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Anyone get a restrainign order due to UC Symptoms?

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Posted 6/3/2011 3:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,

I come from a very abuse family.  My mother and sister have both verbally and emotionally abused me since I was born. On top of it my sister has physically abused me.

Recently my dad passed away. He was the only who treated me like part of the family and provided some balance between us.  Now things have gone haywire.  Mom verbally asued me for missing the funeral service as I had the flu and I was under doctor order not to travel...also have active UC too!  Her word purverized me to a pulp and now my UC went from Protitis to Pancolitis and is severe.  I'm trying to break off relations with them but I'm afraid what will happen if I return home for a family gathering.  There were times were I try to walk away but they are relentless and follow me around constantly putting me down and making things up about me.

Was wondering if push come to shove maybe I may need a restraining order to keep them away.  This is not good for my health to be in such unhealthly relationships and all I am to them is an ego boost.  They don't care about my condition. They just want to have something to complain about.  Has anyone else has just extreme relationships? 

 

Posted 6/3/2011 3:37 PM (GMT 0)
I only deal with my family on my own terms. I live far away and I try to keep them at a distance. My family is not abusive but they gossip and I find it disrespectful. I am sorry your family is so difficult. Can you just do what I do, avoid them?
Posted 6/3/2011 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe I'm not understanding it well but why would you even be around people who make you feel bad?
With caller ID you shouldn't even have to talk to them on the phone.
Are they showing up at your house? Don't answer the door.

I don't believe you can get a restraining order unless there is a police report documenting a threat but that could include telephone harassment if you have proof.
Do you and your family live in the same town and run into one another?

I came from a dysfunctional family but left them behind long ago and made a wonderful life with my husband. In the past 30 years spent minimum amount of time with negative family members and didn't allow emotional manipulation. It takes two to tango, if you don't play the game they can't beat you up.

Have you had some counseling to help you break the negative bonds?
Posted 6/3/2011 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
Peace&Harmony,

So sorry you have to go through this.

I know how you feel. I come from a very dysfunctional and abusive family too.

After 53 years of taking their crap, and abuse, I finally told my mother over the phone that she has never been a real mother to me, and that I wanted nothing more to do with her and basically hung up on her. I haven't spoken to her since April 28th, and I finally feel I have some peace in my life.  I've done the same with my condescending brother too.

There comes a point in your life, when you have to step up, and keep the negativity and the people who are abusive and negative OUT of your life. It took me way too long to do it.

But it feels good now.

I don't think you can get a restraining order ... but you can cut your ties with them, if you want them to stop impacting on your life and health.


 

Posted 6/3/2011 9:04 PM (GMT 0)

Thansk for all the replies.  Just trying to "plan for any future contact" wth them.  Sometime avoidance isn't enough. I just don't want to live in fear hearing from them.  They are a relentless bunch of people who only care about themselves.

I sent out letter to my relatives to let them know that I have broken ties with them and not to participate in any dicusssing with them regarding me.  I already had one relative tell me that he stood up for me in their conversations about me.  It's like they don't know me at all.  My doc thinks being in this type of environment for all of my life could have been one of the factors leading to my UC. Screwed up immune system due to being in fight/flight mode 24/7.

Luckally we live 3 hours apart. Just want to make it clear to them that I don't want them around anymore.  I'm sure if they see me I'll be cornered with the accusations.  Guess I can always sick my lawyer on them too to try and scare them off. 

Thansk for the supportive words!

Posted 6/6/2011 1:49 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know if you seen my post about my mother in law, she is coming to visit today and she is verbally abusive to me, my husband, and kids.  I don't really have any advice because I have major issues with them but I try not to see them.  If it were my family I wouldn't talk to them but it is my husbands family.  He grew up around it and he is use to just ignoring it and not letting it bug him.  Me not so much.  I haven't seen her since Nov. 2009 and my husband only talks to her about once every month or two.  My father in law is the same way and he lives here so we just see him when we have to and I just try to stay away when we are with him.  I still hear the comments and I am really stressed out right now because she is coming.  We have told them to quit and they still do it.  We are the jerks to them.  They do nothing wrong.  So, I will just be quiet and deal with it for the three days but I hate it.  I wish my husband would never see them again but it isn't my place to say that to him.  He distances himself and us from them but we still have to deal with them from time to time and it is hard.  Good luck.  It is worse when we have our health to worry about also.
Posted 6/6/2011 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
Deal with who you want to deal with and don't deal with who you don't want to deal with. It's very simple. Change your phone number to an un-listed number and go about your business, like usual. The less stress, the better you will be.

