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Ulcerative Colitis
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Posted 10/13/2009 1:30 AM (GMT 0)
So this summer I'm supposed to be going to Germany for six weeks. I'm kind of scared. That's a long time and I've never been out of the country, even to Canada which is right next door. Stress isn't much of a trigger for me but I'm afraid that six weeks in a foreign country for the first time will be a lot to handle. Not to mention I planned on moving out that summer as well!

I would much prefer if they did a super intensive program for three weeks and no three day weekends, but what do I know? I know it will stress me out. I'm a bit OCD about things (hurt my fingers a lot even, I don't mean to) and it will make them worse, I know it. For example, a week not seeing my boyfriend and I get anxious and mess with my fingers and get almost depressed, hope that doesn't sound pathetic. I trust him with everything, but the bad past experiences with other guys make me weird sometimes, etc. Anyway this isn't really about him.

Ugh. I'm not sure if I should try to tough it out or get them to make an alternate thing at home for me. I do want to go, I'm just not really ready.

Even though it's not til May, even now when I think about it I get a bit worried. What are your thoughts? Thanks for reading.

Posted 10/13/2009 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
I'd say take your meds etc. in a stash and have fun. My UC cleared up when I spent time abroad. Mind you, I smoked full time during those visits...

What happens to your fingers, if you don't mind saying?
Posted 10/13/2009 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
What do you mean you hurt your fingers?

I would DEFINITELY go to Germany. It will be an incredible and unforgettable experience. That is just my opinion. I regret not traveling more when I was able to. Now I am kind of tied down, living with my boyfriend and I have pets.. I really can't travel and it's unfortunate.

You have to live and this is an amazing opportunity to see life somewhere else. I have traveled to a lot of places but never got to stay for 6 weeks, I also didn't have UC at the time so I probably wasn't as stressed as you are. I can completely understand your apprehension but don't let anxiety stop you from making memories.

Posted 10/13/2009 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
I just pick at them until they bleed sometimes, if they don't bleed they're pretty sore. I don't really have reasons for it... if I'm bored I tend to do it more, or if I'm anxious. If there's a piece bugging me, I keep trying to get rid of it, and when I do it's like a weight's lifted almost. I dunno, sometimes I even bust out the fingernail clippers just so it's easier. It's weird. I should probably move them lol
Posted 10/13/2009 2:12 AM (GMT 0)
the cuticles? My boyfriend has awful anxiety and he bites his nails down to nothing. It's awful. I always tell him he has to stop, people must look at his nails, or lack of, and think yikes!! Mine are pretty ugly too but not like his.
Posted 10/13/2009 2:21 AM (GMT 0)
No, the skin around my fingernails. Well, on the ends of my fingers. By the nails, the sides of my fingers with fingerprints, and on my thumbs even down into the joint creases. Also my cuticles but I don't care about those.

I just looked it up and it looks like compulsive picking or dermatillomania (same thing). Sounds exactly like me, I feel pressured to get rid of a piece and when it's gone, I feel better. And they say it's addicting, I agree with that too, sometimes I get going and it's hard to stop. I also read it can coincide with lip and cheek biting/chewing, which I also do but not nearly as often. I just wish I knew how to stop! My fingers feel wet, when the skin grows back it's super smooth (some of the lines are gone), scarred, callused. I mean it doesn't look so bad when it's back but still different. As long as it doesn't look how it does now. It's embarrassing. I've been doing this since before 6th grade.
Posted 10/13/2009 2:30 AM (GMT 0)
That doesn't sond too good EP. I watched an episode of Obsessed on A&E (I think) earlier this year about a girl who was a compulsive picker...her case was a lot more extreme, though. Maybe make an appointment with your GP and see what (s)he says. It could be that just a bit of counseling and/or an anti-anxiety med would help. You don't want it to get worse!

If you think Germany would be too much to handle, then maybe you should explore other options. Given that you have UC, maybe they will. If it'll make you too anxious, you might have trouble with your UC. But, think long and hard about it...if you think there's a chance you'll be kicking yourself for not going sometime down the road, then go!
Posted 10/13/2009 2:42 AM (GMT 0)
I talked to one of my old docs about it... well, my mom did. I think I made up some excuse and said I had something to keep me busy and she let it go. I don't really wanna go on a med, I'm finally in a great place mentally and emotionally and I don't want to risk it.

90% of the time I do this because I'm bored. So would counseling even help? Or am I just anxious and don't know it? Sometimes I can go for a few days without doing it but it's kind of hard, and even though I kind of do feel better when I don't, I end up doing it again. During the summer I did pretty good playing bass but now I don't have time. Blah.

I hope no one thinks I'm crazy!

I just can't decide about Germany. I just think it would be a lot of pressure to do that and move out in the same summer. I mean, I do want to go in the future, so does my boyfriend (he just started taking German). We both have people we wanna visit and I think it would be fun... not to mention I'd feel a lot better that way. (I know I sound like I'm obsessed with him but I just love him lol) I have enough money saved so I could go some other time. I know people would be disappointed with me. Arg.

