How do I politely Tell an Inlaw to F-off?

So, ya'll know from my whining that I'm miserable right now. My family and in laws have recently become aware of my disease and know I'm in bad shape at the moment. They've all been great except, I've gotten a couple of e-mails from my husband's aunt (a person I hardly know, met her twice in 12 years) about The Maker's Diet and how if I just cut out dairy and gluten I will be cured. She's sent two messages to me so far and I haven't responded because I am trying to figure out a nice way to tell her shove off. I appreciate that she's trying to help but getting messages about how to "cure" myself with diet and her suggestions that it will just take will power are making me angry. Suggestions?

Beautiful note, Suebear!!
And I'd include a link to some brochure from the ccfa.......

My first thought was "Why should you be polite?" Ha! :)

I like Sue's response, though. It's polite, but to the point. If she persits, I'd probably say something like "After you go to medical school and complete a residency in in gastroenterology, I'll listen to your suggestions regarding my UC. Until then, I'll follow my gastroentrologist's advice. Cheers!"

I really feel your pain. I think there is at least 1 person in the family who thinks they know the cure, mine is my Mother-In-Law. She doesn't understand why I just don't go have the surgery to remove my colon and be done with it. I told her tons of times that I'm 39 and there is so many studies going on that it is possible to find a cure in my life time but once you get your colon removed there is no going back. My husband has told her repeatedly to drop it. She does for a while then starts up again. I eventually got to the point where I just agree with her then she shuts up but I do what I think is right. It is bull crap that people put you threw this and I really liked fruitgirl's response, I'll try that one next time....Thanks

Perfect responses to copy and paste... Sue's and fruitgirl's both in one email.

Does she have any health issues herself?

You could also add that she do the research about UC itself rather than just the regurgitated and desparate cures.

You could also say that if she really understood what it's like to live with UC, she would be asking you more questions rather than giving advice about something she knows nothing about.

I wish you well.....it's better things are out in the open, however.

quincy

Most of my family likes doing the same thing. I had a family gathering yesterday and kept getting asked all sorts of irritating questions from relatives, since they knew I've been at the doctor's and hospital all week. I actually got asked about the gluten thing, despite having explained several times beforehand that the food that bothers me is stuff that's just kinda harsh because it's like rubbing sandpaper on an open wound. I also got a whole 'can you take immodium for it/pepto for it' and 'what's making you sick then?'. And of course, as I'm munching on things, "are you allowed to eat that?"

And my one grandma that now lives with us keeps insisting I need to go back to the doctor. I appreciate her concern but I've only been seeing the doc all week. Not much more he can do for me right now.

My dad didn't get the whole diet thing either until my gastro flat out told him diet really doesn't do much after friday's flex sig.

Ugh, I know how that is. I've had people tell me that I just need to drink Aloe and someone else say I need to take Tumeric and then I will be cured. Or just "watch what you eat". Most people think I did this to myself by eating incorrectly. It's very frustrating

I understand it's annoying to get information you don't want but I have to say I WISH someone would have suggested a gluten-free and dairy-free diet to me years ago. It's the only thing that has stopped my bleeding. I have tried various diets for UC over the years and nothing ever worked. The prescription pills never worked either but I kept on taking them.

My DH is the one who pointed out an article he'd seen that made me try diet modification one more time because I was running out of options. Because of the way he suggested it or maybe I was desperate I accepted his suggestion and read the article. Then eliminated gluten the next day. In 2 days bleeding had subsided as it never had in 9.5 years. Later I eliminated dairy and most carbs.

I can only give my own testimony. Your mileage may vary.
If someone I didn't know well had made the suggestion to me I would have politely told them that I had been there and done that.
I did say that when he told me what he read but I also tried it one more time.

You are the person in charge of your body though and you get to make the decisions.

Best wishes for good health

Denise

I don't have any inlaws as no one dates me, but I do have many friends/acquaintences in my life who have suggested similar things.

It is not only annoying, but almost INSULTING when people suggest things like "why can't you just take pepto?" "Do you eat too much fruit or crappy foods?" As if I've been stupidly suffering for over a decade with this just because I'm too dumb to realize that duh! You just have to eat better. Good Lord, I want to smack those people. If my doctors, who went to school for a decade, can't figure out how to fix me, what makes YOU think YOU can?? I mean honestly. And I think sometimes I come off a little condescending when I reply to them because I'm so overwhelmed by their ignorance/naivety, although I know they're trying to help.

HOnestly, I've tried a gluten-free diet, and it didn't do anything for me. I can tolerate dairy more than lots of other things, so I would never eliminate that since I can eat so few other things.

Each person is different and their treatments are different--that is what makes this disease so frustrating...I think she needs to understand that, and I think Sue's email idea was a great one.

Navy
I have wondered why it worked this last time. The only difference I can think of is that this time I continued making modifications in the SCD diet which allows fruit, juices, homemade yogurt and which I discovered did not agree with my colon. So I removed them.

I know it sounds weird but I tried to listen to my colon instead of my brain. My brain would try and talk me into drinking coffee which I KNOW is not good for my colon but my brain likes how coffee makes me feel. No kidding. It takes a lot of self-control to take all these foods out of my diet that I love and have eaten my whole life. I LOVE bread and donuts and dairy and all the various forms they take. But I love being free of UC hell even more.

And while removing foods I never thought I was doing it for the rest of my life. I might be fooling myself but I think if I can get my colon healthy again then someday in the future I can eat a donut again or (hallelujah) a Snickers bar. But if I can never eat them again I'm OK with that too because the last 9.5 years have been hell and I've lost a lot of my life.

That's my story so far....

Best wishes

Denise

Interesting. I've had the opposite experience. One day when my future MIL was suffering from diarrhea and eating prunes, I told her that prunes can cause diarrhea. They are high in sorbitol and contain a natural laxative property. She told me that she's taking medicine for her diarrhea and her doctor said that she can eat whatever she wants. She then showed me an antibiotic her doctor prescribed and a bottle of Colazol. I then told her about probiotics. She replied, "Why do I need to take probiotics when I'm already taking antibiotics." When I explained to her the difference, she said, "My doctor and my pharmacist never mentioned probiotics. I'm not going to take anything my doctor and pharmacist don't tell me to take."

So my future MIL is still taking something like nine pills a day for a case of microscopic colitis she got after being on NSAIDs for a knee-transplant she had that didn't work. This is in addition to the heart medication, insulin shots, and a host of other pills she is taking.

BTW, my GI and pharmacist has never mentioned probiotics either.

I did have someone just the other day recommend going gluten-free when I told her I get colitis flareups. I let her know that I'm already on a special diet and that everyone with UC is different. Some people have issues with gluten, others like me have issues with fructose and artificial sweeteners. She then told me about her friend who has UC and doesn't eat gluten. I told her that her friend's diet probably works for her just like my diet works for me. She agreed.

So stopping junk food and praying alot will cure Colitis eh?

I was told by a real southern Texas farmer that I'm sick because I come from Canada and everyone knows that those Canadians have free health insurance so they come up with all kinds of weird diseases!!!!

When I asked, "Well why do I still have it now that I am living in Texas?", he answered cause you got used to them drugs... :)

I think people like to think there's something we're doing wrong that's causing our UC. That way they can convince themselves that if they just don't do that "whatever" they've decided causes it, they'll never get UC. Basically, they're blaming the victim.