OT: Who is in the right?

Need to vent a little.

Basically my brother (who is 21, compulsively lies ALL the time, has failed his first year of uni and didnt even turn up to his exams for his second year) still lives at home and he never asks about my colitis/if I'm feeling fine. In fact I was sent into the ER 4 times this year and not ONCE did he come to visit me. On top of that, he hasn't bought anybody in the family christmas presents despite the fact we've all bought him some.

I, on the other hand, live at uni away from home but have come home for the holidays. I gave him a lecture at around 12:30pm about his lying and how he needed to stop and he got angry (as he always does. he tries to physically threaten my mom when his lies don't work). I then got angry myself and threw his £2 ring (of which there are many, many in stores so not exactly irreplaceable) out of the window.

He then decided the best course of action was to storm into my parent's room (this was at around 1am in the morning and my parents have to get up at 6am) and throw a tantrum. A LOUD tantrum, smashing their door and throwing the lights on and shouting. Which is such a SELFISH and childish move. Why make them suffer for something I did?!

This of course woke them up and got them angry. He then ran to the garden to check for the ring and when he couldn't find it (at 1am it's pretty dark) he threatened me by saying: 'Find my ******* ring or I'm going to smash your head through the ******* concrete'. All in front of my parents while making loads of noise. I already told him I'd buy him a new ring. He then punched me as hard as he could (I'm 19, 6'3, currently flaring and 120lbs - I've lost a lot of weight because of UC). Also, who punches someone with UC?! He then gathered a bunch of his clothes and said he's moving out now (no doubt to one of his friends houses). He does this because he knows it hurts my mom and she'll hate me for it as she's blaming me for all this.

My parents who at this point realised what had gone on and saw everything decided to blame ME for everything!!! I didn't wake them up or make the noise. I'm not the one making threats and physically assaulting anyone. My mother has always favoured my brother despite the fact he NEVER went to visit her in hospital when she was ill (and I did). He was too busy out partying with his friends. He also lies, steals stuff from our house (multiple times he stole money from my mom's purse) and gossips about us to other family members (despite the fact we NEVER told anyone about him getting cosmetic surgery to get his ear's pinned back and cut shorter) and my mom NEVER says anything. I'm the kid who got straight As, got into a great university all while having colitis. Just the other day I treated my brother to the cinema spending over $50 and I don't have that much money as a student. I'm a good brother and I do right by my parents, and they still blame ME?!

All I want to do is cry at this point. I feel I have been treated so unfairly.

That's a tough call, but my advice would be to stop worrying about what your brother is doing. You can't control his actions or make him miraculously change, he's got to want that for himself. And he's young, so, there's a good chance that this is just a phase and he'll grow up/out of it in time.

In the meantime, pick your battles as much as possible and take care of yourself.

I think suebear gives good advice. It is hard to know your family dynamics on a forum like this, and certainly cannot answer the question "who is right". In my experience nobody, not completely anyway. Siblings vying for family position or parental approval/attention is as old as the human race. It sounds like you have a lot of issues/feelings in this area and might back away form the topic (as much as you can) while chatting with a counselor as imagardener2 suggests. Ultimately it will be you reaction/perception that gets changes - not those around you. Few people are so powerful as to really change others.

I take a strong position to the assault committed by your brother. But, I also note that there are other types of violence in relationships besides physical. I wonder about the wisdom of "lecturing" someone in the middle of the night, and especially of taking their property (no matter what its value) and throwing it out. This goes double if when you have unresolved issues. Still, having said that, assault is assault. I advocate near-zero tolorance for any domestic assault. If punches were thrown and not returned, and you parents did witness, I would swear out a police complaint. Anything less is akin to enabling a domestic thug.