Hi and welcome to the forum.
CurioLady said...
UC is new to me... he is on new medication (corticosteroid). He has his good days (active, going out, talkative) and bad days (moody, in pain, wants to be alone<--very hard for me since I want to be there for him when he doesn't feel good, but he pushes me away).
Your boyfriend is going through a flare (when our symptoms come back in full force) with his ulcerative colitis, if he's prescribed a corticosteroid. UC gives us painful, frequent and urgent poops, and it's a struggle just getting to and from work and the other essentials without having an accident (being close to incontinent). At an emotional level, that gives us anxiety, depression, and body image issues as UC is an unsexy disease (poop, accidents, and abdominal pain). We can be housebound and drop social commitments because we're anxious and urgency will make that event anything but fun.
What can you do?
First, drop the fight issue and the need to talk in person about
it, he's got enough health-related stress as it is and doesn't need more relationship-related-stress (let's talk about
our fight is stressfull). He's still talking with you, things are cool. As I said uc is embarrassing, he's likely keeping you at a distance due to that. Also, Corticosteroids are full of temporary side effects that make us nutcases and quick to anger, moody, etc. If his actions were untypical for him then the steroids were likely in the cause. I'm on Corticosteroids now, and have to catch my anger daily. Fortunately they're temporary medications.
Second, give him some space but try to invite yourself into his world but not forcefully by being helpful, listening and understanding. If he doesn't want to go out on a date, it's not a slight but likely because his symptoms are bad. We have bad days where the toilet can't be far away. He's not going out anywhere at all for any reason. Sometimes stay at his place dates are better when flaring, stream a movie on netflix, bathroom nearby, and eat uc safe things there (soups and very bland, non-spicey meals of chicken, rice or potatoes). Sore abdomens aren't conducive to certain intimacy as we hurt and it's uncomfortable. However, a hot water bottle on the lower abdomen is great! Better than a backrub would be a front side rub of his achy/sore large intestinal area, just trace the area where the large intestine is in a clockwise motion, as it eases the aches some.
Good luck, being supportive and understanding are qualities anyone with UC wants in the GF, BF, spouse etc! Flares can last weeks, months, a year or more in worst cases. I hope his is short, and quickly exits it and returns to his normal self. Flares totally suck!