Posted 4/8/2012 12:02 AM (GMT 0)
Dear JC,
Esoterically: The only things that matter are how you think and feel about yourself, those in your life, the planetary whole and God/Creation.
You are a valued and lovable human being regardless of occupation, relationship status, economics, skin color, health & disease, age, religion, Sexual Orientation. This includes being sexually active or not, and every thing in between.
Sociologically: Gender roles are a drag, don't fit everybody's contemporary cultural values, and are difficult to maintain; note the high divorce rate and number of (hetero) women never married; also the burgeoning number of children growing up with a single parent. What individual men really want often varies from from the value placed on 'getting-some' among groups of men friends. What men want from sexual relationships varies even more from what women want; the Mars v Venus explanation. Finding perfect love is as much a myth as everyone can achieve the American Dream. Relationship compatibility is complex in contemporary, post-industrial, developed cultures like ours. Here we marry for love and split for gender and economic factors. Thru out our human history, the lust and pursuit for sex, money and power have driven people to insane behaviors; rape, murder, war, or depression, self-abuse, suicide.
Economically: Male libido is currently being exploited by the pharmaceutical industry. Hollywood and producers of **** have long exploited it. And for some backward and f___ed-up reasons, Republicans are trying to accomplish the exact opposite for women; invalidating female libido altogether by rolling back women's rights and access to sexual health services to the 19th century through institutional and economic barriers.
Personally: Lack of and intervals of low libido have had a silver lining in my life. Fears of being alone and never finding a life partner while having a strong libido was a terrible force contributed to an unrelenting depression. All of the antidepressant SSRIs that I've used have been libido suppressants (as a known side-effect). There is still a powerful urge to be intimate emotionally and sensually, and find someone to love and be loved. It is great to know there are (hetero) men without the obsession of 'all-things leading to sex'.
One reason women become Old Cat Ladies - are the elements of relationship intimacy just listed above. Cats respond with affectionate snuggle and purr, and the idea of sex is never 'erected'. No gender roles or complicated compatibility issues are required to love another sentient being. The same is true with multitudes of other species that men and women, boys and girls become guardians and care-takers for; pets are now considered members of the family, (remember Katrina?). I share this because survival as a single female, living alone has demanded I have at least the minimal love and affection of companion pets. Anyway, it is just fine to be in an intimate relationship without sex. Knowing that you are not motivated primarily by sex, will bring potential companions your way who value sincere, meaningful, enduring relationship intimacy.
Being so happy in your life right now JC, while experiencing lack of libido without erectile dysfunction may be a window of opportunity; A time to explore liberation from social gender-role expectations.
This post is lengthy and more than an answer to your question; Does anyone else have this problem? I tend to go on and on into details off subject, have OCD, and spend too much time alone. However, the description of your situation posted and question was far from simple. It is all food for thought without giving unsolicited diagnoses or advice. I hope that we've had a meaningful discussion that you find supportive.
Wishing Auspicious openings in Your Life,
Denny Rae