"Nobody poops but you"

Peter: I'm looking for some toilet training books.
Salesman: We have the popular "Everybody Poops" or the less popular, "Nobody Poops But you".
Peter: Well, you see, we're Catholic...
Salesperson: Ah, then you'll want 'You're a naughty, naughty boy, and that's concentrated evil coming out the back of you'.

I've been trying to remember that Family Guy quote for a while because I knew the "Catholic" (hoping this doesn't offend anyone - the show's known for pushing the line of 'did they really just say that?') book, minus the 'naughty' and 'boy' described how it feels sometimes.

Especially when there's that gurgling sound and all, where you just know something evil is brewing up.

Also "Nobody Poops But You" makes me laugh.

Love the quite!

Once I'm seated on the toilet at work, I often (if able) try to hold off unleashing the loud farting/gurgling/spattering/sputtering crap symphony until everyone who saw me enter the booth leaves the restroom. At first I waited for the restroom to be empty, not I only try for some anonymity. Sometimes I entered with such urgency, that I just could not care, and I think "ths is the sound of UC. This is my sound. Deal with it." ...

Of course, nobody has ever said anything (except for one bought of laughter and jokes in an Outback Steakhouse restaurant men's room), it is just that psychologically there is a lot of conditioned aversion and embarrassment when we cannot obtain the same privacy that most other folks quiet bowel movements afford them. It is just one more way UC takes from us.