You can control a certain amount of stress in your life and this is one case, where you can.
Posted 6/6/2011 2:42 PM (GMT 0)

Peace&Harmony said...
Has anyone else has just extreme relationships?

I am talking with my brother once a month, maybe, and that on the phone. I avoid seeing him for the same reasons you've stated. I consider we are both to blame, but at this moment we are unable to have a good relationship.
I believe it's better for me not to put myself into stressfull situations. And i must say it was the right choice.
Posted 6/6/2011 5:26 PM (GMT 0)
After many years of therapy and the death of my parents (relief regarding the rejection issues)....placing boundaries is most important for one's self-preservation.

We can tolerate, but if we make it a personal decision to do so, it's best. But, when some mouth off or try to interfere with our lives, it's easier to burn the bridge if they won't make the effort for things to be maintained civil.

The bottom line is that we hurt and have hope that others will see/recognise....but they don't because they have their own issues. We can become easy targets for whatever...once we put a foot forward and draw the line, it becomes easier.

Maybe age and experience has something to do with that process. We can't pick our families, but we can sure make decisions regarding how much we allow them into our lives.

I also need to add that once we set our boundaries, all hell can break out because their reactions can be escalated to sometimes mind-blowing proportions.  If we stand our ground...eventually they may get it.  Give them an inch of consideration...it's all for naught and we sacrafice ourselves once again.


quincy

Posted 6/6/2011 6:15 PM (GMT 0)
my husband's father cannot be around my husband's aunts and the rest of that part of the family. So we arrange things so that we never put the two together.

You will probably have to live a separate life from them and since you are the one making the change only see the other family members if they wont be there. Which stinks for you but if you truly do not want to see them, it would be difficult otherwise.
Posted 6/7/2011 12:07 AM (GMT 0)

Peace&Harmony said...
My doc thinks being in this type of environment for all of my life could have been one of the factors leading to my UC. Screwed up immune system due to being in fight/flight mode 24/7.


This is very interesting to me. I always felt this could have been a causative factor for me as well. Sorry you are having to go through this BS.
Posted 6/7/2011 1:00 AM (GMT 0)
I broke up ties with my mum around 2 years ago.
She made a big mess in my family and put everyone down. Shelied about my dad and well.. everything she could find to be the victim.
However Im an adult now and Im able to make my own decision but this is rough cause its your family and its emotional.
I will one day talk to her again but until I didnt find a way to be in contact with her without being drained or diminished... well i prefer to take a break.
One day ill be able to be in contact with her and be hurt by whatver she says.
I dont think you are ready to maintain a relationship without having any emotional consequences in your own life. So stay clear but no need or order. Just stay clear. You are probably very emotional now and I understand so its better to take some space to breathe.
Do not feel guilty about it. Its hard but keep going on. See how you go without them and probably youll be stronger and maybe ... one day... youll be able to talk to them and be glad of ho strong you are and how their comments arent touching you.
But first in my opinion get stronger. Thats your priority.
xxxx
Posted 6/7/2011 7:37 AM (GMT 0)
Oh man... P&H I had no idea. It really seems like family abuse is a common thread among people with UC! Hello stress. I grew up in an extremely abusive household with what was literally the wicked stepmother of the west. She's gone now, but the damage is well done. Interestingly enough, Christmas time is always when my condition gets at its worst (all hospitalizations have occurred in winter) and that's when family gets together. I still don't have it nearly as bad as you do though. To think you've got all that and UC on top!

Stress is a killer. Period. Not only will it throw your gut into even greater havoc, but it will do other things to you as well. The only advice I would give is just a paraphrasing of the things already said here: you need to cut them out. Your health and entire well-being completely depend on it. A family like that will slowly and indirectly kill you through stress.

Much love for all you who suffer.
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