff. / Old Hat (nearly 30 yrs with left-sided UC ... [etc.])
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