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Hubby got real
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Ulcerative Colitis
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journey2health
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2009
Posts : 2885
Posted 3/21/2010 9:57 PM (GMT 0)
Last night, I had to go to the ER for the second night in a row. I didn't tell the Hubby-who-has-had-enough. I made a few calls in the living room to docs and got ready to go. Hubby comes out and said wait, I'll take you (in that weary voice). I didn't say anything and walked out, leaving him in his underwear in the living room. He kept calling me in the hospital and I wouldn't pick up the phone. Given all I was going through with blood loss and massive diarrhea I had a relatively pleasant time because I wasn't worried whether he was doing OK. I had a TV (Mr. Mom) in my face and just relaxed best I could. Got back at 5 a.m. (driving self not easy) He started asking me questions. Told me I had massive amounts of colitis bleeding for the first time and cramping, then said wake me up at 8 a.m. for my pred dose, and that was it went to bed. He was sitting there when I woke up and started apologizing to me for all the hell he's given me. He made a few potty jokes (like old times) and I fell back asleep. Maybe there's hope for us.
I really don't want someone to leave me when I'm so sick. C'mon, who would? Unless that person was Susiebuddy's. She should be divorcing the drug addict. Go Susiebuddy!
quincy
Elite Member
Joined : May 2003
Posts : 33769
Posted 3/21/2010 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
Take advantage of the turn-around and TALK...DISCUSS...without too much blame. Hear his perspective and hope he's wanting to hear yours.
Maybe time for marriage counselling?
Curious how old you both are....
Hope you feel somewhat better today.
q
Ugh Just Ugh
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2010
Posts : 1004
Posted 3/21/2010 10:12 PM (GMT 0)
I think you guys should try counseling, too. My husband and I were in counseling before this flare and plan to go back and some of the techniques we learned there are really helping us hold our crap together during this tough time! The hardest thing is finding a good fit for a counselor.
Christine1946
Veteran Member
Joined : Aug 2008
Posts : 5988
Posted 3/21/2010 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
I have good feelings about
your marriage success Ellen. I think your husband was just at a low point and inserted his foot in his mouth before thinking...men do that a lot...lol.
I'm all for the counseling too. How long have you been married?
journey2health
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2009
Posts : 2885
Posted 3/21/2010 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
we're 51 and 52, we married 10 years ago. He truly has been more of the caretaker throughout this entire marriage. There's a lot more I can bring to the table. I used to fantasize about
being single again, and dating, having adventures, because life is not like that with him, it's kind of dull... but with this disease, I would not want to be single and married life isn't always romantic and fun. It's can be a lot of work and being helpful to each other. He has hit a low point, and there are things I can do to help him. Like really apply myself to my work and bring in more money. That always helps. Do his laundry. Little things like that.
jujub
Elite Member
Joined : Mar 2003
Posts : 10424
Posted 3/21/2010 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
Sometimes dull can be very, very good. Especially when we have autoimmune diseases.
Serenity Now
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 2780
Posted 3/22/2010 12:19 AM (GMT 0)
Being the caretaker can be tough, so maybe it was that he was having a meltdown moment and you two can work through this.
songlady
Veteran Member
Joined : Aug 2009
Posts : 3840
Posted 3/22/2010 12:26 AM (GMT 0)
Gosh, Ellen, sounds like some honest communication could take place here.
Counseling would be good.... there are three of you in the marriage, you, he, and UC, who was uninvited but came along anyway. It's a huge stress for both of you.
I know that I feel more stressed about
my son's UC than I do about
my own..... possibly he feels incredibly stressed about
you and UC and just doesn't know how to articulate it.
I hope the door has been
opened to some good talk between the two of you.
Supa
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 748
Posted 3/22/2010 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
Ellen, I am so sorry you ended up back in the ER!!
I really hope this is the beginning of some good communication between you two. I agree with everyone else-counseling sounds like a great idea, if both of you are up for it.
Gosh, I really hope you are feeling better soon-you have been through the ringer lately.
journey2health
Veteran Member
Joined : Oct 2009
Posts : 2885
Posted 3/22/2010 5:21 AM (GMT 0)
I got this last August. Back at my birthday in November, he gave me a card that said. "I know you think I've ruined your life, but you've made me a better person."
If you knew him, that's a very true statement and expression. He's not a lovey dovey guy.
I'm going into therapy for the first time. He's already in counseling. I don't like his counselor because he says things about
me and my psych meds that aren't true and poisons Marks' mind. It's the one thing that's a stickler between us. My use of psychotrophics. I want to be put on zyprexa again, for sleeping, depression and weight gain. I went off of it because I gained too much weight once I went into remission. Remission? Hah!!!
I'm also going to complain to my GI that I'm not getting the right kind of care. I fly blind and have to figure out too many things on my own.
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