Eye on the prize

I see by my new moniker that I'm no longer a "new member". I'm now a regular member. I'm not quite sure how that was decided since I still very much feel like a new one.

I only know one thing or for sure - no longer being called a new member doesn't mean I know any more about anything except my own diagnosis and suggested treatment which all came from my GI doc, the hospital test results and the recommendations of my prospective surgeon.

I don't think any of the people posting on this helpful forum ever really intend to misspeak, offend, step over the line or speak out of turn. But from reading older threads I see that it can happen and I've learned from one week's experience being here that it does.

It seems as if there is a fine line between wanting to help someone or offer encouragement and jumping out on a limb to offer ideas on what someone ought or ought not to do and for me, that holds true wherever you are, and not just in a medical forum.

This whole concept of sharing while sick is new to me. I've obviously manned up and suffered from my own symptoms for what seems like now more time than I should have and it's all come crashing down on me within the last two months.

I hope nothing I have said to anyone has been misinterpreted. The words I have written have been about my own pain and about what this horrible condition does not just to the individual experiencing the symptoms but to their family life, their relationships and to the possible good they could be accomplishing in their life if the did not have this condition called GERD.

It's more than heartburn. It's more than burping too much. It's more than an occasional night's loss of sleep and it's more than avoiding chocolate or alcohol or hot sauce. Way much more.

I used to take the complaints of a relative who had HH and GERD much too lightly. I though many years ago that this person should just buck up and stop whining so much.

I'm glad to report that she has been very kind to me since my own situation sky-rocketed out of control and she has been there for me when I needed to vent and I'm very grateful.

I pray for the day that I won't wake up and throw up. I look forward to even the possibility of no more bleeding gums or cavities caused by acid in my mouth at night. I cherish the thought of not being afraid to eat and sleep and I will set off a Roman Candle on the day I no longer wake with acid pouring out of my mouth all over my pretty pillow.

I hope everyone who posts on this thread - if anyone does - will understand me and accept me for just who I am. An old gal from Oklahoma who loves life and travel and family and dancing and music and fun but who enjoyed it all a whole lot more before the acid took over.

I hope to be better soon after the surgery but I'm still very much afraid I won't.
I guess I'll find out soon.

And so it goes . . .

Halloweenbaby, you are always welcome here. We all try to help, but we all also have bad days and rant days when it all gets too much!

I hope things turn round for you very soon.

MMM

Rita, I can see that you have had a really bad time with your reflux! I can sympathize completely, and could have written some of your posts myself! After 20 years and taking every PPI on the market and my GI finally mixing Dexilant and Reglan, (a not safe med) I began to get a little relief.

Then, I had a bout of Gastritis, and never got any better after that! I understand what you have been going through!

I was so unsure about it all, and waited for another year, even after the GI found a segment of Barretts during the EGD. I still wasn't convinced that I could do it. Then in Jan. of this year, when I was so much worse, I decided to have the NF, after almost two years from when the doc first recommended it.

I waited until the summer because I am retired and keep my grandchildren. (They are both teachers.) I just didn't think I could have them go to daycare and have their parents spend half of their paychecks in child care costs!

I am now so glad that I had the surgery, just sorry that I waited so long. If the surgeon you see this week meets your expectations, go for it! It sounds like you are a tough girl and you can certainly handle the recovery.

Today, I am a little miserable because I have maybe eaten too much, or tried too many new foods in the last week. I will go back to my soft, bland, uninviting diet for a few days and see if that could have been it. Still, it is nothing, compared to the bile in my throat 24-7!

I will be praying that you have a successful appointment on Wednesday!
Gail

Halloweenbaby

Hey there, this is Kitt, your peer and moderator of this great forum.  I am sorry you deleted your messages from other threads so I cannot read exactly what happened but please know that you are very welcome here.

Support groups are a place for people to give and receive both emotional and practical support as well as to exchange information. People with health conditions, as well as their friends and families find support groups to be a valuable resource and get confirmation that their feelings are "normal", educate others, or just let off steam. IMHO joining a support group is joining a family.  Even family members misunderstand each other at times and I am glad you are remaining in the family. You are an important member of this forum.

I can sense your pain and frustration in dealing with your GERD.  Being new to forums I too ran into problems back when and I still occasionally will post something that is not taken in the way I meant it to be.  I also know that my major medical problems are anxiety and depression which cause me to be more sensitive.   I have a 29 year hx of learning to deal with my feelings and yup I still get it wrong more times then I care to count.

I hope you know that I am here for each of you and my email is wide open if you have any questions or concerns or just need a ear to bend.

I am just an old lady from MN -   -

We are all here to help each other and I am so happy you have found us!

Keep on talking to us and I hope your surgery will take away the pain you are now suffering.  Pain can wear you down .

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Rita-
I am very happy to hear you are staying with us. I also agree you really need to concentrate on getting your health back. There is nothing wrong with just reading for a while and only post when the need really hits you. I know I have had weeks like that and am pretty sure others have too.
Remember we are here for you and will help any way we can. Whether it's just reading a rant you post to vent or offering some advice.

