i'm gonna be a cat lady if this keeps up

I just read a story about this lady who has ulcerative colitis and her husband divorced her after 4.5 years because something about he was tired of taking care of her or something. I don't know... but I've come to the conclusion that I'll never get married now. I was already wondering how people with ulcerative colitis deal with the whole dating/marriage thing. I feel bad dating anyone because I know there will probably be lots of days where I feel like crap and need someome to take care of me of do the dishes or just excuse me for not being the perfect peppy wife 24/7. And I don't know how people go to college with this stupid disease either. How am I supposed to stay in a dorm and use a public bathroom during flare-ups when I have to go every 10 minutes and make a bunch of noise. I'm starting to consider going to community college and living at home with my parents and my cat. I'm gonna be a cat lady forever. =\

Hi Meowmix2 :)

I hope you didn't read my post.. "Stress Issues" if you haven't DONT.. lol... Anyhow, don't give up on love, there are plenty of good guys out there... Loni found one and is very happy :) Just be patient and the right guy will come along :) But, heck.. cat's are cool... and they never make you feel bad about yourself... lol.... I used to have an awesome cat.. my roommate had a cat named Isis, so I named mine Cubis.. LOL....

Hi Meowmix.

I COMPLETELY understand how you feel. I think about this a LOT. I am 28 and was diagnosed when I was 18, and I'll answer your college question first.

I lived in a dorm for the first year of college, but found it just too difficult. I was flaring and just didn't feel comfortable being so sick around my roommates (4 of us shared a bathroom). I was lucky that I went to school only 20 minutes from home, so I moved home for the rest of school and spent my housing money to buy a car to commute. I was much happier, healthier, and really enjoyed college. I did take 5 years instead of 4, but I double majored and worked as well. It really is up to you and what makes you feel most comfortable.

As for the dating issue, I don't really have many words of comfort, except that I feel like I'm in the same boat as you are. I have never dated much, and honestly I could have written what you said about "feeling bad" about dating someone. I feel like I have to rope them in and then drop the bomb, because if they knew from the get-go what they were getting into, no one would ever give me a chance. I don't want to sentence someone to the life that I live. I hate having to depend on other people and I hate holding people back. At the same time, I am so lonely and it is so hard to be sick without a support system. Some days it is just so hard to accomplish normal tasks and how nice it would be just to have someone to cuddle with me or make me a meal becuase I don't feel well enough. At the same time, there are SO MANY times where I don't feel well enough to even function, and I'd hate to have to tell my boyfriend that I didn't feel well enough to go out/travel/talk/stay up/have sex/run errands/etc. I just hate disappointing people. I have tried hard to tell myself that I can be happy and can manage the rest of my life by myself, but it's a tricky thing. I don't want to be lonely forever. But I feel like this disease makes me a flawed person--I feel like the person I'd be with would deserve better.

You can message me if you want...I truly understand where you're coming from.

I worry about the same things except I wouldn't have a cat I doubt. There are days when I am so tired and run-down that I don't feel like I can do anything productive. It is frustrating because I don't even feel like I have the energy to go to college or similar, I can barely make it through a day of work. I try not to complain, everytime I complain, even if it is one time in a month, everyone says I am always complaining... now I just keep my mouth shut and go though the days not mentioning how I feel. It's frustrating because I am always listening to everyone else complain about their petty little problems. I never tell them I don't want to hear it yet I am the one who has a real problem and I can't say anything. It is very annoying feeling crappy all the time. You should not let this hinder your future, you will meet someone who loves you and that person will not let your illness dictate the path your relationship. I am always thankful that I didn't develop UC until my late 20s. I don't know if I would have made it through college if I were dealing with this when I was younger. Regardless, I would like to change paths and now it's very hard, it's hard to go back to school after you're used to working, it's harder because I am old and tired, and now I deal with UC as well. I do have a boyfriend who has been with me since before I developed UC. He doesn't like the situation but he doesn't seem like he is going to leave me over it. I guess you never do know. I am kind of a couch potato, prefer to stay home, don't mind if he runs to the toilet, why should my frequent movements bother him? It's mostly my problem to deal with.

Meowmix, being in a relationship doesn't mean that you have be this preppy happy woman 24/7. If and when you find the right person, then that person will be more then happy to care for you and help you with things BUT there has to be a give and take element. You can't expect someone to give all the time and you not return something - to expect that is unrealistic. You just try to do the best you can in a relationship and yes there will be times that you can not do certain things but with the right person by your side, they can make you stronger emotionally and in turn you can boost that person up as well.

I met my husband when I was 17 but I did not have Uc then, it wasn't until after being married to him for 3 years that I developed it. He cried with me when I was first diagnosed. He has been by my side thru it all and not once has he complained. BUT I am also there for him as well when he needs me. We've been married now for 20 years and we are still as happy as when we first got married.

So there is someone out there for you who can hold you up when you need it the most. And yes sometimes it's a challenge but love is unpredictable and you never know when it's going to hit you so keep that chin up ok?

80schick, that doesn't mean that we feel any less guilty for having someone with us while being diagnosed. In fact, I felt extremely guilty to have my husband deal with a dysfunctional wife. I felt broken and that he didn't deserve that. But I discovered that if you find the right person, whether you have something wrong with you or not, they are going to love you no matter what is wrong with you. It takes a strong person to be able to deal with a S/O with a chronic health condition. I have no doubt it's hard to find someone like that. However, with Uc it's not like you are going to be sick forever; there can long periods of remission and yes there may be blips along the way. But it doesn't mean that there is NO ONE out there for everyone no matter what is wrong with you.

Hey, I've been on both sides of the coin -- I had a husband when I was dx'd, and a few years after he passed away, I started dating again. I have an incredible husband now, and he's very understanding. I had a lot of other things working against me at the time...one being age! How do you start dating again at 48? Also, I have a nephew whose 26 now, and he's had two liver transplants and always having to do liver biopsies, etc and takes a mound of meds everyday to keep him in good condition. He's getting married in August and he always tells me that he thought he'd never find anyone and get married. So, there are wonderful people out there that look at the entire package; not just what illness you have, what you look like on the outside, etc. I can assure you that if the person is that way...they may not be the best choice in a partner.

i wasnt diagnosed yet when i started dating my husband, in fact i wasnt really even that bad sick at that point. The only symptom i had at that time was blood. A few months after we started dating i got sick, thought it was food poisioning, it went away.
It wasnt until 2 months after we got married that i actually got a diagnosis, first time i was in the hosptial too. And he was right there, honestly, half the time he gets on my nerves to no freaking end,but hes a good guy

Hey there - a very good friend of mine was diagnosed with Crohn's at 18. She is now 29 and has been dating the same guy for five years. Before that she had several boyfriends and was very social. She was just upfront and honest about her health issues (without going into all the detailed descriptions). She has done quite well. The biggest thing I notice is her attitude. She has always been positive and has refused to let the disease rule her life. When I was diagnosed with UC I 31 and married but she was a wonderful role model for me to look to (even though she is younger than I am). It can be done - she completed college and had a great social life. I wish you all the luck - and you know - cats can be very therapeutic!

Also, partially because of all of his health issues, my bro did lived with my parents until his late twenties and yes they had a cat.

Sorry, but I totally giggled at the "and yes they had a cat" comment, killcolitis! I agree, though, your bro is a great role model. I think it really shows that life it what you make it. Make lemonade, I say!!!!

I feel like the dog man sometimes so I can relate. UC killed my self confidence when it comes to approaching women. I used to be a pretty outgoing guy before this disease but slowly it just wore me down. Id be interested in knowing if there are any guys here that found their other half after being diagnosed with UC? I feel its generally easier for women when it comes to dating.

Doz, just have your dog with you where ever you go....girls like me can't resist guys with dogs!