Rant-I've had it with my family

I really can't deal with my family anymore.

This morning I woke up and had to go, and my brother was in the shower. I've been feeling better than I was, but the past few days I've been worse probably because I was trying to take 3 lialda/day instead of 4, because i took rowasa last night and the sulfites bother me, and also because my period is due and always messes with my bowels. I told him I needed to get in there, and he proceeds to make me wait like 10 minutes, all the while my stomach cramping and me not knowing if I could hold it til he gets out.

When he finally gets out, I have to RUN into the bathroom, and he starts screaming and cursing at me, telling me that I'm an inconsiderate b****, that next time he was going to let me poop myself, etc. He then goes on to say that I should move out (which I've been trying to do but can't afford because of my student loans) no one likes me, and (here's the kicker) that he was going to hit me with the tv or slit my throat. All with my parents in the next room, who seemed not at all concerned about this. And yes, I did tell him he was ugly and no one likes him either, and that if I had to poop and he was keeping me out of the bathroom I was going to go on his bed...but that was after he started antagonizing me. All this was happening while I was in the bathroom btw.

Then I hear my parents talking to him, and my mom freaking agrees with him that yes, I am an inconsiderate b****. Screw the fact that I'm ill and no one in my family can even relate to it (my mom had a stomach bug recently and was in bed ALL WEEK). I'm inconsiderate because holding it in for more than a few minutes is really, really hard for me.

Then I hear them going on about how "I never do anything for the family" and "I just stay in my room all the time" along with my brother complaining "that I go everywhere and do anything I want". My brother says "I should have the basement room so she could learn to be a PART OF THE FAMILY (my parents' catch all phrase for doing exactly what they say whenever they want it done no exceptions)".

Nevermind that I'm 22, lived on my own for 4 years and am used to autonomy, and want some privacy for when my long distance boyfriend visits. Nevermind that my track record is perfect, I graduated college, am going for my Ph.D in the fall my brother, a high school drop out with a criminal record, can do anything he wants and my parents pretty much let him. Hell, my mom smokes pot with him. I'm so tired of this. Nothing I do is ever good enough for them and now I'm considered needy and self-centered because I have an illness. Yet he's allowed to threaten to kill me because of this. And that's not even going into the worst crap I've had to put up with from these people.

I really wish I could make enough money to cover rent right now, because I need to get the hell out of here. I miss living with my boyfriend so much right now, it's like I'm homesick and have nowhere to go to. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this til I move wherever I'm going to grad school...

sue-I live in north Jersey near NY and rent is really freaking expensive around here. An average for a one bedroom per month is around 900, a studio is 750 or so. I doubt a room for rent would be much cheaper...where I went to college they're about 450/month or so. Also, I'm currently working only part time and ALL of my money goes right to car insurance, student loans and my phone bill.

    Oh you poor dear.  My heart goes out to you!  Your family needs to be much more supportive.  Don't your parents understand the seriousness of your disease?  They are making it worse, by far!

     We put an addition on to our home last summer for our single daughter who is 32 and still lives at home.   When she went to college, she lived away for four years.  She had a teaching position about one mile from our home and moved back.  However, she liked living on her own and went out into her own apartment for two years.  Finances were tight and she asked to move back home which we were glad she did.  That was over five years ago.  Up until last summer, she had all her "stuff" in her bedroom.  We only had a three bedroom rancher with one bath.  I have portapots all over the house for my "problem".  Well, long story short....I asked her if she had any intentions of leaving and she said no.  Soooo, we put $40,000 into the house.  She did pay almost half though, have to give her credit.  The addition is attached to her bedroom.  A door opens into her own 17Ft by 18 ft living room.  She has her own bathroom and walk in closet.  Off her living room there is a 12 by 15 ft deck.  She is sooo happy with it.  Guess what though....she met someone in November and things look serious.  She left the teaching position because it was in a private school and going nowhere.  She substituted in the local public school, was "promised" a teaching position a few years ago which never panned out.  She worked as an account manager for a business in Philly, got laid off in November and hasn't had much luck in securing another job.  Good thing she lives at home!

fruitgirl-I checked CCFA and didn't find much except a brochure for parents of kids/teens. And I have talked to them about it, not at a formal meeting or anything but I've told them stuff. The best thing is that they think it's from eating stuff last night at a superbowl party and still don't comprehend that food only makes the symptoms less crappy even though I've said that a million times.

I feel like I'm back to where I was in high school, where the only thing keeping me sane was knowing I was going to college in the fall (and I didn't even have UC then). That was such a mentally unhealthy time in my life...I don't want to be there again.

Christine-I really don't think they do. Also, my parents can't afford an additon as neither of them work...well my mom babysits and my dad bartends, both under the table, but they're basically living off unemployment. I really wish I had someplace to go that was stable, though.

I have used the ccfa brochure that's meant for teachers of kids with IBD as a general info brochure for people - check that one out, maybe?

Sorry that you have this toxic environment to deal with. I don't think there's any remedy except for getting away from people like that! Can you get hold of some kind of portapotty to keep in your room, especially for AM needs? That would help you to avoid AM conflict with your brother, who sounds nearly out-of-control. Someone with his kind of mindset is not going to change tactics or even read a CCFA brochure. Hopefully you'll be able to get campus housing when your grad school enrollment comes up. It's definitely a hard transition time for you, made worse by the bad economy, plus the grim fact that rental housing in safe communities is either non-existent or priced for two-income residents. Best wishes for your housing situation to change for the better ASAP! / Old Hat (30 yrs with left-sided UC; presently in remission taking brandname Colazal)

Can you get a delay for paying your student loan right now? I forget what they call it -- forbearance??

I'm confused- you said you were going for your PhD in the Fall, but you don't know where you're going yet? So you haven't been accepted into any graduate program yet? Since you said you & your boyfriend would be moving in together then, why not move in together now? He's long-distance, right? Is there a reason you can't move to his area now? You're not working, really, you hate your living situation- can't you just move in with him, wherever he is? well I've been in horrible living situations, & to get out on my own, I once took a cash advance on a credit card- took years to pay off, but it was worth it. Or, look at it another way- if you're barely working, quit your job & go on an extended road trip for a month or 2. Isn't it pretty easy to get a deferment on student loans?

Eva-So far I've been accepted to one school (my safety), and I'm waiting to hear from the others. I can't move to my boyfriend's area because he also lives with his parents right now. Also, it's not just the student loans that I'm worried about, I also have to take care of meds, car insurance, phone bill, etc. I guess I could try for forbearance, but I already have a horrible credit record due to identity theft.

momof3-I went to college in middlesex county and the rent there was still out of my price range now. I am only bringing in about maybe 400 a month currently...trying to get increased hours and such. I'm working on getting more hours there but I was working 2 jobs over the holidays (while on pred too!) and I had a hard time managing that many hours. If anything I'd move to southern NY because that's where the boy is currently working, but he's living with his parents at the moment as well and his house just doesn't have room for me. I only have one set of good friends near me, and they're a couple living with the guy's mom. Who would charge rent (which wouldn't be cheap if I remember) and doesn't like me much anyway. Actually pretty much all my friends still live with their parents.

quincy-I've already done my undergrad, I'm going back for my Ph.D in September so I'd move out during the summer some point. Right now I'm basically working in the interim and trying to pay off my stupid loans. Which I took out because I didn't want to live with these people in college. Then I graduated and couldn't get a job, soooo...

I agree with the others. You need to get out of the house. Talk to as many people as possible about your situation. You might find some solution--a place to sleep and put your stuff. In the meantime, try to have as little contact with them as possible. They are abusive. No one deserves abuse.

Come home only when you need to. Try to come home after everyone is asleep and leave before they wake up. If you can, take showers outside. Study in the library. Keep extra clothing in the car to change into when you need to. Basically, only come home when you absolutely have to. BTW, I've been there only I was much younger.

Malvakian; I looked on Craigslist in New Jersey at room rentals and you are right -- very outrageous. It's almost as much to rent a room there as it is to rent an apartment here in Sacramento, CA. Could you go to the college and check to see if there are any cheaper alternatives? Maybe even a shared dorm room right now? Subdued had a good suggestion, try to be at home as little as possible until you can find an alternative.