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Other issue with flaring as a man

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Posted 4/15/2011 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
I'm a guy and in college and you know how it is in college. You go to school, party's, drink, and GIRLS. Lately, I've only been going to school and nothing else. I go to school and come back home, depressing. Sometimes there's that girl who you want to get to know or that girl who likes you, or that girl who totally just throws herself at you(you know the type im talking about).

Bad thing is, that I cant hang out with these girls or meet up and "study" (aka clap them cheeks) because I have a flare. When I had a flare last year, there was a girl who wanted me to clap them cheeks but I didn't feel comfortable in doing so because of the flare(didn't tell her that) so I always made excuses and she thought I was gay. Same thing is happening this semester but I just lie and act like I have so much to do everyday and just have no time lol. How would you handle this?
Posted 4/15/2011 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
that's a tough situation.

my neighbor has UC and started dating his wife in college. He said it was hard at times and would be in so much pain on some dates trying not to run the bathroom all the time. She said when he finally told her she was like "so what" - didn't change anything.
Posted 4/15/2011 1:28 PM (GMT 0)
Wow. I've never heard "clap them cheeks." But this makes me even more glad my bf doesn't go to a university like I do lol =p.
You could try some bentyl or immodium before a date. Might help.
Posted 4/15/2011 1:35 PM (GMT 0)
If you have the body and looks that encourage women to throw themselves at you then why go to school? Why not become a movie star or a model for GQ or something? Beats working for a living. devil

Post Edited (BabeintheWoods) : 4/15/2011 7:49:05 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/15/2011 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
@bosco123, there was a time that I was in pain and that made my mind wander so I couldnt get it up and we ended up not doing anything. I figured, I cant go out like this, so I told her lol

@Elephantpipe, funny username maybe he should be worried about you :-X lol. I took immodium before hand one time and I fell asleep at the girls house after we finished watching a movie. It makes me very sleepy. She got mad at me

@Babeinthewoods, babes shouldnt be in the woods because an elephantpipe may attack. I would love to be an actor if I didnt get so nervous performing in front of crowds. I would try the modelling though, it may also help me get rid of some of the nervousness
Posted 4/15/2011 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
Get your UC under control first... who cares about everything else when you don't have your health. My first two years of college I partied a lot and it took a serious toll on my health and UC, it just wasn't worth it.
I am now finishing my third year and taking my disease a lot more seriously. I have somewhat isolated myself from my friends that party a lot but it was a decision I had to make and my UC is now a lot better, I might even be in remission. A lot of the girls I have met, usually the ones with a head on their shoulders aren't into the party every weekend scene like most younger students are. Try and find a girl who is a little more relaxed and doesn't need to get wasted every weekend.
But I know where you're coming from. It tough and sucks sometimes- but that's life and you have to deal with it.
Posted 4/15/2011 6:02 PM (GMT 0)
I was diagnosed in late 2010 (October). Luckily, however, I found my current girlfriend in early 2010 (Feburary) when I had no issues... so I guess I was lucky. My current gf knows all about my UC (has even been with me to see my GI) and is very supportive.

In regards to your situation you'd be best to get your inflammation under control (though that's pretty obvious). When that's under control you'll have the confidence to see as many girls as you want. Not sure about the parties though, ever since my diagnosis, I have never binged drink again. That's the tragedy of getting UC at such a young age, you lose out on a lot of things you should be experiencing during youth. I’ve more or less grown used to not being able to drink like crazy anymore but to be totally honest even without UC I was kind of growing out of that phase anyway... just prior to UC I probably could only have a max of 2 vodka shots before I was drunk…
Posted 4/15/2011 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
I won't even start to lecture you about the drinking...... LOL.

As for girls who are interested in you or vice versa, I firmly believe that each of us need to be upfront and honest with people about having UC.  I decided when I was diagnosed that if someone has an issue with my illness, it's their issue, not mine and they don't belong in my life.  You will be surprised at how many caring and compassionate people there are in this world.  If you are truly interested in a person, you should be able to be honest about your situation. If they are mature enough to handle it, then I say, go for it.  If they don't want to deal with it, why would you waste your time?  Trust me, you will be so glad that you shared your secret.  And who knows, the girl you choose to share with might have a secret of her own. 

Good luck.  turn

Posted 4/15/2011 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
I tried dating a girl during a flare last summer. We went on a few dates, the first of which was at a movie when I was in a BAD way. There were several instances during the movie where I felt like I was going to puke from straining and pain. When we left, she suggested we go for a drink which I of course didn't want to turn down, and surprisingly felt better during. Things didn't get better for me, though, physically, and I didn't want to tell her what was going on. I also wasn't sure that I really liked this girl and wanted to decide if I did before having a serious health discussion with her. After a few more dates that led to nothing, I basically cut the cord and stayed out of the dating scene until I was sure I could get through nights with ladies without feeling sick.

So I guess I don't really have advice for you other than wait to feel better. Talk to a doctor about speeding up remission and get out there as soon as you're sure everything is better or at least under control.
Posted 4/15/2011 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
I know this might sound strange, but how about telling these girls about your UC, and be stright up with them. Now I might be old fashioned, but I'm 44 and I have never been ashamed of what i have or who I am. Having UC in not anything that one should be ashamed of having. I know you're in school, but that is where you become the person you are to be for life. Step up and become a man and be stright with these women.
Posted 4/15/2011 11:34 PM (GMT 0)
hey..feel your pain...in the dating world it's no different...though in college there are more options :-)

From my experience I wouldn't' share "too soon" the UC, else it'll scare someone off thinking you have something contagious, etc. People are ignorant about this disease, just the way it is. Been There. Done That.

What I've been doing is more giving than less receiving(when I feel like crap)..some nights I have no desire to "take my pants off" because I have gas, or what have you. In those cases it's all about me giving pleasure to them if you know what I mean, become an expert, she'll wonder why you're so giving, and want to return to return the favor...try it out!

If you truly don't feel good and don't want to even see them, try other forms of communication...IM..text..phone...and just say I'm under the weather, you just want until I'm better, or something like that

good luck man, it's tough, but the right girls will stick with you
Posted 4/16/2011 12:53 AM (GMT 0)
Last time I had a symptoms and a date coming I stopped eating for the day and drank a lot of water and was fine. Once a full-on flare is underway that would not work and would not be on my mind anyway.
Posted 4/16/2011 1:30 AM (GMT 0)
Neither alcohol nor casual sex will get you anywhere. Keep it up and you'll soon be visiting the herpes board. Develop other interests. And no, I'm not religious, or a prude, or old, or female. I just know that life is more enriching and peaceful without those elements.
Posted 4/16/2011 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Well I can't really discuss any of my other "hobbies" on the forum, and besides, I never said I was worried about HIM. I was worried about the girls lol. What school do you go to?? Either you're Brad Pitt's clone, their tolerance for liquor is exceptionally poor, or, to put it bluntly, they're easy, lol

ANYWAYS, haha, have you tried diet changes, since Immodium makes you tired? Or natural supplements? What meds are you on?

I told guys about my UC. Except for one, they all seemed okay with it; the only time they started having problems was when I wouldn't sleep with them.

PS: You're not funny XD
Posted 4/16/2011 4:51 PM (GMT 0)

DavisD said...
Neither alcohol nor casual sex will get you anywhere. Keep it up and you'll soon be visiting the herpes board. Develop other interests. And no, I'm not religious, or a prude, or old, or female. I just know that life is more enriching and peaceful without those elements.

I don't think anybody is concerned about "going somewhere." These are every day occurrences that people run into which UC can often complicate.

I agree with those who suggest eating less and restricting one's diet when attempting to go out during a flare. I've done this with success. Only problem is, eating very little may make one weaker or tired as the day/night goes on. You can soldier through that, though.
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