Maybe I could talk to my professor and get his opinion? He'd probably be really biased about me going though lol But maybe he'd be understanding and give good advice. Maybe I'll do that.
Posted 10/13/2009 3:03 AM (GMT 0)
I am addicted to that kind of stuff too. I am also addicted to tweezing. The worst feeling in the world is a hair you can't pull. Okay, I exaggerate but I do hate that with a passion!!! I could use some meds for these issues but I don't think it is smart for me to get on a daily dose of any unnecessary drugs because it may make my colitis worse. Worse, it may make my acne worse!
Posted 10/13/2009 3:13 AM (GMT 0)
Well, what made me say anything was how you said you get a release from it...that's the biggest thing the girl on the show kept saying...how it just made her feel good to do the picking. So I don't know. I just don't want to see you get in a bad place with it! Maybe just make a huge effort to NOT pick over the next few weeks if you can. Choose some other activity to do when you start to pick or want to pick...are there any games on your cell phone or computer you like that are relatively quick? Try doodling in your notebook if you get the urge to do it when you're in class.

As for Germany, I think it would be a great idea to talk to your prof!
Posted 10/13/2009 3:52 AM (GMT 0)
Go to Germany. Enjoy your long weekends of travel. Talk to your GI and pack extra meds first (check Germany's regulations with customs. Even with perscriptions, in Japan, you can't bring more than one month of pills.)

As for the other stress issues, talk to a doctor. It sounds serious and it's a completely different issue than studying abroad.
Posted 10/13/2009 5:30 AM (GMT 0)
Lots of people bite their hangnails, or rip them off, that's not too bad cuz many do it...can be painful though...as far as your trip goes, it's still quite a ways away unfortunately (summer seems like forever from now to me cuz I hate SNOW AND COLD), lots could happen between now and then (and I don't mean bad things can happen), point is, cuz it's a ways away I wouldn't stress too much over it now.


:)
Posted 10/13/2009 12:16 PM (GMT 0)
I think it would be a good idea to make the trip to Germany, but you could also have a back-up plan discussed with your prof just in case your symptoms aren't under control then. That way you won't feel pressured into going. And that might make it easier for you to come to terms with, instead of worrying too much about it.
Posted 10/13/2009 1:02 PM (GMT 0)
EP, to travel or not: what a question. To see ourselves as well people with periods of sickness, or sick people with periods of wellness?
It always makes me nervous to plan things for "next summer" - I always wonder if I'll be ok then or not. You know what? I'm always fine!
A year after my son was diagnosed (pancolitis, the doc recommended we take him out of the last 2 months of school and have a tutor) he went on a work camp trip to a poor area of Central America! Was I nervous for the months leading up to it? Yes. But - he was fine.
In fact, he was the only one who never had a twinge of sour stomach or traveler's D because he was so very careful. And it was a life-changing experience for him - got him out of his "box", proved to him that he COULD do things.
Ultimately the decision is yours, but maybe that story will help you sort it out.
Posted 10/13/2009 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
My first reaction was to say "Yes, go!" If the UC was your only concern, I think you could cope with it. But reading about the anxiety aspect, well I can sure relate to that. I used to do that picking at my cuticles/fingertips too, but it sounds like you are worse than I was. I managed to stop, though I have no idea how I did it, so that's not much help to you! It took me years to figure out I had anxiety issues and I sometimes wish I had done something about it a long time ago. So if you are considering seeing someone about your anxiety, I would encourage that. I would also be reluctant to take meds for it, but I'm sure you can at least talk to someone about other ways to address it.
Posted 10/13/2009 3:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone. Fruitgirl, I've already started making an effort not to do it. I feel so encouraged that it's a real thing, I feel better about my chances of stopping now, you know? I felt so relieved when I read it's real; I didn't even know I was that worried. Of course I slipped a teeensey but when my linguistics t.a lost my exam (which is like 30% of my grade). I don't have much to distract me... The only things I've found so far are... Um... Intimate going-one with my bf, that drug no one allowed to talk about and maybe listening to music. Even playing bass, sometimes I put itdown just to pick. Mind over matter til I find more activities I spose.

As for Germany I'll shoot my prof an email and see why he thinks. He's pretty nice ad the head of the department is so awesome ad accompdating (he's my old Russian prof =) )
Posted 10/13/2009 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
Teach yourself calligraphy! That's what I do when I'm sitting in meetings (and in my "former life," classes) bored out of my skull. Then when you get married someday you can calligraphy the envelopes on your wedding invites! ;)

And yeah, realizing that you're doing it is well over half the battle!
Posted 10/13/2009 10:23 PM (GMT 0)
I'll weigh in, that I haven't been interested in traveling to other parts of the world, because I don't like not knowing what to expect and if I'll have what I need there. I give myself peace about it. We did make one golf trip to Scotland, but I knew the tour bus had a bathroom. I was feeling OK so did OK. But it's not something I push myself to do.

I think there is a medication -- and not a topical or anything like that, but a pill -- you can get sby prescription for the picking problem that apparently helps a lot. Some kind of anti-anxiety med, I think. Go figure, another med!
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