Telling boyfriend about UC

Hi,

I know this isn't the usual question, but here goes: I've been with my boyfriend off and on for almost a year. We recently decided to commit to a serious relationship (i.e. we're testing the waters to see if we want to get married). I've never told him about my UC because I'm too embarassed and I wanted to wait to tell a significant other that I could possibly marry (I'm recently divorced so I'm not in any hurry to get married).

My UC is pretty much in control thanks to a good diet, VSL #3, and Imuran, but I wouldn't say I'm completely normal, which makes travel and spending the night with  him difficult so I really need to tell him for those reasons alone. I'm not sure what to say to him so I'm asking for advice and for others to share their experiences with this kind of situation. Thanks.

Mags

UC diagnosed 2008

 

I honestly don't remember how I told my boyfriend. But he's cool with it. But I agree, just be honest. Good luck.

Well, definitely tell him. Better he freaks out now than later. I know some people have had pretty negative experiences, and that was after they were married.

You should have told him earlier. But you didn't. So how to resolve?

I would tell him you have UC and it's in remission (I'm assuming you are since your UC is pretty much under control). Don't get too descriptive about your symptoms right now. He might get freaked out if you go from nothing to a huge medical condition. Try to ease into it. Just tell him you are having a bit of diarrhea (if that's what you are experiencing). Usually with diarrhea comes urgency. So he will understand the urgency.

Most guys like to have sex every day if possible. Yes. It's true. Most guys like to have sex every day even when married. You should try to work out something so that you can be spending the nights with him.

Post Edited (subdued) : 3/24/2011 5:20:58 PM (GMT-6)

Do you hide your meds from him? lol.
Plus, How could he not notice when the whole house smells like Diarrhea for hours?? I think he be pissed or maybe slightly worried. Like dinner he cooked was bad and made you sick. Then you'd have to tell him in the diarrhea house you have a disease. Fun Times.

I mean yea, you feel fine now, but you never know with this garbage

Post Edited (archiestyles) : 3/24/2011 11:20:40 PM (GMT-6)

Mags I agree.   Honesty is the best policy.   Just downplay it a little and don’t give all the details.   Say it’s a digestive disease and sometimes have problems with your stomach and you’re on medication to help with the symptoms and leave it at that.  Tell him you were a little embarrased and you didn't want to tell him right away.  H e might to cool with it just let him know that it's nothing that could have been prevented. I don’t know you but I’m going to be honest with you.   If someone thinks you are flawed because you have UC or are grossed out because of it than that might not be the right person for you.   I highly doubt there is a perfect person out there even a health freak.   The good thing is he knows who you are so hopefully this will not change his mind about you.   If it does than I’d say he was not the right person for you.   We all need people in our lives that will support and love us no matter what.   Especially with something like UC because it can bring us down on days that we don’t feel good. Don’t get me wrong I had the same fear as you and lucky I’m accepted as I am. I did worry that people might be grosses out by UC or they would look it up online but I don’t share what I have with every person I know because I don’t feel it’s any of their business but the people closest to me and love me know what’s going with me.   Although every person I work with (about 30 people) knows that I have UC because I was out on medical disability for 6 weeks after I was diagnosed and I trust me I was embarrassed especially the days I spend a lot of time in the restroom.  But they've all been very supportive as well. I hope things work for you and wish you the best of luck and a very happy future!  

Completely agree with Dsm4life. I would prefer to tell someone a few months into dating. I'm always uncomfortable using other peoples bathrooms too. This way they know why I'm going to bathroom 3 times in 3 hours if need be. Or why I don't want to go on a boat ride at 9am

kweeks said...
Dsm4life said...
Telling my significant other made things a lot easier mentally for me.




I totally agree with this statement. I felt sooooo much better mentally about my UC when I told my partner. It made me feel less worried and scared about the unknown because he knew about my condition and so if I needed to rely on him for something or if I was having a bad day he would understand why. I dont know why I waited too but I did.

I think the advice you got to ease into telling about it is the best. Just say you have a digestive issue called UC. Dont go into details until that goes over. Good luck.



PS- I dont know why my post is formated like this?

^^^it's nothin your doing. This site has a lot of issues with quoting/editing text. I don't even try to use the underline or bold commands.

mags1356 said...
I only have urgency issues in the morning (sometimes, not all the time) so it's been easy to hide. I agree I need to be honest, but this guy is a health freak and I'm afraid he'll think I'm flawed because I have a disease, although I typically don't think of myself as having a disease. In any case, I wonder if anyone has had a negative reaction from their new significant other about UC. Thanks for the advice.


Mags

i totally understand the feeling. my boyfriend and i were together while i was being diagnosed, so i never had to feel like it was a "surprise" i had to spring on anybody. but i think it's just like telling a friend or family member about it. tell him what you told us—"i'm well managed, i feel good most of the time, it doesn't usually affect my life... but it's something i'll always have to deal with at some level." i'm sure he'll understand, and better to be honest now than, god forbid, suddenly get sick and have to deal with telling him when you're already upset and unwell. during remission is the best time to deal with something like this!

and don't let it stress you out. it'll only make things worse! just tell him, let him read about the disease if he wants to, and go on with your life together!

Sounds like you have some serious women issues.

blueclassring said...
I think a lot of women would be turned off by this.

Typically, boys will try to gross out girls until girls get their periods. Once that happens, girls have the upper hand on grossness.

blueclassring said...
Once your girlfriend turns into your mother, consider the relationship over.

Sounds like you are dating girls who are like your mom.

blueclassring said...
A man is there for emotional support of the woman, not the other way around.

I support my boyfriend emotionally much more than he supports me. He has asperger's syndrome. People who have asperger's syndrome aren't able to give emotional support.

Lol... be nice everyone.

kate22 said...

"Typically, boys will try to gross out girls until girls get their periods. Once that happens, girls have the upper hand on grossness. "

lol! i don't know WHERE on earth you came up w/that one subdued. too funny!

I've had a lot of guys in my lifetime try to gross me out ;)

With my frequency, I would never be able to hide it from anyone. I don't go into details but all my friends know what I have. I'm sure they notice I use the bathroom a lot. It's much easier to explain why I couldn't always do something outdoors (like a long hike) with no nearby bathrooms. Everyone knew when I had an ostomy, too