The Road of Life Twists and Turns......................... Part 8 of 8

Good Morning All,

Feeling a bit down this morning as winter is setting in and I am soon to be a year older.  Then I came here and read all your posts and it dawned on me that I can come and visit each of you and what an awesome trip that would be even if it is only in my imagination.

My trip to visit my son - I booked myself a first class ticket and went in style even thow I was wearing jeans and a sweat shirt I fit right in the the business guys. Only thing different was I skipped the potent drinks.  Flight was 40 minutes early into Portland so I had to wait a few minutes for my granddaughter to pick me up but I saw her coming accross the street and I started to tear up as she is so beautiful and her little girls ( 5 and 3) ran to me to give me hugs and called me Grandma.  This was the first time I ever had the opportunity to meet them.  What a warm and fuzzy feeling to see how your family grows.

My son was at work so we went to his new home and I loved the house, all on one level and hard wood floors, 4 bedrooms and a beautiful location.  He lives in Vancouver, Washington.  When he did get home I hugged him and burst into tears...............what a blubber bonnet I am.  He looked so good and despite the troubles he has been through lately he still has his sense of humor.  We spent much time together. We did the malls, the Harley Dealers, Cheese Cake Factory and drove nearly to Seattle to a casino.  He took me to a steak house for prime rib and we just had a loving time.

On Saturday morning we went to see my 5 year old greatgranddaughter play soccer.  She was goalie for awhile and she was doing quite a dance routine at that end of the field.

Sunday my son, his significant other, and my granddaughter went to the antique mall .............would you believe I recognized way to many of the items ?  After lunch at a Mexican Restaurant ( I had a small salad) we went looking for a good old fashion neighborhood tavern.  (My Dad owned a tavern for years so my children always got to stop in and get a candy bar when we went to visit)

We found one that offered free pool on Sundays and it had a juke box so we ended up having a good ole time.  Nobody bothered us and I just kept feeding the juke box money and felt no stress.  Just had fun !

By the way I learned that you don't feed quarters to a juke box anymore, it eats dollars. 

When it was time to go back to the airport I hugged my son, shed a few tears and had him  drop me off on the ticketing level as I knew I would not be able to say good by if he came into the airport with me. 

Right now I miss him so much and wonder when I will see him again.

It was a wonderful vacation.

Thank you to each of you for all your love, support and encouragement.  My best advice to any of you who are feeling low is stay connected with friends and family. Don't shut yourself away from the world.

 

Love and hugs,

Kitt

Miss Kitt-

Sounds like a wonderful trip. They never are long enough though. I was son's end of things when I was in the Navy. We even started heading home once a month driving all night to get home for a day and then head right back to Virginia. Wasn't too bad with just Michelle and I, but we still did it for a while after my son was born. Racked up a lot of miles that way too. After my daughter was born it was just to hard on the kids to take that trip all the time. We started to have Michelle and the kids fly while I drove all night and day when we did go home for the holidays.

We are starting to feel winter here too. Those darn maple trees decided to dump all their leaves at once and now expect me to rake them up....pesky trees. It's November 1st and I have yet to step into the deer woods. Sure would like to get a couple to fill the freezer, but the ole body just doesn't seem ready yet. Still have until the middle of January though.


Take care,
Bill

Kitt

glad your trip worked out so well. i hear what you are saying about how we need to push back against the feeling of shutting ourselves away from the world sometimes

i have to fight the tendency to "go hermit" when the high anxiety sets in

sounds like your son is doing great...children and esp grand children are such a blessing and you have a loving relationship with your son, much to be thankful for...

its hard when our kids live far away. my oldest daughter lives and works in japan so i only get to see her once or twice each year, thankfully the other two "children" (adult children) live in the pacific northwest a days drive away

as for the colder weather.... the older i get the more i miss summer. here in westerrn washington state it is usually sunny almost every day in july and august...but

after fall, we "look forward" ( not) to "the long grey wet" that goes on interminably (most years) from sometime in november until nearly march NOooooooooooooooooooo !

ok, we had a nice fall this year

as for the approaching birthday...yeah it aint like when we were 5 years old anymore, is it...or even 45 years old...different gig altogether

and since i guess you and i are around the same age let me share my mothers commentary (she is a tough wise old bird)
she says:
what can you say about old age?
some days the pain is aweful
often its hard to move,
there are so many aches
parts get removed, or repaired or replaced,
good health often escapes us.....
but...
...but
it beats the alternative !!!!!!!!!!


live each day
and love, each other

best wishes
mock turtle

Hello everyone and what an overwhelming welcome home.............MT,  my son works at Longview Paper Mill - he is an electrical engineer and has his own company but Longview is keeping him really busy, which is a good thing.  He was stationed at Whidbey Island when he was in the service and I love my visits to that part of the country.

