It must be almost impossible for most carers to understand the dread some people feel about being placed in a NH. Everyone is different and only those who know the loved one the best can sometimes understand what is best for them. Only now that I'm on my own and coming up to 77 do I have a great fear of being 'put away' some day. Should I ever end up with Alzheimer's I would want putting down. That may shock many people, but having seen the way my wife was treated by the so called experts I would not wish it on a dog. I consider myself to have been one very lucky man to have had the great privilege of caring for my wife up to her death. I watched her go down the same route that so many sufferes are still going down today. They reach a stage where they are put in a NH, they're lost and confused, feel abandoned, become depressed, are given medication, wont eat, lose weight, get pressure sores the slowly drift away. I rescued my wife not before time by taking her home as I thought then to die and was told as much. By showing and telling her how much I loved her and in spite of her being unable to talk or move I managed to bring her back to full physical health for almost another five years. With the best intention in the world there is no substitute for caring for your own, no NH can give the one to one care that some people require. My wife's teeth were not cleaned daily, her ears and nostrils were not attended to. When she was in hospital a nurse said: "She wont eat anything." I took a yogurt and started feeding her to the surprise of the nurse. I explained: "How do you thing your baby would feel if I was to take it from your home then tried to feed it?" The point I'm trying to make is, they need love, to feel secure, to be hugged, made to feel very special and wanted. I was asked some years ago by a psychologist "Were you told you were no good and that no one wanted you when you were placed in an institution as a child." My answer "If you send a child out to buy an ice cream and when he returns he finds a sold sign outside his house and his folk have left, he gets the magssage!" Love is the best medicine. Don't know if the above is of any use, but I'll leave you with this thought, if you think you're feeling bad, imagine how your loved one is feeling.
May your God go with you. Padraig