friends

How do you deal with other people and friends?! While they can be so caring I find it can be quite overbearing. And most frustrating I find that friends sometimes think I'm not being honest with them about how I'm feeling. At the moment when I say I'm 'ok' or 'fine' I always get the same reply 'be honest...' Well what I actually mean by that is I'm feeling ok compared to how I've felt at other times. I just don't want people to think I'm making a big deal and sometimes just want to get on with it...you know?! But I just feel like people think I'm annoyed with them for asking if I'm ok, and that I'm not being honest. It gets me down as I don't want people to think like that of me, but at the same time don't know how to act.

I understand where you are coming from. I've felt like that when my hubby and I go out to eat. It's kinda disappointing that what you could eat before you got this disease you can't have anymore. I've felt like that for a while. It just takes time to actually deal with all the differences in your life, I also think your friends are dealing with it in their own way. They are trying to be there for you but I guess they are still figuring out how to be there. It just takes quite an adjustment. You will get through it, I also agree with pb4 you know what's true, your friends can't tell you how you feel only you can.

I always say, I think I'm OK...
What can anyone say to that?! I get a lot of funny reactions.
(It mostly has to do with my profession as a lobbyist, you never know what politicians are going to do to you).

Ok, gotta add to this.......

Today I went to apply for a job at a corporate place that I have worked for in the past but different location. There was this gal who remembered me from when I had worked at another location. She remembered my problems because the place I had worked previously was when I just came down with this Disease. So as I was filling out the application, she kept asking me if I was ok, and all sorts of random questions. I kept brushing it off saying that I'm fine now, I've been in remission for almost 2 years. I'm fine, no problems at all. How much really can you say to someone to make them realize that you really are fine. Just talking to her reminded me of this topic. If you think about it it's kind of hilarious. She was trying to be understanding and trying to relate to me or something like that, and all I was looking for was move on from this mind set. I think we all just want to just live our lives and not dwell on our disease, but some people don't really want to let us because they don't know how to really react around people with this problem.

ACK_
I agree with you - I am always careful how I answer the question- How are you?- at work. I am afraid that being ill will be used against me, even though my principal has been wonderful, there are others around me who are vipers.

I am a bit cynical; unfortunately it started after I turned 40.

:)) P.S. Sweetie, I hope you get the job....

I don't have any issues about talking about my colitis.

I often have the same problem. Even if people are just trying to be nice, i don't want to say, I'm still sick - or say I'm feeling just as bad as yesterday. I often say I think I'm doing alright now sure yet. Or I say I've been better - I've been worse. If friends press about it i just say don't want to talk about it right now lets focus on happier things.

Even worse are the "friends" who don't really believe I'm sick. Or the co-workers who pretended to care just to go behind my back and complain about my frequent bathroom trips, or convince my superiors i was faking it, or too sick to work.

I guess if I were in really bad shape I would have to be more open about my UC. Since it has been pretty mild while I was employed, I've never had to open up to anyone. I will tell people that my health is not the best but I never elaborate on the details. With friends and family, I feel that it is better to keep things to myself. I don't want them all worried about me. My mother is a gossip and I don't need people I haven't talked to in 10 years calling me asking if I am okay. It is to the point that I wouldn't tell my mother if I were in the hospital. Terrible, huh? I had a colonoscopy the other day and I had an IV bruise on my hand and I was hoping my mother wouldn't notice when she saw me a few days later. She didn't notice thankfully. I think it is funny that I act like this but I know she would be stressed if she knew and it would consume her life. I generally don't feel so good and I don't want to explain it to everyone all the time, better off having some fun and not having people worry about me. If I told my sister she would worry that she was going to develop UC and I don't want her getting that idea in her head.

I really hate talking about this colitis thing very often. Sometimes I don't mind with some friends but I do not want to be defined by a disease or labeled in any way. Maybe that is my issue.
Yea, I don't know what to say about work. I know our secretary knows when I am not well because I have to pass right in front of her desk to go to the ladies room across the hall. That is really embarassing! If I didn't have a job with VERY flexible hours, I would have been fired by now for sure! I keep my own hours basically and on bad days, I can work from home. That has come in really handy the past few months. I am very grateful for this. Funny how things work out sometimes. I think I would be worried if people at work started making a big deal, prying or asking much about my illness. That would make me nervous.

When I am around my friends or family - they all know what I have and to what extent - and they ask me how I am, really am I usually reply "Today is a good day" or "I've had better days". Then they usually leave it at that. Depending on the friend, they will usually not ask about more but I do have some nosy friends, close friends, that I don't mind being perfectly honest.