Joy,  I am glad you have something to look forward to.  It seems work kept me from traveling as much then when I retired nearly 6 years ago now the economy took a big hit so I go when I can.  Oh yes the good thing about birthdays - cake !

Bill,  I understand that desire  for grandchildren.  I am old enough to be your Mom and my oldest son is 47 years old.  He is also the Father of our 1st grandchild who is 25.

Denise,  You are so right about staying in the moment as once the memories of the "old days" creep in the good times and the sad times all flood in.  I was wondering today why God thought I was the tough one in the family and took all my siblings and my parents, aunts and uncles away.  Did he not know how lonesome and sad that would make me.  Taking my son was unbearable and I find on days where I am down I dream about Todd.

Ashley,

I find myself doing the same as you on those dark gloomy winter days - I hibernate and read books.  The lights are supposed to work well and the market is flooded with many different styles and brands.

Time to get my rear in gear and get back with the program.  The one thing I did not do on vacation was indulge in Ice Cream so no reflux.  Am I finally learning my lesson ?

Love to All,

Kitt

Sandi-

Go ahead and cry, it WILL make you feel better!

I would be worried if you weren't scared. I know I sure would be. Come here and lean on us and vent anytime you need to my friend.


Well I found out I still cannot vomit. Had a bad dumping episode and it caused my stomach to heave about 7 times. That caused the bottom of my sternum to swell again though.

Take care,
Bill

Sandi,

Hugs galore and go ahead and let the feelings out -  I give you all the permission in the world to have a darn good cry and please don't try to put on a happy face when you are feeling so afraid.  I understand feeling like you are suppose to be the strong one in the family because you always have been but that is a big responsibility to take on for life. 

Why are so many of us reluctant to ask for help from friends and family? I suspect for most of us we fear exposing ourselves. We worry that we will be perceived as needy and out of control. We also fear embarrassment or shame: we don’t want people to see that part of ourselves that isn’t perfect and in control.  I know I fear rejection from the person I ask to help me as they don't know what to say or do. 

Articulate what you need, dear Sandi.............we are here for you and we understand your fear.  Give your husband a chance to  understand how you are fealing. Look at it this way: “Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.”

I am honored to be your twin and I too wish we were closer as I would be there to hold you hand and share the fear with you.  I understand how you feel and you have the right to worry but know that we are all praying very hard so we will help keep the bad at bay .........we are your light at the end of the tunnel.

Vent away here with us and know you have friends from around the world thinking of you with only good wishes.

Gentle hugs and prayers,

Kitt

Sandi, I'm so sorry to hear that you're nervous. Please know that you have good thoughts coming your way from all over the world! You have an amazing spirit, and that spirit will get you through this!

Being the strong one is really, really hard. But it makes it all the more meaningful when you can tell those closest to you that you're scared. I know how difficult it can be.

Thinking about you, my friend.
Ashley

MY DEAR FRIENDS....

I am so overwhelmed at your thoughtfulness and caring and the absolute love that you have sent me... I should not feel at all surprised because I know that you are all a part of my family as if we were born to it.. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH.. and Kitt, I have cried.. in the shower and in the middle of the nite when I am awake and everyone else isn't.. I will get through this.. thanks to you my extended family.. and a few friends that I know are there for me... I know that my family would all be here with me if I just said the word.. but, I cannot do that to them.. my oldest son is just preparing to change jobs and move from Florida to VA. He cannot take the time off and this I understand.. All I would need to do is say I want you here and he would be no matter what.. My other son in KY is the same.. he would be here in a heartbeat, but he has taken so much time off for my daughter in law that he is very short on time and money at this point.. (Daughter in law has a heart problem too.. she is on a waiting list) and my beautiful daughter just started a new job and is at the beginning of what promises to be a nasty divorce... My grandson and his girl are living with us now and she is a wonder for me. She is going to be with my husband and I at the hospital. My grandson is helping with everything he can. He works 11pm to 8 am so it is hard for him to help during the day. But he loves me and so does his girl. My husband is dealing with glaucoma and diabetes right now.. it is hard for me to try to lean on him when he is worried about me and worried about himself.. I have a problem crying in front of anyone.. I feel like they will feel as helpless as I do when they cry and I can't do anything to help them.. I don't want them to feel that way.. I guess it's the MOM in me.. besides.. they will have to baby me the day I have this thing done and for a few days after.. I have time when I get OLD to be babied over.... again.. Please don't get the feeling that I think my family feels their problems are more important to them than I am, I know better.. I just can't ask of them what I know they do not have right now... time and money.. If I were near them it would be different.. but I am from 4 hours to 18 hours away from them...so.... I am so blessed to have you, this forum and you, this family that I feel as though I am the luckiest person alive... I know you will all be there with me in thought and prayer when I go to the hospital for this.. this knowledge will keep me level.... I love you all......

Reach for the Sunshine... Rainbows will follow..
Sandi

BILL

Please take care with the vomiting stuff.. I have experienced the same thing while having a dumping episode.. I have experienced dumping frequently lately.. I am sure the nerves are part of it right now.. please be careful friend.. I know what it feels like.. keep those nausea meds close...

Post Edited (kyheart) : 11/3/2011 6:35:29 PM (GMT-6)

Well said, Kitt!  Thinking of you, Sandi.

Denise

VIEW IMAGE

hello to old friends & new.

Have been absent for awhile but now have internet back so thought I would check in with an update.

Now 4 1/2 months post op & doing ok . Not as good as I would like to be but better than I was, if that makes sense. Still have food issues, dont seem to be able to handle anything to solid no matter how much I chew & have reverted back to total liquids many times just to get some nutrition & be able to swallow without everything getting stuck also get bad nausea constantly (Much like a cross between all day morning sickness & a very bad hangover). Surgeon thinks its just swelling & will not even contemplate an endoscopy or doing a dilation until after 6 months so IDK, hanging in there. Have lost close to 40 lbs & have enjoyed the added bonus of shopping for new clothes now that summer is here.

I have enjoyed catching up with all the happening while Ive been away, so many new members too. Welcome everyone, our circle of friends is getting bigger with much more love to share.

Sandi - Im so sorry to read you are having heart troubles. Sending love & hugs across the ocean to you & your hubby & know the rainbows are not far away. Please try not to stress about your pacemaker surgery. I know you will do great & I hope all the memories you hold of your visit to your family will give you a boast during the waiting days.

Bill - Sounds like recovery #3 is going well. I hope your dumping episodes have disappeared & things are back on track.

Joy, Denise, Rita, Kevin - have thought of you often & hope you are all doing well with your recoveries.

Take care everyone.

Lynda

DENISE & KITT

Wonderful image Denise.. I laughed and felt my heart warm at the thought of you searching for it to post... Kitt I will try to always be here for everyone the way you have been here for me. You are an amazing friend..And I must say that my Grandsons Girl is a wonderful help.. she is a truly good person. She doesn't think she is helping enough. Again I must say that I am truly blessed to have found this group of wonderful caring people to bring into my life.. amazing this thing called the internet.. it can bring the edges of the world a touch away...

BILL

Go slow with the bow, as you said you can turn it down a few pounds and start there. Then work up to the heavier pull. You do not want to harm your recovery.. I hope you and your Daughter have some special memories awaiting you today.. Sending all good thoughts and prayers to you and Michelle for good results to continue for her...

Lynda

It is so god to hear from you again and thanks you for your good wishes and encouraging words. I appreciate them so much.
I have to say that at 4 months or so I still had to be very careful how much I ate and what I ate. It would make me nauseous just that nasty feeling of "half-sick" all the time. so I did the same as you have done.. went back to the softer/liquid type food for a while. I have recovered this a bit different than others, but yet the same. Just took me longer to get where they were at an earlier time. Did that make sense??

To Joy and Kevin and Ashley and all the others in our Circle of Friends

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and hugs sent out. I do hope you are all feeling well and have a great Fall and Winter to look forward to. Or whatever season it is where you are at...

I have 2 1/2 more days to wait til I am hopefully in better shape than I am at this moment. I am awfully tired right now and I am very short of breath.I dread going in to work tomorrow and Tuesday, as a matter of fact I may just go in tomorrow and do what I have to get done for Wednesday and then take the rest of tomorrow and Tuesday as vacation time. I just don't have the energy right now...I feel like a 90 year old that has been forced to run a marathon barefoot.. get the picture???

Will talk to you all soon
Reach for the Sunshine.. Rainbows will follow.. Bless your heart Denise...

Sandi

Hi all,

Sandi,
You will be in my prayers. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. Just know that whatever the outcome, you are in God's hands. Both of my grandparents had this surgery done and they did wonderful afterwards. Also, my friend's dad had this done and also did amazing afterwards. he is very active and energetic.

Joy,
Sorry to hear about your hands. Hopefully you will get this flare under control shortly.

Bill,
how have you been? It sounds like you are recovering decently well considering you've been able to participate in the drills, etc. Just curious if you lift weights at all. Did you surgeon say you would be able to? What lifting restrictions are you on if any? Do you think running / bouncing around "weakens" the wrap at all?

Take care everyone. Have a great week!

-Liz-

OK Friends and family...

It is midnight and I have to stay NPO until after the cath tomorrow at 2.. then I will have the pacemaker installed on Thursday sometime.. sounds like I am having a new battery put in my car.. basically that is what I am having done.. I know I am taking healing thoughts from you all.. you have no idea how much I appreciate everyone here..
I will let you all know how things are once I am home on Friday...

Reach for the sunshine... Rainbows will follow... I am taking my sunshine and rainbows with me Denise.. Thank You!

Hugs, love and Prayers to all
Sandi