Take care,
Bill

I don't give advice. That's one thing I won't be doing. I've never been involved in a forum like this before and it's rather odd dealing with faceless names. I'm a people person and I'm older and I'm used to being the one other people come to i.e. by grown kids, their friends our neighbors many of whom are like family to us etc.

It's hard to be almost helpless. And it's sad to have to say those words. GERD can be and for me has become incapacitating. I've enumerated the symptoms I continue to experience ad nauseum so I'll be trying not to bore anyone with them but I have to say again that I've lost all quality of life and if it hadn't been for the nurse who administered the last tests I had I wouldn't ever have thought of expressing how I feel with those words. She said that's the point I've reached and what I was having the tests for and she was right.

It finally rained last night where I live after a long dry spell and continual days of 110 degrees and more. Transformers had been exploding all over town due to the unbearable heat and the sounds of those explosions were always followed by whatever firetrucks were available to put out the fires.

When it started to rain last night my husband and I went out and sat on the front porch and just watched it. It was after midnight and my pain and nausea had let up a bit and I remember wishing I could just sit out there all night but that wasn't possible.

I went to bed as I always do and I prayed. I always pray for others first not out of the goodness of my heart anymore but almost hoping to gain some favor with the stomach gods that they'll have pity on my own pathetic old tummy. So far it has not worked.

I have heretofore been a fairly normal individual coming and going as other effectual people do in their daily lives. That changed dramatically about two years ago and the change since then has been a memorable one to say the least.

At any rate, I'm up today and have two things I'm going to try to leave the house to do. They are fun and happy things and I hope I can get them done before the vomiting starts and the temp gets over 100 and stays there. Heat has become the enemy as well.

I have very much appreciated the professional comments and the attitude of the four moderators on this forum and if not for my recent days of panic and nausea I probably would never have posted randomly. Sitting alone in a room with a computer wondering if you're doing the right thing with your health and surgeon choice etc are not my idea of a fun day but that's where I found myself last week....

I'm hoping the meeting with the surgeon in two days will settle everything down. I have to try to look at it that way and I guess I'll know for sure fairly soon.

Thanks,
Rita

Post Edited (halloweenbaby) : 7/25/2011 7:51:25 AM (GMT-6)

 

Just being handy.

Ashley,

I really appreciate your reply. I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything you or anyone else said. I believe it was you whom I misunderstood. I'm not really sure at this point because the names are too many and too new to me.

I have been throwing up acid and this morning actually didn't make it to the bathroom in time and my husband is having to clean up after me now and it's only 6:30 am. With this LES wide open my food is killing me no matter what it is and it just won't stay down either way.

I've never been this sick before today and my appt with the surgeon is tomorrow. I tried to get out and do a couple of things yesterday and it just didn't work. I'm so weak from 6 months of this acid.

I can't do anything but wait and I feel so helpless. Without my husband here I don't know what I'd do and yet I feel so guilty that he is having to do all of the work for the first time in his life. I want to be busy and productive and to enjoy myself but I'm just too sick.

I apologize again for taking anything anyone said in the wrong way. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I just pray the surgery works. I don't think I can go on like this.

Rita

I'm awake by 4 am the first time from just straight acid. I drift off back to sleep and then by 5:30 or 6 it's the nausea and gas that wake me up. This morning it was throwing up and diarrhea and I lost it before I got up.

I have started being nauseated all night and feel it when I go in and out of sleep. I keep Pepto and Mylanta at my bedside and drink them through the night.

My chest is literally on fire right now and my gums hurt so bad I can hardly close my mouth.

It never ends and just seems to get worse every day...
Thanks

Hi Rita,

I second Bill's wishes. There is no doubt that the surgery will be a blessed relief for you. Patients with symptoms like yours are pretty much guaranteed a good outcome, provided their surgeon is competent in the procedure. Those like me, with atypical symptoms are the ones who are the big question mark. Thankfully it did make my symptoms much better.

Hang in there. It won't be long now.
Denise

Rita,

I am sorry for your pain and I do understand how much GERD has taken over your life.  I am praying that tomorrow will be the beginning of better times for you.

Sending you postive thoughts as you head to surgery.

Kindly,

Kitt

Hi Rita,

I hope things go better for you today. Good luck with the insurance.
Hopefully you will be able to get in to have the surgery soon.
Take care,
Denise

Hi Everyone!

I got a phone call from the another person I was hoping to hear from who had NF surgery in my town as well. She said my surgeon assisted her surgeon because mine has a specialty in it. She works at the hospital in surgery admittance and sees what all people come in to have surgery for so I guess he's done his share.

She said she didn't have a bit of trouble after the first two weeks of watching her diet etc. Said she'd have it done again in a heartbeat. All in all she was very encouraging and I was very happy she called since I'm getting down to the wire as far as possibly having it this Friday as his nurse suggested.

I've had a decent day since I've had nothing to eat but soup so far and the nausea isn't too bad. I wanted to get out again today since it didn't quite reach 110 but I'm still here in my robe and slippers. I have to get out tomorrow to see the surgeon so I'll settle for the good phone call today.

Thanks again everyone. I'll let you know what happens next.

Rita