LAWCHICK, I am so so sorry. I really truly feel your struggle.
I'm terrified as well. It's only been a month or so for me. It started, lasted about
a week, I went back to eating normally, and then something shifted... I think I had a burger, the GERD flared up, and I really struggled to swallow. That was October 24. Ever since, it's just been a daily ENDEAVOR to eat, and I barely do. I have 2 Ensures a day, smoothies, yogurt, etc... but it's hellish.
I can get through a Stouffer's Mac and Cheese in like an hour? I eat very slowly and when I swallow I put my chin down to my chest to make swallowing easier/close my airway, and that helps.
I tried having clam chowder today at a dinner with friends and I just got so petrified/scared I felt bile rise in my mouth, although this may have been a GERD reaction.
I definitely need to work with my therapist, but Lawchick, maybe you need a new therapist who will work with you in a different way? That's what I'm trying to do.
I'm nervous of being sent to the hospital, or to an eating disorder clinic... I'm scared of trying to explain this to my doctor and of anyone getting the wrong idea. I just want to get the right treatment, the right help, because I realize this problem is about
a balance of body and mind... physical/psychological.
Best of luck to you, Lawchick... maybe we can keep each other updated? I should start eating mashed potatoes, I haven't even thought of that.