Help me please

I had a heart attack at age 40 and triple bypass a month later. I have a total of 9 stents.

It has been ten years and after seeing my GP twice a year, cardiologist yearly, GYN yearly they have all tried to help me.

My emotions are a mess.  For the last 10 years I have been a in-home caregiver to my parents - both now decrease - mom being the last in 2012, however we have had 9 deaths of family (all older who had good lives and ready).

The three doctors and 2 therapist have tried all meds without luck. My struggle just to get up - I don't like to leave the house anymore because I have to dress - I don't like how I look or feel as heart meds and condition cause 50lbs weight gain.

It's been 10+ years and I've decided to have a full mental evaluation but it is taking 6 weeks for just the start of the appt.  It will take 3 appointments just to diagnose me. I'm going to be a grandma for the first time in May and need to be better.

I have recently changed my eating habits trying to help my emotional and physical being. In this group I have learned of mood stabilizing meds - I'm interested in knowing if anyone has experience with this - the only meds that work a bit were Paxil with Wellbutrin but these didn't health with the sleep issues I've had for 20 years.  Thoughts or suggestions.

I am familiar with Remeron and carbs - my mom was put on it to cause weight gain. I currently have a script for Elivil but again weight gain is a big issue since I have heart disease and my weight is too high.

I've taken some online tests that indicate major depressive disorders, and borderline personality disorder.

Talk therapy hasn't helped in the past - but I have to do what I have to do to get better at this point.

Thanks for your insight - I wish you the best.

2003aftermath ,   Welcome to HealingWell ! I am Kitt and you will find me in the Anxiety Forum also - I hope you join us there as the members are wise and wonderful, kind and caring. There are many things we experience that create shifts of perceived reality. I say perceived because our mind can't deal with all the input it gets from our senses. When our minds go into overload the anxiety starts to spiral out of control. This is what it feels like to live with anxiety.   Treatment and recovery can be a slow process -- it may take months to change patterns that have been learned over many years. Be patient and don’t expect too much  all at once. I have had good psychologists and not so good psychologists.   Where I am from the first   couple of sessions are spent with the Dr. doing "intake" which is simply me telling her my whole life history which spans a long time.   These are the appointments I dislike the most as I am really tired of trying to cover my entire life history in the 50 minute hour. Don't give up on therapy but do set the ground rules with your therapist when you see him/her for the first time.   Let the therapist know what it is you hope to gain from therapy.   What type of communication do you like best, how do you learn best and are you willing to do homework ?   The phrase "good therapy" encourages a misconception: the idea that there is such a thing as pure good therapy, a process exempt of any problems or issues. Good therapy will not always be free of difficulties. No therapist is perfect, and no therapy can be provided perfectly, no matter how ideal a therapy may be in theory. Good therapy is the sum of all the experiences, internal and external; it leads toward self-awareness, growth, and the release of extreme feelings, energies, and beliefs. And what a blessing it is that even the best therapy can be lined with areas of unawareness, mistakes, and challenges to the therapeutic relationship and yet still turn out good. I wish you peace, Kitt