HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Frustrated, need to rant

Support Forums
>
Ulcerative Colitis
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 8/17/2010 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
My best friend has been driving me nuts recently.

She's been on a new agey kick the past year or so, natural meds, blah blah.

Was talking to her tonight and she seems to think that you can just will illness away, maybe with the help of some herbal remedies. She thinks if she gets a chronic illness, she will be able to heal it either through sheer force of will or herbals, and she will do this before even trying actual medication. It's been frustrating me to death because I feel like she's judging anyone who does take them.

Also she thinks quantum physics is concurrent with metaphysical belief systems.
Posted 8/17/2010 6:48 AM (GMT 0)
She's probably never had to deal with chronic illness, and while some herbal remedies can help some aspects of chronic illness symptoms...it's not a cure.

You can tell her to lay off or to maybe expand her understanding of what it's like to actually have an illness that cannot be cured.

q
Posted 8/17/2010 2:11 PM (GMT 0)
I've tried. Obviously it hasn't worked.
Posted 8/17/2010 2:24 PM (GMT 0)
Take a stronger stance and tell her that you are not interested in what she has to say about your disease and the use of herbal remedies. This is much like having friends with opposing political views. If you want to continue your friendship you need to establish these boundaries and if she doesn't respect them, she's not much of a friend.

Sue
Posted 8/17/2010 2:59 PM (GMT 0)
Suebear, you are exactly right- it is SO much like having friends with opposing political views! I hadn't thought of it that way. I would try to agree to just not "go there" in conversations.

I had a good friend with whom I had opposing views on many child-rearing issues, and we just had to talk less - and talk about other things - for about 10 years.

It's difficult - we probably all have friends who have no clue what it's like to live with a chronic thing. And wouldn't we love to be able to use "the think method" (as they said in "The Music Man") and think ourselves out of UC! Or to use herbs and be done with it.

The common ground is that many meds are based on herbs or plants - but processed and tested. Much safer than, say, that Digitalis growing in my yard......
Posted 8/17/2010 4:28 PM (GMT 0)
I try to stay away from such conversation, but every once in awhile it comes up.

She thinks meds, even if they have the same chemicals as plant compounds, are ineffective because they're 'not alive'. She thinks the same thing regarding probiotic pills as opposed to 'live cultures' such as yogurt and kefir.

I told her if you could get rid of UC by wishing it away, I wouldn't be sick as I'm one of the most focused, stubborn, and frankly arrogant people I know.
Posted 8/17/2010 4:43 PM (GMT 0)
LOL! Your answer is great!

It's a tough thing, whether it's UC, politics, religion - or one's own professional area in which self-taught "armchair experts" insist they know the Truth.

Glad you could share your frustration here! We certainly understand!
Posted 8/17/2010 4:52 PM (GMT 0)
Just think of it as another painful symptom of this stupid disease. It' not just how often you poop in your pants, the effects also include how often some know-it-all poops their wisdom in your ears. Just clean it up and move on. I know it's easier said than done, but really, there is nothing you can say or do that will change their mind. It's like explaining how a car engine works to a 2 year old. They just can't comprehend it. Laugh it off Heather.... we have bigger battles to fight.
Posted 8/17/2010 5:27 PM (GMT 0)
SM-I'm kind of used to it and expect it from strangers. My friends...well, they've mostly just made fun of me and sent me links like the one to the 'My anus is bleeding' video. So I really haven't had to deal that much with people that are close to me besides my family who are morons anyway.

songlady-It's just so frustrating right now. She also thinks I'm where I am in life right now because I 'wanted it to happen'. I mean, yeah I did, sure, but I didn't get into my grad program by merely willing it to happen. I worked my butt off at school, impressed a lot of professors who in turn wrote me awesome letters of recommendation, spent a crap ton of money on standardized testing, etc. But she doesn't see a difference.
Posted 8/17/2010 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
Gosh, Heather, that's just so hard. And I see articles in magazines from time to time that promote that kind of thinking - "want it enough and you can make it happen..." I mean, sure, obviously you put in all that work BECAUSE you wanted this to happen - but sheer wishful thinking doesn't get anyone anywhere.
Argh.
You've got a really good head on your shoulders - don't let her throw you off balance!
I am so impressed with what you've done with your life in the year or so I've "known" you!! You have addressed some really difficult situations with maturity, and you've shown brains and independence in getting where you are now!
You go, girl!
Posted 8/17/2010 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Yuck Heather, I know that's got to be so hard.  But what others have said may be the way to do.  Just agree to disagree and make the decision to not discuss it.

And I hate when people think that things 'magically' happen to you.  Perhaps 'magically' isn't the right word but I think you know what I mean.  Just willing things to happen won't work, I mean, yes, you have to believe in yourself and your ability but you also have to WORK and push to get what you want.

Hang in there girl, it sounds like you have some awesome things going for you right now.

Cheers!!

Posted 8/17/2010 7:49 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, it's no wonder books like "The Secret" sell so well. "If you think happy thoughts, life will be sunshine and rainbows!" What bull.

And yes, I do have some pretty awesome things going for me =D I'm attending my first choice grad school, I'm in remission, and engaged to a great guy who wants me even though I'm a little broken. All I have to do is make it through til I start getting my stipend =D I have a feeling after I start getting paid, I will never want to see ramen noodles again.
Posted 8/17/2010 11:52 PM (GMT 0)
I agree with Suebear. You'll not be able to bring this person around to your wavelength. I heard similar garbage from a cousin of mine ca. 15 yrs ago. She had gotten an M.S. in nursing, but still promoted New Age ideas at every opportunity. Then a friend of hers got seriously ill from "colon cleanses" so she asked if the friend could phone me for advice! I gave her my gastroenterologist's contact info. & that was our final communication. There's no point talking to a brick wall, no fun in it, either. They think they have all the answers. / Old Hat (30 yrs with left-sided UC; presently in remission taking brandname Colazal)
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply