The Road of Life - Part 7 of 8 - CLOSED

I'm feeling a little scattered brain today. Bad day all around for me. So forgive me if I don't answer everyone. I did read everything though.

Kitt, in regard to my email....  It was designed by my nephew years ago for my father when we first got internet. Later he abandoned the account for another he was maintaining. Since I didn't know then how to make an account, I took over the account, hence the odd name.    I really should make my own account but I think it's kind of funny and it keeps the spammers low who use my name to find me. I do get the occasonial men's enhancement spammers! I am a Woman!

Whoever said they are willing to beat up my cohort...have at them!     We used to be able (when it was only two of us) be able to plan in 30 minutes or less. I didn't get along with her too well, so she tries to avoid me as much as possible. She has a "bossy, higher than thou" attitude. It seems everything I say or do is beneath her. It's nothing new we were co-workers when I was 19 at a store and she was my boss for a year.

Now that's there three of us I feel like they are ganging up on me. It took two days (one hour both days) to plan. Basically, I've come to the point where I sit there, shut up, and type whatever they want.

I do this because I'm a peacemaker and I don't like conflict. I then send their copy to them to put their names on it and turn it in. I change my copy to my taste and turn it into the principal.

I hate collabortive planning because someone's ideas always gets shoved to the side and usually it's mine.

sigh...I don't need this stress! It just makes me feel worse.

Like I said...Bad Day!

Is it May 2012, yet?

Denise, I have sleep apnea and can't sleep on my back and due to low oxygen levels I have to have oxygen at night even with my CPAP on.

My day got a little better today - not much pain at all - but better than it was this morning after apnea last night and early morning panic at the same time the acid always woke me up before the surgery.

After such a marvelous day yesterday anything would have been downhill today and it was but I'm hoping to get back to being able to wear my CPAP soon. I haven't been able to because it made the pain so much worse and the pressurized air blew me up like a balloon. A very painful balloon.

I just had a few bites of mashed potatoes and a spoon of gravy and I thought my mouth was on fire. My tongue burned and those potatoes felt like they were hot sauce but it sure tasted nice. Had about 1/8 cup total. I've lost about 9 lbs since surgery - 25 in the last 6 weeks.

It's still in the low 80's after all the rain the last two days and it would be nice to get out and do something but I got out yesterday and am going to get out tomorrow night and then try to make the second service at church on Sunday. Feels like I'm going to run a marathon. LOL

Right now I'm "Livin' it up at the Hotel California" at my house in NE Oklahoma.

Take it easy.
Rita

It's such a coincidence that you all have a common interest in music. I too love music but have never learned to play an instrument. At times I like to turn the stereo up & sing to my hearts content. It does brighten my day.

It does make me wonder sometimes how I can remember the words to songs from years ago but can't remember what I went into the next room for.

My eldest son James plays the guitar. He started with lessons after showing an interest at about age 10/11 & played in bands at school during his teenage years. Now he can just pick the guitar up & start playing along with any song he hears. What's also good is that my grandson has inherited this talent from his father. At 5 years old he too knows the latest on the radio & most of the words. He likes to pick up the guitar & "jam with dad" as he calls it.

As a parent you think that there is no greater love than the love you have for your children, then GOD gives us grandchildren & we know we are truly blessed. I am blessed because all my grandchildren live close by so I am very lucky to be able to see them often & have them stay over or have a picnic or play date at the park. Enjoy the times you have together with yours.

Take care everyone. Have a good night & a great tomorrow.

Lynda

'Dreams are what keeps us going when real life lets us down'

Good Morning All,

I am sitting here in tears as it is 21 years ago today at this time I lost my sweet Todd to that horrible dang car crash...............now he has been gone as long as he lived. My chlolesterol LDL lab came back in the high range which scares me silly. 

This has always been my special family as I have no family, no Mom and Dad, no brothers and sister, aunts or uncles.  I do have my wonderful hubby and my 3 children and grandchildren.  My oldest moved to the west coast when he was 18 and he is now 47 so I have never been close to his family but I thank God for my 3 beautiful granddaughters here in MN. 

For some reason I find when I come here Rita never responds to me and I am so sorry if I have done something to offend you Rita but it makes me feel sad for I always try my best to support everyone.  It feels like I have failed you somehow. I suspect it is just me having a bad time right now.

I apologise for the whine.

To all of you, a prayer today in memory of my Todd would be appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

Love

Kitt

Hi Kitt,

Nothing could be further from the truth and, unfortunately, this is what can happen when written words are the only thing we are really able to convey. We can't look one another in the eye. We can't share a common sigh of relief or hope or frustration because this forum doesn't give us a way to do so. We have to be content with just words.

I've felt SO bad for SO long that I'm a bit on the slow side connecting here with the major contributors and also with pinning names with posts/comments and with the imaginary faces I've some to think of some of you with.

I've received nothing but honesty and heartfelt concern from all of you on this particular thread and it's where I'm the most comfortable. You are busy and have a lot of people to line out and reply to etc. And you seem to be the one everyone goes to for support and assistance and so I've not addressed you personally because I've felt as if it would have been adding to your workload.

I admire you and what you do on this forum greatly and hope to get to know you better and I'm sorry very sorry even at this late date for the loss of you son. You have to be a very strong woman to have endured it and to continue to live and be productive and so caring. I don't know that I could do what you have done. I hope we're "all good now" and that you understand me a bit better.

Bill,

My son Steve build both electric and acoustic but mostly bass guitars since that is what he really prefers to play. A perfect day for him is when he goes to shop for wood. He finds a nice piece of wood and can just look at it and see the finished guitar. I'm very proud of him and of his musical heritage.

Today's update:

Wednesday was the best day I've had in MONTHS. Yesterday was not nearly as good but it was okay. I tried wearing my CPAP and oxygen last night and once again awakened shortly after going to sleep with my mouth and throat burning and my ears hurting and my chest and abdomen full of what I can only describe as "air". And I had shoulder pain in the night for the first time since the surgery 11 days ago.

I awoke in total panic and ripped off the CPAP mask and tried to calm myself a bit but it didn't work. I tried to sleep with just my oxygen mask and that didn't work either. The anxiety, pain, and other symptoms just wouldn't stop.

I've awakened for nearly 3 solid years with terrible acid, pain, headache and all the other symptoms that go with really bad reflux and the panic was always present as well. It wasn't horrible in the beginning - the panic - but it got horrible about 2 years ago and unbearable this past year.

It's like my body knows the acid is gone but my head hasn't received the message yet. I think I may just be beginning to understand how serious this surgery was on my 64 year old person and that I'm just not going to bounce back like a 25 year old would. And I think I'm not giving myself enough credit for getting through this with only Ibuprofen and not very much of that.

I've been so scared of vomiting that I refused pain medication and I'd do it again no matter what going without has done to me. I know my pre-existing, come and go anxiety has suffered from the trauma of this disease and from the surgery as well and I'm going back to a very small dose of an anxiety medication my Pdoc gave me for purposes such as this one.

I got out today with hubby - still can't drive - and we did a little shopping for me to decorate the new extra room we're using as a TV room at this house we just bought in June. I had fun but got very weak and I did lose my balance a few times.

Hubby is than I am and has very severe Sleep Apnea and Narcolepsy as well and is on Provigil just to stay awake in the daytime. He is in good health and is very strong and active but he is getting very tired (I can tell) from doing so much of the housework, shopping and cooking. He didn't sleep last night either and is taking a nap. He's just worn out and being the motherly type, I feel so bad that I can't do more now. I've always been the one to do all these things and now he is having to do for me. I guess I'll just have to get over it.

Okay. Enough whining. Was that really whining? I don't think so really.
Just the facts, Ma'am.

It's still raining here in my corner of Oklahoma.

"Raindrops keep falling on my head but I'm free and nothin's worrying me."

I wish that were 100% true and I trust it will be one of these days.

Rita Kathleen - that's what my mother called me.

Dearest Kitt.

Words are not enough to convey to you how deeply sad it is that you are feeling such sorrow today. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers. Even though many thousands of miles separate us I am reaching out, with tears in my eyes, to embrace you in the biggest loving hug ever.

I can feel your pain because I lost my darling baby daughter, Jenna, on 13th May 1981 from SIDS or 'cot death'. She was 14 weeks old.

They say time heals all wounds but even after 30 years it still hurts & no parent should ever have to experience the grief of burying a child.

Be strong today & tonight look into the sky & find the brightest star because you know that it is your beloved son sending is love back to you.

Take care & I pray you have a much better tomorrow.

Lynda xxxxx

Thank you Denise..............your words meant a lot to me and it is almost 5 pm so the day is winding down and I am OK.  I will make it through and yes I will get my cholesterol down with work and determination. 

I have missed my Todd and have thought back to the fun and good times we all had as a family and I hold him forever in my heart.

Rita,  You are so right, without the body language much is lost in translation so we are good.  I am from MN and I always try to heal the world when I know that I am only one person .  I also have major depressive disorder, anxiety, GERD, Osteoarthritis, Hypertension, one small stroke back in March, IBS and now High Cholesterol.  Argh - that is enough in my book.  But I will never give up.  I took early retirement from my job at age 60.  I still dabble in my field - I am a Emergency Room Nurse/Nurse Manager and loved my career.  I also worked as a substitue school nurse and loved working at the high school.

It is rather dry here in MN so you could shoo some rain up our way.  The weather has cooled off a lot too and the mornings start out in the 60's.  It feels like fall is in the air.

Good for you for getting out and trying out your sea legs.  My hubby has Crohn's disease so life often depends upon how well he is doing.  He takes care of himself so I do not interefere when he is doing good however he lives on a very strict schedule. Blesings.

Lynda and Sandi,

I am an absoultely  silly sally over my 3 granddaughters that live near us.  I have been with them since the day they were born.  They are 20, 18 and 8 now and the 8 year old still likes lots of hugs and to "play "  with G-ma but the two older ones love to be with their friends, boyfriends and are very social so I just like to be around to watch them.  We do go out to lunch and Wednesday night was awesome going along to the airport to pick up Amy.  She goes to the Nash Academy Of Animal Arts in Lexington, KY. She will finish up this course at the end of next week and then she will drive home.  She flew home for a family wedding on her Dad's side this weekend. 

My daughter own her own business which includes a dog boarding/kennels, dog grooming school, dog training school, show dogs and Dobermen and Boston Terrier breeding.  Yeah, she is busy.  The 2 girls have been showing dogs all over the USA since they were 7 and 8 years old.

I hope you 2 have a wonderful week-end. Huggles to both of you.

Joy,  It is finally Friday.  So I will give you a laugh............After working ER for so mannnnnnnnny years I was pretty much used to anything and I loved people and did not judge as I understand it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round.  I have a soft spot for people down on their luck.  One night we had a he/she that took a shine to me cause I guess he/she thought I was kind and was afraid of the male attendants.  She was waiting for a sex change and had the top enhanced already. So when I first met you I thought perhaps with your writing in the forum and then your user name in email you were a he/she .............so I stayed gender neutral with you !

My friend from the ER started calling me every night in the ER around midnight just to talk to me and the staff would tease me.  Trouble was I worked 3-11 PM but was working overtime when we had met. Everyone needs a friend. I am glad I have you. 

Bill,  What can I say -  my granddaughter brought out her guitar Wednesday night for her boyfriend to play.  I thought " isn't young love sweet"  I never dated anyone that could play the "guitar" .  In fact the only guys I dated could play me like a " fiddle" but I figured them out fast.  My Momma didnt raise no dummies.

Janis,  I hope you are well and look forward to hearing and update from hearing from you !

Love,

 

Kitt

 

My anxiety hhas been off the chart today wondering why he wants a 5th upper gi. 2 of which were done at his hospital and had 1 at ic and peoria. he has all the films and ecords from eoria and it was more than enough for the gi and surgeon to say it has to b redone. guess im just getting the what ifs. unfortunately i am out of my anxiety meds.. waiting for them to arrive from va.
Rita do u have a cushy recliner? i know it helped me a lot kept pressure off my belly and i didnt have an apnea issues either.
Joy- please take all the time u need. u have helped out here so much when kitt and i are away. come back when u are ready.

Kitt,
I'm thinking of you...Hope you're holding your family close tonight. I know that your Todd is close to your heart every day. You have lots of friends here who are sending you love and (((hugs))).

Bill,
Do you think he wants an up-to-the-minute picture of what is going on? He saw films from before you went to Peoria, and while you were in the hospital, but now is now. I have no doubt that he has your very best interest at heart. Don't jump to conclusions that he's thinking about not doing the redo. Seriously. All you have to do is tell him the symptoms you're having. He can't let you continue to struggle like that. If you are wondering what his thought process is, why not just ask him? I hope your anxiety meds arrive soon. Try to relax and trust. You know we're here for any venting you need to do.

Joy,
Sorry you're having a hard time. I'm sure some of it is adjusting to school. It is an exhausting experience. Hope things are going better with your "collaboration" efforts. Try not to take things to heart. I think your strategy of just going along, then making the plans fit your style is the best method. Good luck.
Hang in there...I hope you feel better soon. Relax and take a break from everything. Take care of yourself.

Sandi,
Thank you for your rainbow wishes! My husband and I are on standby, and at any time we may be called to go over to my son's house to watch our little grandbaby while my son and his wife accompany her sister to the hospital to give birth. My DIL's mom is on her way up for the event, and her sister's water has broken. So...it's just a waiting game now. I've packed a little bag, and tried to think about what I'll need in the morning to get dressed. I'm exhausted, but I don't know if I should stay up or go to sleep!

Rita,
I hope your pain leaves you and your healing progresses quickly so you can start using your C-Pap again. I know it must be hard to do without it. Hope you have a good weekend.

Hi Lynda,
I have a warm place in my heart for NZ. I've never been there, but think it is a beautiful place! I'm glad you've joined us here. Hope you do well and have a nice weekend.

Miss you, Janice!