stressing (vent)

I have to see my father-in-law this weekend. We don't like each other. I have been stressing about if for 2 weeks. ON top of that, I have my c-scope on the 29th and I am totally stressed about the prep. I have never done the moviprep before. I have read the posts on here about it and am preparing myself. Last time I did the prep I used the osmoprep pills and it was so hard on me....had a prolapsed rectum from all the trips to the toilet. I am scared about this one. Any ideas on how to beat the stress? Aside from faking food poisoning for this reunion? Uugh, I think I am just going to have to suck it up and go.

The stress isn't worth the potential affect to your colon -- not worth a uc flareup. Perhaps seeing both your father in law and the box of colonoscopy prep in the same light will help: both the prep and seeing your father in law are unpleasant, uncomfortable, experience and sure there might be crap all over the place either figuratively or literally as part of the process but once it's done and over; you'll likely wake up in a daze but thankfully both are something you don't have to do that often and that fact should be enough to make you smile.

Thanks everyone. I told my husband if he left me alone with his father I was going to leave. I just can't hear how horrible of a wife and mother I am again. I hope this prep goes a little better. I am going to try to mix it with vitamin water, but also investing in the crystal light packets as well!! Fingers crossed.

Your husband tells you that you're a horrible wife and mother??

q

lemonhead said...
Thanks everyone. I told my husband if he left me alone with his father I was going to leave. I just can't hear how horrible of a wife and mother I am again. I hope this prep goes a little better. I am going to try to mix it with vitamin water, but also investing in the crystal light packets as well!! Fingers crossed.

Why does the FIL think you're a bad person? Did you do something? Usually it's the MIL that have issues. heh

I'm not sure why your husband doesn't "man up" and have a talk with his dad. You shouldn't have to endure this. It's one thing to not like you but quite another to make remarks about it. It doesn't seem like it would be so hard to keep his mouth shut, endure your visit, and then be glad you're gone. If you can do it, he should be able to do it too.

My inlaws and I don't really get along and they constantly make fun of me so I feel your pain. I used to get physically ill when I had to see them but now I realize that their opinions don't define me and I usually just laugh when they start to give me grief. Of course sometimes they still get under my skin but I have to remind myself that as long as my husband isn't criticizing me who cares what they think. Good Luck!

WEll, it's easy for some to say "why worry about it or stop stressing, etc". The emotional impact of someone who is a bully with words isn't an easy thing to deal with or to take. Remember this has been a constant for 17 years.

lemonhead...your husband should be the one to say "dad, knock it off, your negative remarks are hurtful and demeaning". or something to that effect.

If he won't do it, you could say something like "well with such serious remarks like that, it's a good think you keep setting me straight, I didn't realise you were so disappointed in me!...... OR..... "wow, and I love you too".

In reality, now's the time to deal with it. If it were me, and this is truth....I would go up to him, put my face really close to his ear. Give him a kiss and say with absolute conviction "Do NOT EVER...EVER say those words or talk like that about me or to me again". Then I'd turn to my husband and say "and you're just as bad to say nothing". Get into his comfort space...that will help.

You could have a discussion with your dad on the way to visiting your FIL to be on the ready on his part. But, if you have to make it alone, set the limits. You do let him say it, you've never set the boundaries. he's a bully, and your husband is the bystander. You don't have to take it...sorry folks. The FIL can keep his mouth shut until after lemonhead leaves. It doesn't matter what he thinks. It does matter what he says.

q

Sounds like he is...what has your husband said about his remarks to you (assuming you've told him of his dad's MO).

Keep us posted how it all goes.

q

Good on you! that's what I do mean about changing the power balance and how to deal with "bullies"....they are very conniving and know behaviour of others.  Otherwise, it wouldn't work for them.

q

My kids are 12 and 10. The day went ok, I guess. The only issue was that he told everyone at dinner the night before (we were not there for dinner) that I keep my husband from coming to visit him. Not true. My husband doesn't want to go visit him. It is 8 hours (Cincinnati to Iowa) and there is NOTHING for our kids to do there. So, I feel like it is my husbands responsibility to arrange a time to go visit and we will go with him, but it is HIS family. Why would that be my responsibility to make him go?

I just tried to stay away from him all day. It seemed to work this time, there were plenty of other people to keep him busy. Now if I can get through this colonoscopy in 2 weeks.

Although the visit went OK, I am still lost with the basic question. What does your husband say about this dynamics and if he made it clear to his father that it is none of his business to meddle in your family life. The advice is always welcome (as more experienced in life) but if he is going to be only critical, does he stand up to this? (I would, unless the old man is going to leave me millions of dollars.)

Or even the kids can say something to my grandpa. Like my wife, who would always tell her grandma on the face when she would criticize MIL.

And finally, everyone, literally everyone has at least one such kind of jerk in the family. I just say, "Hi, hello, nice to see you, hope you are doing well, bye, gotta attend others. See you around", all in one breath and before the person says something, I am walking away.

heh, your situation is not out of the norm. My grandma doesn't approve 100% of my mom since forever and she even said nasty things but I never heard her say it cause if I heard, I would have defended my mom vigoursly.

My mom and dad are very hard working, devoted people, so any comment my grandma would make about my mom is un-called for.

Oh well, someone always don't like someone for whatever reason.

Maybe your FIL thinks you're too hard on the kids (heck, you even stated you were hard. If someone that is hard on kids admits they are hard, they MUST REALLY be hard), I dunno lol.

There must be a reason why your FIL doesn't like you.